I slept on the couch for 2 months before I could go back in our bed and even then I had to change everything around, my husband and I were married for 35 years as just as you, he was my soulmate, best friend and love of my life, he passed away 2 1/2 years ago, I still think of him and miss him everyday, I rely on the grace of God to get me through each day, the pain in always in my heart but God takes away the sting. I just take each day as it comes, with time you will adjust to her absence, that doesn't mean you will stop loving or missing her, true love is forever, I know I will see my husband again in heaven, knowing that doesn't take away the pain but it eases it and makes it more bearable. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I don't come here very often anymore, but I guess I was supposed to do so tonight. Read your post. Tore my heart out. I'd been married 30 years, wonderful years, then the terminal diagnosis of pancreatic cancer and our Father had other plans. We both were faith pastors, lived it, breathed it, taught it. Neither of us could figure out why our prayers for healing were not resulting in His answer of her complete healing manifesting in this natural realm. Within 4 months, she was dead. May of 2015. Messed me up big time, way worse than I realized at the time. Looking back on it all now, I just shake my head at myself. I've never experienced anything in this life that totally undid me. My wife's death messed me up big time. I'm about as hard headed as they come and of course I wouldn't take any well-meaning wise advice. Don't make any major decisions about anything except dealing with the financial has-to's of your wife's death some say for at least a year. I should have waited 2 1/2 years because that's when I started a very long road of recovery -- I'm at about 3 1/2 years LWJ. I wrote those initials in a date planner the night she died. Came across it months later and for the life of me I could not figure out what I meant by that. Months after that I remembered out of the blue, "Life Without Juanita". She was something special, and I tell her more and more that I miss her and wished she were here. I've been in a relationship for nearly a year now, so different, so very very different. Juanita and I were spiritually connected, and when she died I suffered from a spiritual amputation. That's why healing takes so long. It just takes time, probably the rest of our lives. You can't hurry it along, you can't create a new life, and if you get hit as hard as I did, it takes more than you got just to stay focused on your job. Gotta keep your eye on that one. Getting a dog helped me immensely, helped on the loneliness and quiet house aspect. You will be fine, just eventually, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year. You just have to learn to take it only one day at a time. The triggers of grief you have now will transform into the most wonderful memories of the love you shared. And when you start smiling at some instead of sobbing, know that is real progress. I think it would have been so much easier if we just didn't love them so much. She was my everything as well. I mean everything. ~~~ Scott

I hadn't visited here for quite some time either Scott, I think the holiday times tends to make the loss a little more difficult, its reassuring sometimes knowing there are many of us out there going through the same things and for those of use who have been going through this for some years now, its good to know we are surviving the loss, as difficult as it might be. , :-(

I never went back to sleep in our bed. Be real careful making any decisions I sold my house and moved to be near family. It was to soon. I wish I had have waited .It has been over three years and I am still a mess. I miss John so much. I am sure your sweet wife is around you. I talk to my Husband like he is here sometimes and put on one of his DVDs that he loved.I wish you healing

Isn't it wonderful that we have DS to come to? I have read over what you wrote and also the replies that you received. "Voices from experience"!

I guess it is pretty classic, the shock, the lonliness and the "What do I do with myself" feeling. My husband was the love of my life, also, and we met and married late in life, so our time together was cut short. I am totally DEAF so I depended on Joe a great deal just as HE depended on ME for some things.

>There is no easy way or quick way to get through it.<

My oldest son is also a widower (your age) and he booked himself a cruise and met a bunch of people who became close friends. That maneuver pretty much saved his life!

My advice would be "Don't hide", get out there and meet people, take a class, join people who like to do what YOU like to do, keep your mind busy! Do you belong to a gym? Gyms are full of folks trying to keep themselves busy! Photography classes are another way to meet people.

Keep in touch with us here at DS so we will know how you are doing! The holidays are the worst, Be prepared! ~Blessings~~

KK

Thank you everyone for sharing and your words of encouragement. It brings some level of comfort knowing that there are people that truly understand what we all are going through, so thank you for sharing. I never thought this would ever happen, but I suppose that is what everyone thinks. I just don’t think I will ever get past this pain, I am so lost without her. It feels like it just happened yesterday. One of the things I cherished about our relationship was that we both worship God, in fact we met in church. But loosing her has really tested my faith and brought questions to mind that very much confuse me….. I don’t understand why he would take my wife without taking me too. He designed marriage so that the two shall become one, which at least in our case, was very true. She was part of my very soul, and now I feel like part of my soul is missing, so what is a person to do when this happens. I don’t expect anyone to have an answer to these questions, but I just wanted to share to see if anyone else has though along these lines?

I lost my husband 9/30/15, 30 days after he suffered a cardiac arrest. He collapsed in our hotel room and I performed cpr until the first responders arrived. I’m so grateful I got those 30 days but did not expect the ending which was his death. You mentioned so many things that are so familiar to me. Except that I was able to sleep in our bed once I got home. We were across the country on vacation. It has been a process, I too, needed to relive that day I believe in order to process the loss. It takes a long time to get to a point of peace and acceptance. God has and continues to carry me through this. I too feel as if part of my soul is lost. We were together for 33 years, since I was 22. I question who I am without him. I got this far just going day by day and then week by week. Time does help ease the pain and heartache. It never goes away I think you learn to cope. Take care of yourself and know that your love will never die. Hoping you find peace Marybeth

colsen99,

I identify with all that you are going through. I too lost my wife unexpectedly to cardiac arrest during a test for a cancer that we did not know she had. We walked in the hospital for an outpatient test one day, and two days later I was faced with telling the cardiac team to stop lifesaving measures. I felt, and at times still feel the same way you do as a dedicated protector. I had dreams that she was in a deep pit and I was unable to keep her from harm. The guilt and the pain was overwhelming. Please know that I am praying for you now. I don't know that anything I say will be helpful, but just so you know, I too could not sleep in our bed. I have been very blessed to have children and friends that have stood by me. I hope you do as well. I echo any advice that leads you to not make major decisions at this point, and hopefully you have someone you can bounce off with financial decisions. I am two years into this new chapter of life and I am doing alright. I look back today and realize that the most helpful path to facing grief is to grieve, and tell your story over and over. Continue to pray and ask God the questions that torment you, which I assume one to be "why her and not me?" Over time I hope you come to a point where you can process that God didn't take her, so much as he prepared a place for her when it was time. It's a tough reality that we will all die a physical death; however, we don't have to die a spiritual death. it sounds like your wife is now at a place that you want to be, but now is not your time. Just as God's plan for her in this world reached its end, His plan for you continues. Be at peace my friend, that she is at peace. The reason you could not, and cannot save her or fix things, is because she is not in trouble and nothing is broken. Accepting that truth has been very helpful to me, and while I still grieve the loss of my own soulmate of twenty-nine years, I remarried this year, and have come to realize that moving on to chapter two does not cancel out chapter one. In fact, it would make no sense without chapter one. I pray you have peace. This website has always been a great help to me. Tell your story, and read others, it does help.