Debbie;
It's only 8 months for me for I am still in the holding on to our life and creating a new life by myself. Everyday I go through a period of anger at the helplessness I feel for note having control of my life. A lesson on the truth that we are not in control, sometimes life goes along as though we do but the reality is that life is change. I have anxiety over all the sudden changes that have been made for me. I lost Rob, against my will, I have to move, against my will also. The pangs of grief are so strong but I know I have to go on. I hope to indeed learn to be content as I can be by myself, living close to family and reaching out to friends and family. I don't mind the living alone, I miss sharing my life with Rob. Sharing made it so awesome. You post is an inspiration for me and I hope that at 15 months I too am standing strong on my own with Rob in my heart and memory. Hug, Donna

I absolutely hated it! Had no reason to get up in the mornings. I stayed busy around the house but didn't know why. Who was here to share or appreciate what I accomplished.

Then not long ago, I had an epiphany similar to your awakening: it was okay now. I stood in my living room on a quiet evening and looked around..it was all good.

I know better than to get overconfident, but so far so good. I'm starting to recognize myself as "me" instead of a part of "we." There will always be part of her in my heart & mind, but like you said - I can't change any of the past but I can be comfortable in the present.

I have lived alone before and always enjoyed the order. Havine things as I liked them finding everything just as I put them and the house always clean. I enjoyed living alone until I met my husband and realized how wonderful it is to share in such a loving, trusting and interesting relationship. I would have him back is l heartbeat, That isn't going to happen. If God saw fit to send someone my way he'd HAVE to fill the criteria. No relationship is the same. I really enjoyed the enhancement to my life brought by my husband, until then I am fine being alone.

I'm at 6 months and 3 days. I don't feel good about the loneliness as it is hard to come home to an empty house. The idea I can do anything I want does not yet appeal to me as We always did everything together for the last 7 + years after I retired. Like I said in yesterdays post about the small things. They still haunt me dailey. There are a lot of ideas I have but I cannot get up the motivation to get anywhere past an initial start. I think?? I've dealt with the anger and anxiety but the loneliness doesn't seem to give way to anything. I also relize that she will always be near me but it just will never be the same and don't know how to deal with it now.
Like Donna says, in time I hope to be able to live and accept her being near to me in spirit.
Dave

It has been 2 1/2 yrs. and this is the first time I have lived alone. It was an adjustment but my son and his family are here often and I keep my grandchildren. That helps me a lot. I enjoy being alone some of the time. I enjoy traveling with son and family and friends. I am doing well most days with sad moments and a sad day sometimes. After going through what I have, I found I am even stronger than I thought I was. I'll always love and miss him. I would trade this life in a heartbeat for my husband and our old life but trying hard to make the best of what I have now. Take care, Sandra

I cannot say that I love living alone, but I would rather be alone than living with somebody just to fill up the space and the silence. There are some very good points about living alone such as not having to prepare meals if I don't want to, and not having to pick up after another person, watching what I want on TV, but I sure miss being able to talk to my husband every day. laurabp

I am 10 and half months into this and I do hate the loneliness and emptiness of the house, sometimes I do like being able to do what I want when I want. Not that my husband ordered me around, far from that we worked together like a fine running machine. But I like the idea when I get home from work if I don't feel like cooking I don't, I can sleep in on weekends and the best part is just knowing you don't have any restrictions on what you do or coming and going. Of course, my daughter will call me and ask where I am and if it's past a certain time at night she will panic and I get calls from her...which I find funny ...role reversal..but would I take my old life back ...in a millisecond. Nothing compares to what a wonderful life we shared. And would I someday like to have someone to be a companion and share my life with , Yes I think I would like that...

My situation is different. It's been 4 months but I don't live alone. My 4 sons (aged 23-8) live with me as does my brother. Rob and I always said our house is nothing but chaos with all the kids and their friends. We looked forward to at least a few of them moving out but now I think I'll take the chaos.

Debbie,
You are truly inspiring. I hope that in "time" I can feel similar, but after 14 months of this I know that I can't actually stand up and say "I love being alone". I guess the it is the word "love" in that sentence that I can't use in that context, because the only thing that I would "love" is to be living my life again with my wife, Pattie" (which is not possible...right now). But, I CAN say that, after looking at all the other options out there, "I would rather live alone" than anything else. I have been blessed to have lived a life of "Heaven-on-Earth" with my "One-True-Love-Soulemate", Pattie and so I miss living with "her" not living with "someone". When the time comes, I believe that through God, Pattie & I will be reunited in eternal true love and in the presence of Christ's love.

I am only speaking for what I feel in my heart is right for "ME", and not others. If it feels right for others to remarry or live with someone new - then I encourage them to do so. I am aware that we are all different in many ways, and I truly hope for the best for everyone who has to go down this horrible road.
I feel I'm fairly independent, as I had lived alone for a few years before meeting Pattie, so the part about being on my own isn't what bothers me. The "PAIN" from the hole in my heart and the half of my soul being ripped away from me is what I try to deal with every day. Nothing else about this situation is an UNBEARABLE issue for me - only the part about not having Pattie here. I am unsure if that part will ever become bearable, but that is why I am on this site, go to therapy and look to the Lord for guidance. If I am unsure about something, I follow my heart at all times now because Jesus & Pattie are there in my heart and help to guide my way. I place all my trust and all of my faith in Christ the Lord that his will is sufficient for me each day... -Sam

I hate living alone. I am blessed since all my children and grandchildren live within 10 minutes and some within walking distance of our home.
I can't imagine how long it will take not to feel alone, even though I have 2 dogs that I enjoy so much.

Perhaps "love" sounds too strong a word to use in this case, but I'm past the point of OK, and maybe it needs a little more explaining.

The only thing I truly want is Richard, to resume life with me as we knew it. Coffee and the paper in the morning, chatting enroute to work, the daily phone calls, laughter, I love you's. And, I can't have it.

What I have now was handed to me. I didn't agree to it, nor did I want it. But I adapted. Adapted to a life that is suitable for me. It's comfortable, peaceful, and worryfree. I carry my husband with me wherever I go, and with whatever I see. That's my take on moving on.

Blessings, Debbie

Okay Deb ~ I changed my mind about living alone. I just got my new Bed in a Bag from Ebay and now I have to figure how to get the dust ruffle onto a king sized bed by myself.

I think there will be pain involved.

I pretty much told my grown daughters to move after 7 months because I'm much happier alone. I just couldn't take their messes anymore. They still live 20 minutes away, so I see them all the time. It turns out that we're much closer now. They call just to talk, whereas before they would come and go without much quality time, and used my house as a dumping ground for their things.It angered me every time I came home. I just don't want to live with anyone except Mike.

Debbie - your sense of peace & strength are very inspiring qualities that I hope to one day attain...thanks for sharing

Diz - your bedsheet situation reminds me of an old Three Stooges scene wher Curly is trying to pull the sheet over all 4 corners of his military bed matress....to no avail - it was simply impossible for him to do. Each time he pulled on one corner another one would slip off. Crazy Curly bit on, pulled, leaned, held onto the sheet and finally in the end he was catapulted off the matress smashing into his superior officer and out the barracks window. Good Luck...

Oldiz, you are making more complicated than it needs to be. Just start at the bottom and scoot it up. BTW what are you doing with a king size bed anyway? After I burned up my house (along with my fairly new very comfortable queen size mattress) I now have a double bed. There is still way too much empty space for my liking, can't imagine having a "mostly empty" king size matress! LOL