Oh Diane - it is a frought field out there! I have signed up to three - chickened out of two as I was worried that it was not good, and had a bad experience with the one date I did accept. (She wanted money!) There are some really weird folks out there on these sites. You really need to be very cautious. For my advice the time thing varies so much. I am carefully dating a lady who was a mutual friend of DW and mine for ten years. If you feel you would like to have a man to chat and share time with then you are probably ready to see someone. But be very careful... John

Hi Dianne: I have been widowed for about 14 months and felt it was time to get on with my life. I was married for 40 years so obviously I have not dated in a while. I researched all the dating sites and Match.com came very highly recommended. I joined and paid the fee for 6 months and am very dissappointed in it. They send you matches every day but I have found that they are from different parts of the counry some 3000 miles.I wish you well in this process and as far as if it is too soon everyones grief process is differengt

E Harmony is awful. Match.com is ok Singlesnet is the best I think. I have gotted a lot of interest just not from the right guys...but I am not ready anyway, I was just curious. I am Oct 21 2009 and the lonelys get to you.

I tried a few back when my husband and I divorced fourteen years ago. Match.com, and a few christian dating services I can't recall. Problem with the christian sites is the matches were too far. Match.com was better. With all of them you have to be very careful. Anyone can lie. Some people do background checks on guys but this can be costly.

Try this thread.

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Widows_Widowers/forum/9131047-dating-sites-us

It is a buyer be ware market. Know what you want. Know what your willing to part with. Know where to draw your boundries. Make sure your doing it for the right reasons. Put your best foot forward.

For example: If you want someone with in driving distance don't talk to anyone that is so far away that you can't go out on a face to face date with.

Be honest with your answers and expectations.

Put 3 photos out there. A close up, a full length body photo with you next to something everyone knows what the height is like a light post or water fountain so they can see how tall you are in comparision and an action photo of you doing something you actually enjoy doing. No pets, not pictures containing other people in them.

Keep answers short, sweet and to the point.

Never give out a private e-mail address for on line chatting or IM'ing. If you chat use the sites chat room that they provide. If the person is not on the up and up they will shy away from that, if they are honest they will not have a problem with it.

Never give out your real full name to anyone until you have met them face to face and they check out and never meet any place private or intimate for the first 2 dates. It should be public and busy. The meeting should be brief no longer than 30 to 45 minutes in length and you should have a friend go with you the first time or at the very least know where you are going and call you 10 minutes into the meeting to make sure your okay and if you decide you don't like the guy or he gives you the creeps then you can use the friend as an excuse to leave.

If the relationship progresses to the point of giving out your personal information ask a friend to sit in on your private chats the first couple of times to make sure the conversation doesn't change to dramatically. Watch out for broken English and inconsistancies in information, avoiding questions, changing topics, or accusations like you don't trust me or you don't like me. Big Red Flags.....Run as fast as you can away from this kind of person. Scam artist or abusive you don't need either one.

Before meeting in public I would meet via skype on the internet so that when you do meet in public you know what the guy looks like so you know who to look for. That way your not going into this thing blind.

These are the suggestions I have gotten from my research.

Now as far as my experience....not good over all.

Although I did have contact with 2 good guys which did not work out. One was to far away and unwilling to move to me and the other was in my own back yard but wanted to move to asia and be perminant missionaries there which was not my hearts desire. The others were scam artitsts, perverts, and sleezy self centered none Christians even though they called themselves Christian. What a drag.

The scam artists wanted money and asked where I worked, what I did, and how much I made for a living and when they found out that I didn't make much they tried the emotional menipulation of you don't like me you don't love me thing, your making this relationship difficult why don't you just relax thing.

The perverts were asking me what I was wearing, how do I like to wake up in the morning, and was I good in bed.

