Kevin,
My husband killed himself and I know that your wife, would not like you even thinking about it. It's been 5 years for me too. It does take time, but also, you have to start thinking of others. The most important thing, I learned, is to reach out to other people and help them. It really does give you a new look at life. You don't give your age, but if you are retired, you need to get out of the house, some way, some how. Go to the library, a coffee house, a museum. Just getting out into the world again, makes a big difference.

A new relationship will not save you. You can't put that on someone's shoulders. You have to be happy by yourself first, before you can bring someone into your life. I always liked the phrase, fake it till you make it. That might not work, but that's part of what I did. You do have to work through your grief, and get help for your depression. Meds now can help so much. Talking to someone could help too.

Don't do something, that will destroy your family. They already have lost your wife. Good Luck and my God bless you.

Paula

It has been 8 years for me! I also suffer from severe depression. I feel your pain I too at times have felt like I just could not go on alone. But I have grown children who love me and grands and a great grand on the way. Grief is harder when you are already depressed. I do take medication I don't want to but I have to for my own well being. With medication and excercise I manage to keep such horrible feelings of despair at a level I can manage. When I am down I walk sometimes I walk and cry but a good fast walk with or without the tears always gets me through the worst! Please hang in there our loved ones want us to be okay!

taking your life is not an option. Soldier on because you must - and you can. Let your life make your loved one proud. Whatever pain is before you, it is not greater than the support behind you. Living through loss is something few of us escape - would you fail in that?
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Prayers for you Kevin and know you are not alone,, God's timing not ours...I also stand in agreement with post from Praised.. HIGS !!! Carol

Hi Kevin,
You loved your wife so much and to be present during her passing is something that takes time to get over. Try to get involved with someone that has experienced the same lost of a spouse. It is good to read the replies of the widows or widowers on this site but, it is better to find someone that you can talk to one on one in person. Maybe, you can set up a special time each week to discuss what you are experiencing personally in the lost of your wife, and eventually the both of you can draw strength from each other. I believe that this will some how give you the strength to began to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Take care!

Kevin - please read my earlier post of today "Don't get on the anniversary train." It is a positive message that can be good for all of us. Have you been to a local support group or seen a grief counselor? If not, please consider it. Many DS members have reported good results from one-on-one help. Come here often - people care!
Doye

I lost my husband eight years ago this next June to a massive heart attack, which I also witnessed. Its still devastating to me, but I have since raised our children, finished my Bachelor's Degree, and have enjoyed my own life with my husband being with me spiritually. I have tried dating and had a relationship since my husband's passing, but the life I had with my husband is one I still enjoy and am not interested in changing that. I would suggest discussing with your doctor very soon your feelings and getting some help. You are just as important as your wife and you don't have to be alone in your grieving. Take care.

Kevin, You are not alone at all my husband has been gone 9years this May. I too was home alone when my husband passed away. We worked that day came home ate supper and everything was fine. Had done some laundry and Al helped me fold it and than took towels done to bathroom to put away and had a heart attack and was gone I was told before he feel to the floor he was 55 I too heard him take his last breath and most awful thing in this world. I still am so lonely we were married 32 years. I think I might be to the point were to have a male friend to talk with would be nice. I do know I never want to get married again no one could ever replace Al.