Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Just over four months ago, I lost my husband in an accident. We had been together since we were barely 16, and after nearly 23 years together we were still madly in love.
I was there, when the accident occurred, and there was nothing I could do. He was just gone. I feel like I am never going to get through this. I barely sleep. I function at a minimal level. I have nobody in my life who understands this loss, and people do not know how to "handle" my grief so they basically avoid me.
He was my soulmate... and I cannot stand the thought of being here without him. We did everything together. Even after all of the years we had been together, we didn't have the separate lives that seem so common today. Even most of our friends and family all seem to have separate lives from their mates. That was not us. I guess I am just looking for a place where people might have some grasp of what I am dealing with.
I was there, when the accident occurred, and there was nothing I could do. He was just gone. I feel like I am never going to get through this. I barely sleep. I function at a minimal level. I have nobody in my life who understands this loss, and people do not know how to "handle" my grief so they basically avoid me.
He was my soulmate... and I cannot stand the thought of being here without him. We did everything together. Even after all of the years we had been together, we didn't have the separate lives that seem so common today. Even most of our friends and family all seem to have separate lives from their mates. That was not us. I guess I am just looking for a place where people might have some grasp of what I am dealing with.
You will find a lot of understanding and support with this group...everyone here understands what you are going through, because they are going through it too.
I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I understand your feelings of not knowing how you are to live without him. I lost my husband after nearly seventeen years together, sixteen married. I also did not have many friends outside of my relationship with him. I also totally get that it seems that no one else gets it; gets what this loss means to us and how it impacts us. "Our" friends also mostly avoid me. I think part of it is because my reality is not one they want to think about.
It has been almost two months for me. As everyone here will tell you, you have to survive one day at a time. Most days in this beginning are absolutely horrible. You have to decide that you can and will survive and exist one day, one hour at a time. You are not alone. There are many of us here who know what you are enduring. That doesn't necessarily make it easier, but knowing you are not the only one who is suffering and understands is a small comfort.
I am glad that you found us. You will receive much support and encouragement here. We are all on this very difficult journey together. I pray that you have new friends enter your life to help you on this hard road. Do not lose hope. As hard as this experience is, you will make it. In time, as much time as you need, you will have a new kind of life. A new "normal". It's absolutely not what we have chosen. But it will eventually be bearable. And I have to believe eventually be okay.
Come here and write as often as you need. My thoughts are with you and I care.
You have come to a good place for affirmation of your feelings and encouragement during this sad, sad time. My heart goes out to you.
We ware All, here for you,
Love.....Sandra
My deepest condolences and heartfelt sympathy for your traumatic loss. I'm so sorry that you had to witness his accident and not be able to help. This must be so hard for you. We all here have experienced the loss of our spouse, in differing ways. It hurts like hell for sure. There are no easy answers and no quick fixes to healing. Initially we have to simply take it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. Try not to think too far into the future . . keep it in the moment. With time, we slowly start to heal. We do survive this and we are stronger than we think. You will hear a lot about "taking care of yourself". True . . right now you must focus on your needs . . eating, hydrating, grief work . . reaching out to us here helps the healing process also. I wouldn't be where I am today with out this wonderful community of "family" to lean on. We are all here for each other and we welcome you with open arms around you. Hugs and prayers, Dayna
Wishing you some measure of comfort today.
Jen
I find the people here at DS to be very helpful and caring. They have the right words as they too have had their heartache. Keep listening. You will receive comfort. You're in my prayers. Dolores
Hugs.
I also used a journal to write my feelings, one on this site for input from others and a private pad for more personal feelings. Writing helped me work through things that thinking about upset me more.
The time for grieving varieties for each of us, but you will find easier days along the way. It's been almost 8 years for me and I have found I'm stronger than I thought. Wishing you well. Sharon
There are days when I DECIDE and realize that I'm ok and it's ok to smile, and others where I can barely hold my head up. I've been told by other widows, just be happy for the good days and give it another try the next day. I come to this site every day, many times a day, I have to. Do what works for you.
I want to reach out and give you a "live hug"....I am so sorry.....you have come to the right place for understanding and support....all of these individuals have shown me support but most of all...they give me hope that the intense pain will deminish over time and that they are here for me....we will all be here for you...
Take care....
Patricia
Hugs to you!
Jennifer