In a month it will be two years for me. I am still crying. I have days where I hold it together pretty well then I fall apart again. I never could have imagined how truly awfully hard this was going to be. I have gained and lost the same 20 pounds at least 6 times since his death. It has taken a toll on my knees too. I wish I had suggestions. I wish I had answers. I know I will be reading what others suggest to you as I am so very lost too. Hugs to you and prayers of comfort.

I am at 5 1/2 year into this awful journey. I have learned that the only one I can depend on is me. I don't cry very much anymore but at times I get frustrated and the tears come. I carry my Jim with me in my heart wherever I go but I have no more fantasies that he will return. I don't like being lonely but I am an only child and it does help me know how to be alone. I keep myself as busy as I can and I do work. I am proud of the fact that I have kept my home for these 5 years and it is a lot of work owning a home. I bought a puppy named Mathilda to keep my dog Cleo company when Jim died and she is now 5. My Cleo is with Jim as of a little over a year ago. All in all my life keeps going on and I don't look too far into the future just day to day. I do look back and remember and it doesn't hurt anywhere near as much as it did at the beginning. I never thought at the beginning I would get to this point but here I am feeling much better.

As you know there is no one size fits all in this grief journey I know of some widowed that find a sense of balance and peace within a year and others who struggle for many many years and are still searching. I am truly sorry that the pain remains so intense for you. I just finished year 2 so I dont know about the 5 year milestone. I do believe when the tears flow it is the bodys natural way of letting us process everything. I also believe the loss of your dog likely aggravated your grieving process more.We become incredibly attached to them and rely on them for companionship. I have no real answers for you I just wanted to acknowledge your pain and send you the biggest hug possible with the hope you have gentler days ahead. Gerry

Hi Wendy,

I am only at nine months, so cannot comment on your question of a five year milestone. Every day seems to be a milestone in my world right now. Perhaps the sentiment remains to keep it one day at a time, no matter the years that have gone by. I agree with Gerry, I think the passing of your beloved companion pet has triggered the grief monster's button. Maybe it's too soon, but adopting another furry friend might be a consideration? I have four and don't know how I'd be managing without them. I just had to put one down (#5) and it def threw me into another grieving tailspin. I'm so sorry that you are experiencing this deep grief all over again. Just know you are not alone my friend. My prayers and hugs to you. Dayna

Good to hear from you, but wish it was better news. I just passed the 7 years mark in 2014 and there are triggers that bring me down. Having problems with your knees could be one and losing a pet definitely. The holidays always bring thoughts of the past and how it used to be.

If this is a temporary place you find yourself I wouldn't worry and continue with your daily routine or think about making some changes you might want. If it is a problem, getting in the way of your life I would check with your doctor. Depression is treatable , but only your doctor could know what you are struggling with.

I wish you well, my friend, and hope you hang around to visit with us. Sharon

((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))
What more can any of us do.
I am at just over 3 yrs and it hurts everyday.

Wendy,
I will reach the five-year mark in just two months. To compound the grief that I have felt since losing my beloved hubby, I also have lost two brothers and a sister-in-law. I can honestly say that tears no longer are on the surface, but they still come from time to time. I talk about John all the time, and he is still constantly with me. I have found that the only ones who understand me these days are those who have traveled this path. People still say the dumbest things to me, and I just have come to the conclusion they no know better. I have discovered who are my true friends since John's passing; and I am really surprised at who is still in my life and who is not. I am at the point where I want to start living again remembering that I am still among the living and that there are those who would love to be here on earth and are not. I am trying to appreciate more the blessings in my life, one being my grandchildren. They certainly cannot replace John but give me a reason to try and make the most of life as it is today. I cannot imagine ever having another relationship since I felt I had the best, and would always be playing the comparing game. I still have not parted with many of my husband's things and am in no hurry to do so. I have parted with his clothes and just few other things, but I like having his things around me. I know that is different for everyone, and I think all should do what is best for them. One thing I wish I could do is retire but will continue to work until I receive Social Security at age 66. I live in my grandparents' 109-year-old house; we had such great plans for renovations before John got sick. On my income, I am very limited on what I can do. Life is so different for me these days. I never thought I could live and survive after John passed away. It has taken me this long to want to live. Yes, I still have moments of extreme sadness. And, yes, I miss him every single day; however, God has me on this earth for a reason. I have to think that my grief will continue to diminish as time goes on, and that I will find happiness and peace in my future. I wish the very same for all those who visit this site. By the way, my wish is to get some weight off this year and maintain a healthier life style which is easier said than done. Good luck to you in this area as well. Fondly, Roxanne

