You are so heartbroken as so many of us are. It's good you are putting it out there. You need comfort and understanding and you can find that here. Oh yes, how we all want them back. In the beginning you are on such a rollercoaster. Day to day and moment to moment things change. I still have those moments or days after almost 23 months. Still miss him so very, very much but I have survived. I participate in an organization which brings widows/widowers together for socializing. I've mentioned it in prior posts and it helps to have those connections. Griefshare is also a great resource. Local bereavement groups can help. Nothing will give us what we want but we can use all of the resources available to find our way. It's good to let it out Yell, , scream, cry. I also read a lot about the afterlife and spiritual writings to help me. I leaned on God even when I was angry with him. We never know the why and that is soooo hard. But we can put one foot in front of the other even when we are sliding back. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you

Msbklyn, i know you are right, i know i must go on, some days are ok, some even good, today so bad. I am angry with God, i am confused, trying to reason this out, which i cant ofcourse. The missing is just so suffocating, it hurts so much. But tomorrow thr sun will shine and i will get up and do what needs to be done, but now i want to scream and cry

It has also been five months since my husband passed too. It is getting easier but I do have days I just start crying out of no where. I have learned not to fight it anymore. I miss him everyday but I know he is not coming back. I need to move on for my kids and my own sanity. All you can do is take it one day at a time. I have really found great comfort in coming to this site. Knowing I am not alone on this journey makes me feel better. I wish you well.

Lielie, it's only been 7 1/2 weeks for me, and I totally understand what you're going through. The people on this board have helped me so very much. I honestly don't know what I would've done without them, what I would still do without them. I can't offer any wisdom. It's still too fresh and raw for me, but I can relate completely. Try not to blame God, or anyone, for what happened. I was raised to believe that God does not make things happen, but allows things to happen. I know that doesn't help those who pray for miracles, but it does help me to accept my earthly day to day life. When you ask, why me? Ask, why anyone? Would you really wish this horrible fate on another person? I know that may seem silly or stupid, but it gets me through. They say God doesn't give us more than we can handle, and if that is true, He's expecting you to get through this. Allow yourself to grieve on days like this. Cry, scream, yell , rail at the world if you will. It's okay, and it's completely normal. We have to let it out. I hope that you have a better day tomorrow. All the best to you. <3 Anita

I just made it through the 2 year mark on July 31st. I miss my husband every day . I recently learned I am a great pretender . I can pretend everything is fine most of The time but it's not the same . But I think all we can do is pretend until we aren't pretending anymore . I have some really good moments,and so will you . Time is there but It's not always your friend I feel like it's been forever and just yesterday all at the same time . Have you gone through counseling ? Those guys are amazing . I can't believe the difference my counselor makes for me . Good luck you guys We are all stuck until we learn to Live again .

Morning guys.........I sat reading all your comments, and I realised it is ok to feel as I do/ did. To know in years it will still be ok to feel like I do. It scares the hell out of me. I am 43, I don't want to feel this broken forever. In 4 years both kids will have finished varsity, have their own lives, I will be alone. I don't want to be alone feeling like this. It will grind be to dust. For now I must move my mm at a time, very hard though, focus is a bit gone these last few days. Some days I wish the days would move faster, can't it be next year already, 5 years from now..... Then this pain would be bearable already. But that will not happen. I must deal with my scream days, same as I am thankful for my sunny days. Oh God, I miss him so

I'm sorry your husband passed on. You are ok in how your feeling. You are allowed to grieve in any way that you need to. Just take one hour at a time. It's ok to be upset, but remember, hate breeds more hate. When my husband died, I was never mad at god. He is not the reason that my husband died. God is there to carry us through this, but it is still ok to be mad at god for awhile. It takes awhile to realize that although your husband is not here physically, he is there with you spiritually and/or in your heart. I know it's hard, its been almost 3 years for me, and there are still unbearable days. It's doesnt necessarily get easier, we just learn to accept what we can not change. I wish you blessings, and peace. Much love and hugs carla

I went to the cemetary today. it makes losing my husband so real, he passed in july. that seems to be the only time I cry. I want to cry for him, I miss him every day

I know what you mean and I am sorry that you are feeling this way. I lost my husband almost 2 years ago and it doesn't get easier. People will tell you that it does but it does not. The pain will always be there and there are times when it is overwhelming and like you can't make it. I also have questions and issues with why. I hate when people tell me that God has a plan and it is the way that it should be. Some of the horrible things people say. I am here if you need to talk or just someone to listen.

To reflect upon this post and your other post with the poem. It's hard to let go when you feel so weak. You will get used to these grief bursts and recover from them more quickly in time. The other part that requires a lot of effort is to build yourself up to adapt to this new life, knowing that you have yourself to rely on, and a belief you can steer yourself towards a new trajectory. You must painstakingly understand what you have control of and what you don't, and just take care of what you can and make the best out of it.

Hi Lielie, I know what you mean , probably cause I just said one of these things to myself today! In fact I wrote a few verses down about it- more like a journal.
Maybe I'll share it later. No time now. Ok maybe some now--I'm remembering...
"Everything I go to take care of,-
you're not at the end of it,
Or the beginning,
Or the middle."
Let's cry...
Hope you can cope more and more as the days proceed.
What is the future for us when everything feels so bleak? But Christ is my only hope.
Anita

Six months today for me. It was just the two of us, 28 years together, married 26 years. We had to move out of state away from everyone when he was ill, because we couldn't afford to stay in the area where I was born and raised, so I am really and truly alone. I have a couple of old friends in the area, but that's it. I don't work and I'm in my 50s, so it's a very solitary life. I miss him every minute of every day. I don't expect that it will ever change. I function...eat, sleep, run errands, read, watch TV, chat with my neighbors. That's about it. I honestly hope that I don't live to old age.

I lost my husband suddenly from a freak accident in June. It is very hard. I know I couldn't make it without God. I am angry at Him sometimes for taking my husband and I let Him know. I scream, cry, and shake my fists at Him sometimes. I tell Him that I don't want to go on without Mike! I even got my steering wheel sometimes when I am driving. God is still my strength. I still lean on Him. I crawl up into His lap many times and just cry. That is ok. He is there for me and you. I go to grief share and it does help me allot. I don't want to stay this way! I want my true joy back and that is what I tell God. I do miss Mike so much... And it doesn't seem fair but I can't change it. Mike is in heaven with Jesus and I am here left to finish the work that God has planned for me. I don't know if it will get any easier. I don't know how my life will be now that I am not a wife anymore but a widow. I don't know so many things but God knows everything so I have to just leave it to Him.

Thank you guys. 23 weeks today, but i feel ok, sitting in the sun, enjiying the birds, the new garden, the sun, the quiet. Missing robert every second, but breathing today, and i am thankful for this day. Hugs, blessings and strengt to all

As you know, it is a process that must be dealt with in stages. I lost my husband May 2013, alittle over 4 years ago. Slowly you'll accept this life without him as your new "normal". Make yourself a small pillow made out of his socks and his favorite shirt...sleep with it...put his cologne on it...whatever it takes. Find ways to find comfort...wear his flannel shirt, talk to his picture, tell him about your day. You'll find a new routine...saying good morning to his picture, Sounds like you are already on the way to your new "normal" - good job. Breathe thru the bad days and hold close to your heart the good ones. I truly am so very sorry for your loss.