Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Today a storm started brewing, not a big one, but one with lots of wind, trees bending and jerking around. Joe and I used to love to experience a storm together. He had 2/3 of our deck made into a screen room where we could sit and drink our coffee and feel the wind blowing on us, hear the rain hitting the roof over us, and we felt snug and dry as we watched and felt the weather and talked.
Today as the wind picked up and the sky started turning darker, I said, "Honey, a storm's coming. Wanna sit outside on the deck?" No answer. I said, "Wow, those trees are really bending low and lots of leaves are floating down. See that?" No answer. I thought how happy Joe would be at this very moment if he were here. I thought maybe I should go out and sit by myself, but it is a little scary alone during a storm. I looked out the sliding glass doors at our adirondack chairs that we used to sit in. They were empty. We had such happiness there, so much closeness, so much laughter, so many plans for our future.
I stayed inside in my recliner as I watched the storm alone and felt such sadness. Such little things.....they would mean nothing to anyone else, but they meant everything to us. I was so sad today.
What stories do all of you have to tell of your "doing nothing together"? Would love to hear them.
Today as the wind picked up and the sky started turning darker, I said, "Honey, a storm's coming. Wanna sit outside on the deck?" No answer. I said, "Wow, those trees are really bending low and lots of leaves are floating down. See that?" No answer. I thought how happy Joe would be at this very moment if he were here. I thought maybe I should go out and sit by myself, but it is a little scary alone during a storm. I looked out the sliding glass doors at our adirondack chairs that we used to sit in. They were empty. We had such happiness there, so much closeness, so much laughter, so many plans for our future.
I stayed inside in my recliner as I watched the storm alone and felt such sadness. Such little things.....they would mean nothing to anyone else, but they meant everything to us. I was so sad today.
What stories do all of you have to tell of your "doing nothing together"? Would love to hear them.
- Jerry would go for bagels before a shower - he always ''reported''
about the cute blonde who worked at Einstein bagels - I always
said she was young enough to be his daughter - he always said
''so what'' - she was cute - I checked her out - he didn't stand a
chance - ha ha ha..
- I would make coffee
- he would always have an ''everything'' bagel - I would always
tell him that they had too much salt - he never listened - I miss
nagging sooooo much!!!
- I would ''arrange'' his paper - Comics, business, Front Page I got the rest, and would only get the above when he was done - he hogged it ,and kept all the sections in a pile - couldn't touch it - he was an orderly paper fanatic!!!!
- He would read me the good comics
- Meet the Press at 9 - together - always
I still have the Einstein Bagels card on my fridge - he only needed a few more punches for a free dozen - I can't go in there anymore.
Dull, I know, but it was our time always - no rushing around
Once we realized that Bill was sick though, we made it a habit (or maybe it was me) to lay down in the bedroom every evening about 6 for an hour. Sometimes we watched TV, played with the cats, or dozed but every night, that was our time. Once he would fall asleep then I would get up and start dinner.
I loved cooking for him. We rarely ate out. Now, I hate to cook. Basically if it doesn't go in the microwave or the George Foreman grill then I don't eat it. And I really hate that grill but it is simple and fast so use it. Pot pies, chicken nuggets, and kelbasia seem to be my diet now. Nothing tastes good.
I still feed the turkeys and deer, but just don't take the pleasure in them that I used to. We could sit for hours on the back porch watching the critters.
I don't think anything will ever be right again. At least not the way I want it.
Sherry-WV
...another sums it up so well!!
Maybe that's why Sundays seem to be the worst. DH was usually home on Sundays, we could sleep in, just do nothing together around the house or get industrious & do yard work together or grocery shopping without allowing that he'd get called to go to work. We aren't big goers unless we're on vacation away from home, really quite comfortable just hanging out at home. Someone would invariably need a computer fix whenever he was home. They would always apologize for taking him away from me for their emergency since RRing kept him away a lot already, but he always made time to help them out, and he always came back...
We have great storms during summer Monsoon season here. A bit of warning when the wind kicks up, lots of thunder & lightening, a short downpour of rain, then it's all over. DH always laughed at me when I'd start up my little chiminea to burn pine cones & just sit out on the covered patio absorbing the ambiance of it all - but he was always right there with me.
BIll and I started a garden center business the year we married.(wwwlplumlinenursery.com).
Not your typical garden center - a real work of art. (All Bill's talent).
We remind our customers that even though the world is going at such breakneck speed.............. plants still grow "on God's time."
When you get out in the yard and take a deep breath, you can almost feel yourself slowing down to God's time. - the speed that was meant for us.
Memory gardens are so good all the way around - for everybody.
Bill wrote to me in a card when we first met............"Look at a flower, absorb it's beauty and then give it back to the world in the form of a smile or a prayer or a kind word. "
I pick a flower every day in Bill's memory....take that beauty and try to spread it to someone else.
It's the least I can do to honor him. The love of my life.
I'll either have my disability by next spring or I will be getting my widows pension in March or April.
We both liked growing all kinds of things. Although Bill would have a battle every year with the critters over the vegtable garden. He thought they should stay out of it. I told him just plant more for the critters.
He loved certain flowers and shrubs. I love flowers, shrubs and trees. That is a perfect idea to remember Bill. Thank you so much!
Sherry-WV
Another fav was sitting on our screened in porch and having a coffee with Bailey's Irish Cream, or Amarula. I've changed the decor of the porch since he passed, but the view is still the same. Now I share it with the cat.