it's been 5 3/4 years since my lovely wife died. But it really doesn't seem that long, since she and I shared a really intense love.

I don't cry much anymore. (At first I cried every morning in the shower.)

Although I tried to find someone else 3 years after her death, all that happened was I hurt a very good woman when I told her that I still loved my late wife and couldn't be with her.

So I just cherish my time with my late wife and am grateful that she loved me.

It's been a journey, and as Gerry wisely noted 'no one size fits all'.

At first I thought I could easily move on and find another great woman.

Then I thought I would never love anyone else.

Now I don't worry about the future. I'm just tremendously grateful for the love my wife gave me.

Hey Wendy, nice to hear from you, wish you weren't feeling so bad. :(

The short answer to your question is YES, the 5-year mark is a milestone, and seems to hit almost as hard as the first year does. I went through quite a time of it at 5 years. I finally just faced up to the fact it felt like a big deal, and then tried to do my best to acknowledge and observe it as a special day. It wasn't easy. I asked my family for one good story about Cliff that I could share with my sons, as I knew my sons were feeling like it was a big deal, too. Because of the passage of time, and others' lack of understanding, I was told I was "wallowing" and needed to move on. Kind of surprising considering all the "moving on" I have done!

You have to do what feels right for you, but I would suggest that you do something as an observance of the day and passage of time, and the sheer fact that you have managed another 5 years. You should give yourself some credit for all of that! So I think some acknowledgment of the past, but with an acknowledgment of your progress -- yes, there has been progress! -- is in order for your aching heart. A ritual of some kind, whether it's flowers and prayers at the graveside or simply lighting a candle thanking God for what you had and what you still have, or some celebration with the kids, whatever feels right. Maybe ask yourself what you think Pat wiuld want you to do and go from there.

The loss of a fur-baby is hard. My cat in the States and the cat here in the UK that was my companion my first very lonely year here were both put down in the space of 6 months. I cried and cried and cried. It hit me surprisingly hard. To have that happen for you right before the holidays must have been grueling for you. I am so sorry you went through that loss, too. It's no wonder you are feeling so lonely and sad! It might be a good idea to get another dog, not just for the company, but also to help get you moving around again. People with dogs tend to get more exercise than those of us with cats!

I hope some of this helps. Every year anniversary has been different for me, and each one has been hard, but in different ways. You're not crazy, or doing anything wrong, I think it is pretty common and normal what you are experiencing. It will pass.

Love and Big Hugs,
Martha

WOW, I am honoured with all of your comments. I do take a mild depression helper, and I do have more good days than bad. I think a lot has to do with the recent loss of my canine daughter. No more pets for me. I could never go thru having another one leave me, and now for the first time since I was 27 years old, I am only responsible for me! I will be here more often. HUGS to all. Wendy

I am close to 8 years. My feelings go back and forth at different times. I was with him since I was 13 until he died when I was 55 so I expect I will always be on somewhat of a roller coaster of emotions! Being alone is hard but I have learned to cope(most of the time) but somedays I just miss him so much my emotions go haywire. But my time with him made it worth the pain and the memories make it bearable. So like he would want I try and find happiness. My furbabies are my life both gifts from him and I am dreading the day I lose one. Hugs!!!