You are still at a very acute stage of your bereavement, and hopefully with time and efforts you condition will improve.

Are you having a strong support system, I mean your family, friends, church or social group? It is important that you have people whom you can talk about your thoughts and feelings not keeping it all inside.
Sleep is very important, just insomnia along can deplete you from critical hormonal balance. Take something to get some rest, ideally natural things. or something like Melatonin.
Try not to get some fresh air, sun shine, it develops the " feel good" chemicals in your body.
Wish you to get better soon.
Warm hug.

I understand, I am at 5 months and just went to a family gathering where my mother in law wouldn't even speak to me. I miss my husband so much and am doing my best to move forward and her actions just set me back. I simply don't have the energy to deal with her. I want to say to hell with her.

I like to be around people during the day I am a very social person and I seek companionship. But as the day ends I like to go back to my cave and hide. I don't know why that is. Social during the day, anti social at night. what does that mean.

I still have problems getting out of bed sometimes. I have ten alarms set on my phone that practically force me to wake up.

5 months here too. Yes, I am very depressed. And have no one to talk to. I mowed the lawn today, cleaned house, took my bath, did hair and makeup. I tried to find someone to go to eat with... no one...my daughter said, they were taking out her father-in-law as he didn't want to eat alone, they take him out every week for the last 2 1/2 years since his wife died. They haven't once asked me. I asked them, and got no.....

So, I keep reliving his funeral, where she called me and asked how I was getting myself to funeral, as there wasn't room in their van for me, the 3 of them were going. Then had to catch a ride to the cemetery, then had to catch a ride home. My granddaughters boyfriend caught me as I was getting in my car, and took me there. So, I didn't have to drive myself. Then my kids didn't come around for a month, my grandson came from Ms to spend the week with me.

What is their problem? They would never have treated their dad like that. nor did they treat their in-laws like that.

Anyway I am depressed, and having myself a Pity Party, all alone, anyone here can join me.

I do have a great support sustem, friends and family. Just hate being a downer and none of my friends have been in our shoes.

I think I'm having a bad time because Robys birthday is next weekend and one of his daughters is coming to visit. Plus I have to go out of town for work.

I do have a history of insomnia so all this doesnt help.

Tomorrow will be better, because I got to talk it out.

Thanks

I will join your pity party. You are so strong, going through all this alone with all the stress your family puts on you. You deserve a break.
I count my blessings. One of my friends is joining me on my trip out of town so I dont have to stay alone. I will be in the city where Roby got his cancer treatment and staying at the same hotel we always used during his treatments and hospital stays.

dl... thank you. It will be hard, our anniversary was 3rd and his birthday a week before that. If you have someone with you, it will be easier. I had to go it alone.

I guess I was wrong on putting my life on hold, to raise my kids. As he wasn't ever around. I felt like a single parent. So, I worked and bought them their 1st cars. Worked for their Christmas every year, and whatever they needed. When they finally graduated, and got married, I finally went to college, and started trying to find my life. Then with him so sick, tried to do it all, so they could spend time with their families. So, I took all the burdens on myself.

And now I am too old to start a new life. I have to make the best of what I have left, alone.

Well not that far but I have been rather sad today. I try and sit and relax by watching funny tv shows or funny movies they don't make me happy but I sit and watch them. All I can say is it is part of grieving and to stay strong.

Five months for me was absolute devastated, I stayed in my p.j.'s most days. I am just now at 9 months, and my grief can be overwhelming with just the simplest of things, something I see, song, word. It is still very hard. We all deserve big Kudos just for getting on DS and trying to talk to each other. Hope your tomorrow is better. Vicki

I just want to get a dump truck, empty everything in my house into it, and just start all over again. His room is still set up. as his room. He had input in everything here. and his taste wasn't great. Is this weird thinking?

I know just how you feel. I got a dog soon after my husband passed and he was the only thing I got up for or I would stay in bed all day too.
It will get easier as time goes by but even at almost 2 yrs it's still a fight for me.
I went through the can't sleep phase too. I wish I was at the can't eat!

I too went deeper in depression at 5 months, I am so sorry that this seems to go in waves. I think I heard that that 5 month mark is a point when it's now beyond obvious we have lost our mate. No more illusions or numbness left to protect us anymore. Keep posting, we are here. My heart to you today.

Greiving is depressing and causes great sadness. That is normal. Dealing with it is definately individual. For me, I retired from my enployment to care for my husband after a leave-of-absence, because being busy I knew would only complicate my emotions. I spent every morning with a spiral notepad writing my feelings and thoughts. I wrote questions and wrote possible answers as I progressed. I shared my pain on DS board and cried I want him back repeatedly. It helped me get those feelings out and examine them.

After three years I was invited to lunch with a friends brother and began a new set of emotions not dealt with before. I felt I was drowning and set up an appt. with my doctor. Began counseling and started building a life as a single woman. The time frame is immaterial. This was after Hospice group activity in their group setting where I felt I had accomplished much.

Others find working, volunteering, and social or keeping busy is the way for them. Do what you feel you need, but if you need help, seek it out. Five months is still an acute time for many, so even some OTC sleep tablets (benadryl) could take the edge off. Sharon

my widow sister of 2 years just called me, she is having a hard day too. She says she misses her husband more everyday. We are 700 miles apart, and she is 67. I can't afford to live there, she can't afford to quit her job there. and move here. Wish we were closer together. We actually need each other. She has always been my best friend as well as my sister. We have always been close.

[[[HUGS EVERYONE]]]

You might want to try wrapping your arms around yourself gently rock your body as you say or sing kind loving words only for you ~
I know it's not easy but try to learn to soothe & love yourself the best you can ~
None of you caused this grief to happen; we're hardwired w/it ~

Whiney &/or half ass attempts are okay in the beginning just promise yourself you'll get better at it ~
Eating brownies is also okay ... max limit of 4 ... they cannot be 4 pieces the size of the entire pan - no cheating ~ *wink*

I'm praying for all of you ~
Sending positive energy of hope ~
Try to smile or laugh at least once per day (flipping the bird is also okay); it's all good medicine ~
Take care & take it easy (whenever possible)