Oh yes. I really felt like that the first year. I thought maybe if I did everything right, if God really understood what I needed, J.R. would come back. I thought if I just wished enough, bartered with God and waited... I had days when I would drive up to the house at night after work and say to myself " All right I will go in and J.R. will be waiting and this f---ing nightmare will end." I think it is a coping mechanism. Plus, I lost J.R. without warning, no illness, I think it added to the surreal feeling. You are not nuts, just grieving.

Love, hugs and positive thoughts,
Valerie.

The first year, it was like, he was going to walk in the door any minute.

Oh yes, after a few months after passed away I felt he was going to walk through the door I still feel that away Vickie

Oh, yes! I remember that feeling like it was yesterday and it's been nearly 3 years. Eventually, denial was replaced with reality but it was definitely strange - like two different parts of my brain were at war with each other. You are NOT "nuts" - just normal.

Hugs,
Terry

Oh yes, It just not seem real that he is just gone. I look at his pictures and can not believe it. You are not nuts.

Your not nuts, this is normal. It took me about 6 months to stop expecting Paul to come through the door. I've stopped looking for him to appear. I even recently referred to his car as "my car".

Liz ...I think I felt exactly like you for most of the first year...no I don't think your nuts at all...sending you a big hug

I know what you mean. It's 5-1/2 months for me, and I still feel like I'm going through a test of some kind, or like it's boot camp, and when I've completed everything I'll get a "reward" of some kind. Karen

I am 4 and a half months into this and I can't stand 5 o'clock. He should be walking through the door! I could look at pictures for a couple of weeks and now I'm back to realizing he's gone forever when I look at them and it breaks my heart!
BIG hugs!
Rachel

At 76 days and even though I know he's gone and I don't watch the door at the hour when he would normally come home anymore I still almost daily say this can't be real. He can't really be gone. Tonight on the way home from work I was just driving and my mind went to he won't be there when you get home. It like it was finally saying this is it forever. I still feel whats left of my heart skip a beat though when I turn the corner and see his car in the driveway. There is a part of me that I think won't ever fully accept this.

A little over 5 months and yes - often have those feelings that Rich will be walking through that door. It can't be real. You're not crazy - or else we all are :) During the time Rich was in the hospital I was crazy - but the day after the funeral, I came home and saw his car parked where it always was - the first thought in my head was "Rich is home"! Needless to say I got rid of the car a few days later!! I knew I couldn't keep coming home and seeing it there and thinking that or I would go crazy! My counselor keeps reminding me that at 3, 4, 5 months we are still "raw" - so all of those feeling are normal. You are not nuts - - and you are not alone! Hugs to you...

I felt like that for a long time, probably over a year. I'm still hoping he will walk in the door

Every time the phone rang at work, I would hope it would be him to tell me that he is coming to pick me up to go home. I live my life these days as if he is still on business trip. I found myself talking and referring to him in present tense as if he is still with me.

I'm with all of you on this. I used to pick up Morey in front of the house and we'd go to dinner together.

I turn the corner and look for him EVERYDAY!!!!

Roz

It feels like a craving or hunger that can never be satisfied. I have caught myself thinking "Okay, I have had enough of this you being dead stuff, all right? It's not funny. Now stop it and come back!"

There is an emotional anticipation that is extremely hard to break. I have to be careful and not let it stall me out, or I will not be able to live my life and keep moving forward. I know it doesn't do me any good to sit back and wait for him or for his input. That was an early epiphany for me, that I was stuck a lot of the time because I was waiting for his half of the conversation, his half of the decision-making. The longing and subconscious anticipation can be excruciating!

So yes, been there, done that. You aren't alone.

Love and Hugs,
Martha