It's been 6 months since my husband died and I don't know anyone who actually has been satisfied with the sites you mentioned. I've heard plenty of horror stories about some of them. I have two friends that also lost their husbands this past year and they are hesitant to use the sites. I think some of the people are not "honest" in the information they provide on the sites. Surely there are some that are for those who lost their spouse but I have not heard of them.

Hi, we both are on the same time table.

I remember going out the first time, I was going to prove to myself I was not ready, but my daughter told me that I should try.LOL, it was not as scary as I had thought.
wishing you the best, as you step out.

most sites you have to pay for, plenty of fish is the only one I know you do not.
if you do find any let us know too. Ok,

The only advise I can offer is to hold on to your sense of humor!

I don't know of any other sites, but I've had some good luck with a few of the ones you have mentioned. I haven't found 'the one' yet, but I've had some good times and hopefully made a few friends along the way.

Online dating is an adventure, for sure. ;)

I have tried a few of those sites and have met nice people. I think you should list yourself as being single. Then when you talk or meet you can share the fact that you lost your wife recently. Being a widow shouldn't have anything to do with dating and starting over. It is something to talk about later. Shirley

Hi Bruce, When I initially decided to start dating I signed up on E-Harmony. I didn't particularly care for that site so next I tried Match.com and another site (I think it was called Christian Mingle?). After a year of meeting and dating on these sites I posted my profile on widowsorwidowers.com.

I read a lot on DS about people's "horror" stories when it comes to internet dating. That has not been my experience. I actually corresponded with, met, and dated a number of very nice men. We didn't happen to be a "match" for a long term relationship, but dating gives you an opportunity to discover that, and the time spent writing emails on the internet helps you to "weed out" a lot of people whom it's not worth your time or theirs to meet. I did encounter a couple of dishonest or deceptive men, but it didn't take long to figure that out. I was suspect of any individual who wanted money or was always complaining about the ex-wife -- those are HUGE red flags!

I always initially met a man in a public location and drove my own car until I felt comfortable enough to trade more personal information. Also, I didn't hesitate to use an on-line investigation company to do a background check on someone I decided to start dating. I was up front about this with the men I dated and they actually encouraged me to do this.

As widowed spouses we are very emotionally vulnerable, so we have to be doubly careful to use common sense and good judgment. However, I don't think we have to be scared and paranoid about meeting people on the internet. No matter where we go in life there are good people and bad people, users and givers, honest people and deceptive people.

I will tell you that I personally think widowed spouses do best with other widowed spouses. After a year of dating divorced men I simply gave up. I didn't share the same experiences with them. They had trust issues, anger issues (with the ex), alimony, child support, visitation problems . . . . you name it. My husband had simply died and I was grieving. I found that divorced men tended to be somewhat threatened by my grief. One guy actually told me I should stop talking about my husband and leave it in the past. Are you serious? How does one do that? I'm not LIVING in the past, but the past shapes who I am.

After I stopped dating divorced men it occurred to me that perhaps I should try meeting a widowed man. I wasn't sure how to go about accomplishing this so I went online, did a little searching and found several dating sites specifically for widowed spouses. I posted my profile on one called widowsorwidowers.com . . . . and the rest, as they say, is history.

Three weeks from today I will stand before God, my family and my friends and make a covenant vow to love, honor, and cherish an INCREDIBLE widowed man until death parts us!

The beauty of two widowed souls joining together is the shared understanding of grief. My fiancee and I have often held each other and cried for all the loss in both our lives, the loss our children and families have endured. There is no jealousy or comparison to our former spouses, and instead we encourage each other to talk about them. In our shared experiences we find great comfort. And we have an appreciation for each moment of life that we didn't share with our deceased spouses because we hadn't lived through this kind of grief when we were married to them. We are confident our marriage will be even BETTER than what we had before (and we had great!) because of who we have become through the grief.

I hope that helps or encourages someone. Keep us posted. Your friend, Tami

I've been working on the part where you tell about yourself, so far this is what I have: Really screwed up emotionally right now but willing to try a new relationship I think, not sure but it might be worth a try. I cry a lot but then have periods of elation bordering on being happy. I like to camp and we can go out in my wife's' boat and fish. If you call wandering around the woods aimlessly hiking I like to do that too. I like dogs too, right now I have nine.

How does that sound?

She would also need to be prepared to hear all about my wife and our life together, I've known her since junior high school so I have plenty of stories. I would also like to continue to wear my wedding ring as a reminder of my one true love. So I don't know, maybe I'll feel differentially about all this as time goes by, but things just seem to get worse instead of better.

