Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I cannot turn off my brain. Wish I could. Turned 40 two weeks ago. The future is not something that I allow myself to think about. But it has slapped me in the face for two days now. My youngest will graduate highschool in eight years. That is not enough time. I have so few years left with them. And then I will be all alone. For 30 plus years if he doesn't take me before that. I am a very strong woman, but I don't think that I am that strong. I can't imagine being even lonlier than I am now...for years and years and years. I am so scared and I have no one to talk to about it. I got tired of talking to myself in my head, so I started fantasizing talking to people. Weird I know. And I'm not a weirdo. I feel like I am stuck all alone in a black room, and I get to see my children every once in a while, but I'm not allowed out. And constantly flashing before me is happiness that once was, but aren't anymore. Dreams that once were but aren't anymore. Love that once was, but isn't anymore. Nothing but nothingness. I try to pretend that I am not there just to get through the moment. I don't know what I need, but I need something.
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Old Hillbilly Wisdom:Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.Keep skunks, bankers, and politicians at a distance.Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled.The best sermons are lived, not preached.If you don't take the time to do it right, you'll find the...
I have really made HUGE efforts to be open about my need for this with friends.
Limited response. and diminishing.
But for grief survival, we really Need to try to tame our thought focus, and stay in very short term timespans.
Even though we know time will add up eventually.
Consider / explore all options, grief groups, counseling with a certified pro, your pastor, or a different one? some people find Journaling helpful. I don't, but I'm just afraid to die and leave such deep things to be read by family. I have done some here in forum. limited access and I am anonymous here.
You need to find hope for venting things out of your heart.
Big hugs to you.
Barb.
I had no luck with grief group. very small group in even smaller town, and not geared to spousal loss. and I am not good in groups for deep stuff, to begin with! BUT many here, in bigger towns have loved theirs.
I had limited help with a pro counselor lady. Money was an issue for me.
Have had some good private help from a lady in a different church, whose responsibilty it is to help women. Plus I had real life history with her from long ago, (deep issues about our kids). A very Real person and loving lady..
The thing is, being able to wade through each effort.
You can blow off all the steam here! This is place is full of fellow-grievers for spousal loss.
Lots of empathy.
You're not crazy or anything. you are using the only tool you have. It's just not enough.
Hey, don't feel bad. My biggest emotional support has been from my dog. and I have talked to her, cried, sobbed, and thought I would rather die than be so alone. She is the ONLY one who needs me. So I have made-do.
Feel free to msg me if you need a reply, because I won't get notified of posting in someone else's topic. but msgs show in my profile. I was somewhat inactive for a while.
Hang in there. stay here and seek all you want or need.
Hugs.
Barb.