Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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lost4heart 05/02/2016

Dear Friends. May I ask you all a personal question? I had to start working with Mark at his weakest. We had no choice. We'd used up all our savings. I had 2 small kids. Aged 3 & 8. I'd go to work and panic if I'd find him alive when I get home. This went on for 4 + years. My fear was always that he would call for me and I wouldn't be there for him. My other fear was that my kids would be stuck with the situation if he died while I wasn't there. My prayers were answered that I was there. It was on a Saturday night @ 10:30 pm. He died in my arms. He took 3 spaced out breaths while I held him and talked to him. The kids were present.
Now my question is would it have been better to not see it? I can't process the scene. It keeps returning. I'm not sure I can get over it.
For those of you who found your loved ones after they had passed. Is it worse for you? I am truly sorry if this is an offensive line. But I would really like to know if anyone is willing to share? Respect for your personal feelings is my deepest wish. Please forgive me if this is insensitive. I don't mean to be.
Please tell me. If you feel you can?

honey01409 05/03/2016

Dear Lost, I was with Tom ,I leaned over his bed and held him when he took his last breath. I will never forget it but I was glad I was there, I hope he knew I was there.. God Bless

ellio329 05/03/2016

I am so grateful that I was able to hold my husband's hand as he took his last breath. He had had an aortic dissection in Feb 2015 that he should never have survived, and when we knew he was not going to make it through this time (January 2016) I wondered why God had not just taken him last Feb if he was only going to take him from me anyway. But then I realized that I was blessed to have the opportunity to tell him how much I loved him, and to say goodbye. I can't imagine how much more tortured I would feel if I had not had that opportunity.

They say it gets easier with time, but I'm not there yet. The best we can do is take it day by day, hour by hour, sometimes minute by minute when the pain is so bad that you can't breathe. God bless.

junlu 05/03/2016

We were all there, my kids and family. I was able to hold on to her while each one of my son held her hands. My oldest son read her diary she wrote when he was born, I spoke to my wife and guided her thru it, we all told her the love we had for her, I talk to her for over an hour telling her how lucky I was to have her in my life, other family members were telling stories of our life with her, and some were praying in the background. She died peacefully.

It has been three months since her passing, and I am glad we were able to be there. I just wish she was still here with me.

bpatton 05/05/2016

I saw my husband that morning went to the office. When I got home the doctor called me and said they gave him adrenaline to make sure he lived untill I could get there. I called a friend to drive me. He passed on 10/15/15 at 8:28. I wanted to be there. I kept telling him it was ok. I remember my scream.. It sounds the same in all languages.

lost4heart 05/05/2016

When I screamed I didn't realize that the noise was coming from me. My 13 year old son said. That's not going to help. Call the ambulance. I knew it was over though. Because I knew his wish was not to be resuscitated. It's heartbreaking. Peace to you all. Xx

tkmeaway 05/05/2016

I am so sorry for your loss. My husband passed from lung cancer on 07/18/2015. I woke up during the night and decided to check on him...I could tell it was time. I called my daughters (his step children) and they came over. I think he waited until they were all there so I wouldn't be alone. We all said our goodbyes and when he took his last breath I just knew that was it. I wouldn't change a thing other than him not leaving us at all. I think about that night a lot....and cry a lot...but I'm so happy I was there for him. He was such a sweet man...he deserved family with him. I pray for peace for you. Take care, Marilyn

letty65 05/06/2016

Hello...please hold on to the knowledge that he was in your arms and with those who loved him during his last moments.
My husband passed at home too. His mother was here with me but neither of our children were in the room when he took his last breath. I keep going back to that moment too. Would it have been easier to not see him take that final breath. But I think of him and how peaceful he was. He knew we were there for him.
I was with both my parents at the time they passed. It lingers in my mind and it hurts but I know that it brought them peace knowing that they weren't alone or surrounded by strangers. All of them have pieces of my heart with them in Heaven.
Hugs to you and your children.

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