I wish you luck on your internet wife search and pray you find what you're looking for.

I'm sorry, I read the promise to be nice part after I hit send. Been having a lot of post Valentine's Day depression and crying a lot this week.

Again, I'm sorry and wish you the best.

Hugs,
Ron

Thanks to all of you that have replied and I hope to hear more stories. Have checked out widowsandwidowers and my profile/pictures are there. Contacted a few ladies and have had one contact. Many of the women must not check back on the site as a number have not read the email sent. Oh well. Tami, thanks a lot for your response; you've been very helpful from the womans point on this and I very much appreciate what you've done. Am very happy for you on your upcoming marriage ... very cool. The more I think about a widow dating a widower, the more it makes sense. Most folks JUST DON"T GET IT when talking about us losing our spouse. My youngest son came home Friday night which was nice but he's going back to the Twin Cities already today. I just may make that 1st phone call to a lady I've know 6-7 yrs who is going through a divorce. It would be my intial baby step toward dating but little strokes fell big oaks. Will let you know how (if) I take the big jump (at least to me).
Bruce

I have went to some of the site but after i fill it out I chicken out and never finish. Guess that must be I am not ready. But I sure am lonely!

I am happy to see that this issue has surfaced. I have only been without my husband for four months and feel so guily to think about meeting someone so soon but lonelyness gets the better os me sometimes. I have checked out E Harmony and do not like their format at all. It is cold. I have checked out Match.com and fine it more user friendly. I have only looked to satisify my curiousity. I think Internet sites for dating are interesting. I hadn't thought about what Shurfee said about listing yourself as single. It makes sense. I am not quite ready to date yet but I know I don't want to be alone.

I think I would be just terrible when it got time to fill out my profile. It would read a lot like Hooksr's. I know I am not ready but I do have to confess to being curious and have thought about what it would be like to date somebody. It seems very scary to me. I also wonder why dating a widow or widower would scare somebody. Some guy that was married 36 years tells me that he can step up to the plate and has what it takes? I would say it would say the same for the ladies. Tried, tested and true.

I didn't find these sites fulfiling. I also went on JDate. I am not Jewish, but Marge was and my kids were raised as Jews and I have a great sense of community there. People were nice, but the process to me seemed forced, fake in a way. I found some nice people in the real world and am seeing one. She also lost her husband, so it is a smoother fit. Although still hard as she is much younger than me with kids at home and mine are grown. Dunno what will become of it, but after one year of being without my honey of 37 years, I am happy to have a good special friend in my life. And I really enjoy being with her.

The fear of living in the shadow of the deceased spouse is a real and valid concern. When your spouse dies, there is a period of time where all you remember are the good things about them - you put them up on a pedestal and suddenly they are not the human being you were married to but a saint with no flaws, no faults, no vices, etc. Nobody wants to compete with that kind of thing for a person's love and devotion. The human mind compares - we're hard-wired to do it - but that's an incredibly dangerous thing when you start comparing real, live human beings to saints! I would strongly caution anyone that's venturing out to form a new relationship to make sure you're seeing the new person as an individual and not trying to hold them up to some impossible standard of the Saint Husband/Saint Wife.

I wasn't looking for a new partner, and never expected to find one. Friends insisted I should check out the dating sites - I looked at them and knew they were not for me. So I can't give any advice on which sites. My single friends that have tried them have had nothing but rotten luck with the guys they've met that way. Locally at least, a lot of the men have turned out to be married and looking for a bit of you-know-what on the side. Yuck!

When I became a widow and thus "single" there were men that I am acquainted with that seemed interested in me (no, it wasn't mutual). But they were divorced and every time the subject of their ex's came up, they were so filled with anger and bitterness that I knew that wasn't something I could ever deal with either. Who wants to share their life with someone that is angry and bitter all the time?

I had to be loved for myself, including that part of my self that was the result of 30 years with my husband, and the impact of his loss on me. I think it's easier for widows/widowers to form a new bond with another widower/widow. But that's just my opinion...

interesting about marking yourself as single, something Inever thought about.
Yet I do know I met one guy that was a widow and he was bitter and angry.
He wanted more from a widow than what a single person would want. It was amazing and sad.
so be aware some widowers expect much more due to thier wife was a Saint and an angel to them.
the way Ilook at it, no matter if we date a widower or a divocee, we have to be ready to accept the person for who they are, and not try to put them in the shoes our mates had walked. It two different lives and we cannot replace our mate with someone that will be like them. that road is closed, and we have to allow the other person to be an individual
on thier own merits.

"That road is closed" - that's a perfect way of putting it Barbara!