The self centered, sleezy guys would ask me to describe myself, send them a picture, ask me if I would move to them, if I liked kids and/or would be willing to have more kids, what my finances looked like, if I had kids and their ages, what I did for a living and how much I made, If I wanted to be a stay at home mom or a working mom, if I stayed at home would I expect him to pay for everything would I sign a prenup. Not bad questions in due season but right off the bat? Come on. He didn't care about me. The only thing he cared about was himself and protecting his assets and what he wanted and was I willing to give it to him. This kind of guy might even suggest his dreams as the way it is going to be. It may sound very appealing on the surface especially if it is something you really want and miss but is very controling in tone and he never asks what your dreams/desires are cause he doesn't care.

Honestly, I didn't realize dating was such a dangerous sport. Maybe I am very old fashioned but my conclusion is that dating sites ask to many question. People can look through your profile and know more about you then your own mom does before even speaking to you they have drawn a predetermined impression of you. They feel they already know you and therefore they whole experience is excelerated way to fast for me.

Give me the old face to face one date at a time slow getting to know you, sharing stories and experiences, laughter and tears and struggles and victories and choosing to stick with you even though your frustrate them and try their patience and you all of the sudden have a good friend in which to build a good solid relationship.

If your wanting to get out and meet people and socialize and test the waters I suggest www.meetup.com or Events and Adventures or a local singles group through church as your first step.

I think meetup.com would be a better way for you to go. I suspect it's probably too soon for you to be ready to date, but that you are in need of friendship and social contact. Meetup would give you the opportunity to do that and also help you determine how you're really feeling about starting new relationships.

Good luck. Love and Hugs, Martha

The first thing to consider is that At 5 months, dating was the furthest from my mind. It still is at 11 months. I am one of the rare breeds that is enjoying being on her own, and still proud to say that I am/was his wife. I still wear my rings and have no intention to change my last name. I would rather spend the rest of my life socializing with good friends and my family, and working on my "bucket list", than worry about dating or accepting a date.

I spend my time focusing on me and what I want now. My goal is to do and see all the wonderful things my DH and I never got a chance to, or revisit those wonderful places we spoke of doing. My goal is to live life on my own terms, when I want and how I want. I guess it is the fierce independence of a Scorpio/Sagitarrian emerging again.

I feel blessed for having 38 years with my DH and a day doesn't go by that I don't feel his presence. If I can make my 80's, look back and say, "Wow, God blessed me with a wonderful partner and marriage, and look at everything I did on my own and was blessed by it", then I have indeed had a wonderful life.
Debbie

Craig and I met on an Internet dating site. I had some interesting experiences and ended up with the love of my life. You just have to protect yourself. I called with ID blocking and wouldn't give out my phone number or address at first. Met them in public places with my own car on a Sunday afternoon for the first time. Nobody I met was ever a threat and I had some great adventures before settling down with my true love.

Stay away, stay away, stay away from dating sites. My estranged husband tried to reinvent himself via dating sites instead of working on our marriage, sadly. I found out (unbeknownst to him) a year into our separation that he had been scammed for about $10,000. I thought he'd never let it happen again, but he was so lonely for love. I filed for divorce, I filed for child support, and a week later he killed himself. It turned out that he had been scammed at least two more years- bye bye to about $60K. I have his passwords and files so I found a lot of info about how they did it. Granted he obviously had mental issues- but these people lurk on ALL the sites mentioned. I keep his email active and they STILL contact him to ask why he hasn't been onlne.... I had been curious about online sites myself prior to all this but after it all I never looked at them again.

Do what my wise son told me. Get out and do the things you like to do. If its hanging at the library, skiing, hiking, volunteering at the food bank, whatever. If it is meant to be, you will meet someone with the same likes you have. But do not go looking for trouble. There are too many phonies out there.

Hi
I see that match.com every one is telling you that a good site. Will I have to agree. My husband and I meet on match.com. I did meet a lot of losses also but I was worth the time. We had a wonderful marriage until he died. I miss him so much. By the way my girl friend meet a man and is married also. I wish you luck but be careful. If your gut says no about some one then go with that. I had a list of hat I wanted in a man. Im not talking about looks. I Live in illinois so when I found there last name I did check there name out with Illinois state police sex affends No I never found any one name on the list but I wanted to be safe. I also google there name. I girl can never be to safe. Good luck and take care