I am sure today is a very difficult day for you. Forty four years together is a lifetime. I don't think it's ever enough time. And I know I too have felt the lack of purpose in my life many times since losing my husband 2 years ago. We were together for almost 33 years and it's so hard to lose such a huge part of our life and identity. We are like a person without a country. You really do mesh your lives together and become one. How do we do this without them? I have found it's day by day. I try to stay engaged with others and plan my free time. It's when I'm alone I feel it the most. And that is improving with time. It's not great but it's getting better over the past year. Try to take time to appreciate what a blessing it was to have him for so long. I know it doesn't make it any easier but sometimes we can change our perspective enough to feel a little bit less badly. I wish you peace. Marybeth

we were together 42 years, it is hard to lose your better half after all that time it's been 3 months for me. I couldn't cry at first. now I find myself crying at everything. I guess the numbness is wearing off.

We all wonder why..but it is what it is and we have to try and find happiness again some other way they say. so i figure if i think that enough times maybe it'll work. Cause nothing else makes sense an more. I wake up everyday and think i should be grateful cause i woke up again..and etc...then i decide not to think anymore. It works till i think.been trying to get my house into a home and its hard when i am so tired. Went for blood work and an xray and a ultra sound tomorrow is the fun one where i have to fast for 8 hours first. If they discover i am dying its ok with me..then i feel like a horrid person because our society tells us..we should always be grateful ( Hugs)..take it easy.

Thank you all,i am thankful of this site to let some of my anguish.shelda hope your check up is ok.take all

Greetings all, my husband passed on March 29th and a piece of my heart left with him. He started to show signs in February that something was not right. It was when I was released from the hospital on February 26th after having my left kidney removed due to renal cell carcinoma that he was able to be seen by our family physician on March 1st who sent him for blood work. The next day the doctor called and said to take him straight to the hospital. He was diagnosed with multiple myeloma. It came out of nowhere, he was an active healthy man. He was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes in 2014 but it was under control and he had no health issues with it. On March 10th he was released from the hospital and was given his 1st outpatient chemo treatment. On March 13th, he had his second treatment. He was experiencing nausea and couldn't keep his food down. He was so weak and looked so pitiful. He said all he wanted to do is cuddle so he sat next to me but not for long because he needed to lie down because he was exhausted and so weak. On March 16th, he developed a fever and he was wheezing. His Doctor told us to take him back to the hospital. My daughter and son were getting him dressed and putting on his shoes when he passed out. His eyes rolled back and he was unresponsive. We dialed 911 and the police and paramedics were sent to our home. He came to and he was taken by ambulance to the hospital. On Friday, March 17th my daughter, her husband and my grandson had to leave back to Florida as spring break was over. They stopped at the hospital in ICU before hitting the road for their goodbye hugs. Saturday, March 18th he was unable to find rest, had trouble breathing due to pneumonia and he looked so exhausted and distraught. He was totally disoriented and it was like he did not even know my sister and I were there with him. We stayed until midnight because I myself was exhausted after having major surgery. In the middle of the night the nurse called and asked my permission to intubate and sedate him so he could get some rest for his tired body. He remained unconscious until March 20th when they removed his breathing tube so he could be moved to hospice. He only lingered one hour before taking his last breath and a tear falling from his eye. My daughter from Florida, My son from Arizona and my youngest son from Elmhurst, IL and my self were by his bedside. I didn't mean to write a short story but it's therapeutic for me and I understand the sadness and sorrow everyone here is going through. I've joined a grief support group that meets on Wednesday's and everyone who attends are feeling exactly the same. I pray that we all find some peace to help us move forward. Love and prayers!

My handsome kind husband lost his 3 year fight against melanoma. It is too early for his story. But he was such a great partner. Together 38 years. I miss him so very much. This site is so much better for me then the group meetings.

Your broken heart strikes a chord with me. My husband went to Heaven almost 4 years ago, but it seems like yesterday. What you feel is totally normal. But let me encourage you--it will get better. You will always miss him, but your life will go on and have some good moments. I am currently attending Griefshare, a support group at my church. There are groups all over and you can find a local one at griefshare.com. It's a wonderful support group with videos of others who have suffered similar losses and who have found answers. It's giving me wisdom and strength from the Lord. I pray that you will find the support you need to conquer these difficult days and come through into the sunshine. God bless you.