Limbo is a good(?) term. This is a good forum for people with our situation. Frances and I were together 11 years and it seems like it was just the blink of an eye. I wish you all the best! Many have said not to make any major decisions for a while, but sometimes you have to. I take a moment at a time and don't expect too much change to happen right away.

Hi Vinlin,
I am sorry for your loss. ((HUGS))
I am in Florida too, east coast.
I can relate to how your feeling.
Loneliness is so hard to deal with now, I lost my husband just over 3 months ago.
In my life, 56 years, I have been alone for years at a stretch, but, somehow, I never felt lonely. I always had something to do, or/and enjoyed my solitude time.

But since, he is gone, it has all changed. I am lonely all the time, even if there is someone around. I miss him so much. I thought that I was getting stronger, but, seem to have gone back to the raw pain this weekend.
I will be moving in a few months,just 8 miles away, and will be job hunting too.
No one can tell you when you will be ready to make big decisions, but, most people say to wait at least a year. Sometimes, those big decisions can't wait that long.

I try to get out every day, just to be around people. Even, if I just go to the market, or library.

Except this weekend, our anniversary. I have chosen to be alone.

Some days are worse than others, and the tears don't stop flowing. Your right, it is one day at a time, sometimes just minute by minute. .
I think that I get by because of all the memories. I hold them close to my heart.
Debi

Hi 2 souls-When I feel lonely I clean something, cut the grass and I always feel as one with Jim then with his hat on my head and driving his tractor that he hardly got to use before he died. I also pick up the phone and call somebody. Now of course, not all of this works all of the time but for me if I keep busy and that includes work it helps. I do have to say I miss him something fierce this 4th of July weekend. I will drive the 50 miles to the cemetery tomorrow to put some red, white and blue flowers on his grave. Even though it's two years and 3 months since he died it seems like yesterday he was here and healthy.

Vinlin, I am so sorry for your loss. We were married 31 yrs. and I also had never lived alone. My husband passed away 3 yrs. ago. I am fortunate to have my son and his family here often and I keep the grandchildren a lot. I also have my 2 cats who are my constant companions. I take short trips with friends and the change of scenery and adult conversation helps. I started trying to accomplish something each day, no matter how small or big, just to feel good about something again. ...but still the loneliness is always there because I am lonely for him. I still have those days or moments but with "time" the excruciating pain has eased and sadness remains. Over time, I have begun to enjoy some time alone. We just have to take it one day at a time. Because I have always been a terrible worrier, I had to learn to try not to worry about the future unless I had too. Please know there are many of us have been where you are and understand. We are here for you. Be kind to yourself. Take care, Sandra

hi Vinlin-

I'm so sorry for your loss. there are no right words to say, because we all know that the hurt runs so deep. you have found a very good place to be, and for that I'm happy you found us here.

It is true that they say to wait before you make any big decisions, but sometimes, when circumstances are not what is supposed to be, decisions have to be made for your own survival.

I have always been pretty independant all my life, and when I lost G.,I have never felt so fearful of things, and so alone, so I know where you are coming from. Even though I know in my head what to do, the focus is gone many times for me. It does slowly come back though with time.

Take the time to really try to think things through. what will really help YOU at this point in time. If it is a move and it will help emotionally, and financially, then do it, and don't worry about the rule. I know some people that had to move quickly for financial reasons, and if they hadn't they'd really be hurting now. I also know people who will never have to even think of that decision.

Whatever you do or don't do, try to remember to be good to yourself. You will be going through so much emotionally, and it really depletes you. At first, you think you have the strength of ten men, and then you come crashing down when that adrenaline stops. so try to rest as much as possible. I didn't and had a hec of a time a few months after when it happened to me.

Many hugs to you, and hopes for each day getting just a little bit better.

