Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

3,758 Members

19,465 Posts

0 Online

lmj90 09/28/2015

As I sit here nearing the one year mark I just can't shake this grief. The waves are so deep. No way out. No insurance for counseling (wouldn't go anyway probably) No local support groups, All my so called friends have bailed on me or have too much going on. If I happen to be asked by one of them and I begin to say "im not ok" then you see this look come over their face and they make a quick excuse to leave.

With each situation that comes up no matter how little or big it is I crumble. I try to pull myself up but I have no strength to do it. My heart is heavy and my mind never shuts off. I can't even tell you what I did last week. I went to take some of my son's senior pictures (I do them myself) and all I could think of is how much he looks like my husband and how much I wish we were a family again. Nothing is right, Nothing is ok, Nothing makes me happy and nothing hurts more than loosing him.
It seems as though I can't keep going.
I try not to say anything because there is really nothing anyone else can do. They can't bring him back, They can't take the pain away, There are really no words. My truck broke down two weeks ago and I have no way of getting it home or getting it fixed. My brother in law is a mechanic but I won't ask him. He's not my favorite person since my husband passed. This morning my brother in law called to see if I wanted him to go and get my truck..... I was so mad I almost lost it on him but instead I just got choked up and said no and hung up the phone. I shouldn't have to ask. Family should take care of family just like my husband did for him when he needed something UGH

I hate the "it was his time" or "its God's will" or God needed him" Seriously?? NO WE NEEDED HIM. I need him. Does this ever stop?? Can I make it one more day, One more hour? Minute?

Hugs to all

Lisa

Rainbow27 10/01/2015

Lisa, so understand those waves of grief. Thought I was doing better and then my dear friend here diagnosed with stage iv cancer. She is my "family" and support and lives around the corner from me. Since my husband passed, we celebrated holidays together, had dinners together, checked up on each other. So more tears lately. We will all get through this one day at a time, but not easy.

janpeter 10/01/2015

Lisa, I am also finding the 2nd year hell, It's 14 months for me now and every day is a struggle. I am filled with sadness and overwhelmed with memories of times gone by, they play before my eyes like a never ending movie, everywhere I look I see scenes of yesterday with him and us in it doing what we used to do, while my reality is that he is not here and I am alone. I hurt so much, my heart aches. I work full time, I function every day, I have friends an family nearby who care but my heart is broken, I cry every day and I am finding it all just so hard. I miss him so much, I miss the life we had and the future we planned. I am so unmotivated, so many things I need to do, but when I come home from work or the weekend comes, I can hardly be bothered. I seem to be suffering more now, the reality of my life without him and my future without him is hitting me hard each and every day. I realize now that in my 1st 12 months I was numb and on remote pilot for most of the time, and the distractions I used then, keeping busy, organising repairs around the home, planning and taking trips, making myself do thinks and go places, just are'nt working anymore. I am just so sad and I don't know what to do. Food has become my new best friend, I know that needs to stop as I have put on 22 lbs since last Dec. reading is my only distraction from the turmoil in my mind and the pain in my heart. When does it get easier, please God soon, soon, I hope.
Janifer

deleted_user 10/02/2015

Janifer, you are feeling what I'm feeling and probably so many others who don't talk about it.

The fog of the first year and a half got me through all the "B's" of life:
Burying my love,
Borrowing strength from others,
Bursting into tears whenever
Bantering to whomever would listen
Bypassing anyone who felt their lives were worse than mine
Burdening the most unlikely strangers with my mood swings
Burrowing myself into my home
Breaking down at the smallest triggers
Blindly facing each new day
And, the worst "B" of all......being Bitter towards life.

If anyone even dared to say it was God's will they'd have to deal with me for the next hour and that is NOT a pretty picture!

Roz

deleted_user 10/02/2015

And, the food thing is now become a :"monster" in my life! I, too, have found refuge in eating.

Although I love to walk and work every day......the weekends, that used to be filled with goings and doings are now filled with aloneness and food.

I know it's temporary but it will take work to get this new found weight off.......for now, I'm being sated, comforted and loved by snickerdoodles!!!!

Roz

ilmh 10/02/2015

I am at about a year and a half and find that first year was easier than now, must have been in a fog without even knowing it. I think I unconsciously avoided looking at pictures of my husband, although I do talk about him whenever I feel like it. Last weekend I stared at a photo on my ipad and cried that horrible crying that makes me feel sick. It is like my feelings are just being plugged in again and I am feeling emotions that I couldn't before. My good friends are also feeling more sad lately missing him too. Interesting, and not fun to ponder that it might just keep getting worse. I guess the only consolation is that I can remind myself that I DID get through all these months on my own and I can keep on somehow. But yes, the reality that this is forever does not hit you all at once, seems to take time.

obsidianom 10/02/2015

JanPeter,
I am so sorry about you pain. You sound like it hurts so bad. I want to cry for you . ( I am already crying a lot anyway for my Paula ). I wish I could wave a magic wand and help all of us feel better. There is nothing noble about the suffering we are all going through.

Join the Conversation