I would feel like he was there the first year sitting up on the mtn top edge looking at me. I could have sworn I could see him sitting there looking down on me. It took awhile to not vision that and accept he was truly not there.....I think its our coping mechanism in those during the beginning of grief's journey

Almost four months here - and still on the autopilot... My mind kind of understands the reality but my heart is not even close to it... It seems that every one else around expects me to start function "normally" but at this moment I just generally fear the future living without my dear husband forever...

I lost my sole mate 51 weeks ago. I still feel like I hear him coming home from work sometimes. I still find myself saying things to him about something on the radio or TV. I even get mad at him and fuss then I cry. Because that is when I realize he is not coming back. It is an on going process, I'm still waiting for the easier everyone says will come. Bless you

It was 2 weeks ago today that I lost Al. Sitting here in the house, my mind is telling me that he is in the hospital and will be home soon. When I go to bed, again, my mind tells me he is in the hospital so I better get some sleep so I can get down to the hospital early in the morning.

When those thoughts pass and I face reality, it is gong to be unimaginable. Al and I had such a huge social network of couple friends. I am the first to be alone and now I won't be part of that circle again.

Liz . . . I'm almost 8 months into the process and just now getting to "acceptance" that he's not coming home up the driveway. :( I looked for him and expected him (subconsciously) in many situations and times. Denial is a part of the process. It can run very deep. It's part of the process. Again, I will mention DABDA, the acronym for Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Anger. All aspects of the grieving process. You are experiencing "normal" range of expected emotions of "grief".

I have four dogs that now are allowed to sleep with me in lieu of "him". I often roll over and think I'm hugging him or he's hugging me. Bizarre. I talk to "him" all the time. I dream, wake, think and breathe what was. This too is normal.

I'm new to this site and I'm far from being "whole" . . . just sharing my experience and hope you are not left feeling alone in your grief journey. I think we all have similar emotions that are in-explainable and non-conversational to others that have not walked this path.

My sincerest condolences to you. Just know that you are NOT alone . . . the people in this support group are amazing and here for a reason. Resonate with that which supports and speaks truth to you.

Warm regards and a big hug. D

My husband's birthday was November 20th and the night of his birthday, I dreamed that he had come up the stairs to our room, got in bed with me and we cuddled while we played "footsies". It seemed so real. I had never dreamed that he had come back. I sometimes use to hear noises in the house and would always look to the bedroom door. He has been gone fifteen months. Grieving really has many twists and turns.

I know how you feel, its been 5 /12 months since I lost my husband & just tonite I was telling my daughter how I sometimes just imagine him coming back & saying he can stay. I dream of him often, and in some of them he tells me that he can't stay long. This is the hardest thing I have ever experienced and I am still surprised that i have not died from my broken heart. I tell him to make it possible for me to die in my sleep, so I can wake up in his arms.

It has been just over one month since my husband died at home . I was with him and so was his sister and his mom. At first i thought he just maybe passed out, so i kept calling his name but his mom said, no he's gone.
I feel many time like he is out of town. Like he'll be back soon enough. But i know it's not true. His truck is here his clothes all of his things and I have his beautiful Urn on my dresser beside the American Flag since he's retired Military, and our picture the first day we were married.
And yet I feel sometimes like he's just not home yet.
So I feel it's my brain or my emotions playing tricks on my heart. Because i miss him so badly.
Why we feel this way I don't know, but I have that feeling from time to time, too.

Absolutely! Especially the first few months. I didn't know how to operate "life" ...alone...all the "normal" routines were gone and it took me a while of floundering around in what felt like a surreal life, to begin to establish new routines that included only me. Somewhere in our heart and head we know they're gone and not coming back....but it took me a while to really "get that" deep down emotionally and mentally. Hang in there. Keep coming here often. Blessings.

Oh yeah. I still feel that way a lot. It's part of why I find it so hard to clean out his boxes - all those notes and manuals were so important to him, as if he might still need them. I know he won't come back but I so wish he would. I keep wanting to say, when someone asks what I want for Christmas our my birthday. .. I want my husband back! I keep thinking he's going to come to the doorway to see what I'm watching on tv - he did that a lot. or chime in from walk. Or maybe he's on one of his work trips or studying at a college again.