Why is it that when you just start feeling like you can deal with this grief, your mind just shifts our of nowhere and you think of your husband never coming in the door again....panic sets in?

I am ok for awhile and then something triggers it again. I have many family and legal issue hitting me in the face right now and I think it is adding to it. I just feel extremely lonely today and pacing the floors looking for something..I just dont know what? What is it I am looking for? Does this every happen to anyone else. It has been 3 months and people are expecting me to move along but I go one step forward and ten back. Physically I am fighting lyme disease and babesia all over again and the medications are ruthless. I always had my hubby to rub the pain away or just ask me what he can do for me...now I am alone fighting this and so scared that they will just find me dead on day in here. The medication reactions are horrible and one time it was so severe that, if not for my hubby, I would have died.

Sorry I am just scared, sick and lonely. I want so badly to be able to work once again and get out into the world but it is not possible for me..so lonliness it is....