Diane

Vinlin,
I too am sorry for your loss and glad you found your way to this site. Like those who have already responded, I understand the shock of suddenly being without your constant companion and the one person you could always count on. I know it's hard to make major decisions right now. It's impossible to put emotions aside while you ask yourself some tough questions. You have to consider your financial circumstances and whether you live in Florida because you love it there or because of your work or your husband's. If you have to find work as soon as possible, are there better opportunities for you near where your siblings live? Do you have friends you're close to in Florida? Can you get to NY for a visit so you can talk things over with your family? You don't say just how long it has been since your husband passed, but it sounds like it was very recent. The sadness will be with you a long time, but some things will slowly start to come back into focus. I hope we can help in some small way.
-Jeff

I sold our house (we were losing it anyway) and moved into the old ranch bunkhouse where I grew up. I have meals with my cousin and his wife but have my own space. I lived alone for 3 years or so in my middle twenties and it seemed OK then, but I would have went crazy now.

Hi vinlin,
i feel lonely often also! Like you, I had never lived on my own...When Bob and i I married , I had been living home with my parents! Married 38 years... and now trying to figure out my life.... Just like you!!
Do you have any support of friends in FL? Would you prefer living up North? Lots of questions.... will they 'be there' for you? Or are they busy with their own lives?
i pray you will find the right place after thinking it through. It's a huge step!! I have decided not to make any major changes until I am positive it would be for the best!! so, I keep 2 homes and bounce around between CA and AZ.
Hang in there... Hugs, Linda

Loneliness is one of the worst things I think there is having to face in this journey.

While many may have lived alone at various times, as a couple we were set into going in a direction forever as a couple. The type of lonely due to no choice of our own is the tough kind of lonely. We are having to learn to be someone different - yet still be ourselves. And make sure our memories of our loved ones are not lost. For me at first I was afraid of that, as time has gone on, I realize the good memories are really there to stay.

Taking the steps to find ourselves appears to be a slow stepping process - and when its time it seems you know what you have to do about staying or moving etc.

Hugs I know the crying has to come and go, so take care.

I also left home with parents to married life with my husband. We were married short of 31 years when I lost him. He has been gone two years now. I do well living alone. Didn't think I could do it in the beginning, but I would not give my house up for anything. It doesn't matter where you are, or what you do, or where you live, there is always going to be a degree of loneliness because your partner is missing. Even if you got a new partner, the feeling will still be there. You can't fill the hole with anything, like you can't fill the hole when losing a parent.

I can say that getting a pet helps. Making friends and involving yourself in anything - crafts, church functions, etc. gives you a sense of purpose. I started running one-day bus trips and have made a host of new friends, all ladies living on their own who want to travel and often can't find someone to go with.

One thing to remember - you are not truly alone. You have God, you have your husband in spirit, you have family and you have friends. Don't you believe for one minute the impact that would be created if you were gone too? I think of that. It doesn't make the sadness nor pain any better, but it makes me feel wanted.

Thank you to all who wrote to me. I know I'm not alone in this. There are many out there like me. Had a rough night last night. I hear things and think it's someone trying to get in. I live in a 55 over trailer park. It's very quiet here this time of the year since most people have gone back north. I have one neighbor across the street. I think that is what makes it so spooky. Here I am 54 yrs old and afraid of the dark. I do what a lot of you suggest. I just feel I go one step ahead, then 2 back. I'm ok money wise for the moment. Of course that won't last forever. (I did get food stamps) I have times when I panic over it all. Crazy, huh? One day at a time.....

Vinlin first off sorry for your lose...I have never been alone even when I went through the big D with my first wife I was never alone. But I can say now that I am alone. Seem like everyone in the family is getting back to there normal pace but me. So here I am 1 step at a time.

That's all we can do, one step at a time. I know it's a strange feeling. Life goes on but not in my little world. Seems it has stopped at the moment. Do you have any pets? They do help. Was talking to a lady at the grocery store this am. Her husband died 9 yrs ago. She said don't hold anything in, cry when you need to. Boy, do I do that! Everyone is different and does it their own way. It's how we cope I guess.

I was married for 33 years and never been by myself either. My husband left for work and 5 minutes later was gone. All you can do is take it one day at a time. I still cry ..not as long or hard as the first year. At the end of this month it will be 2 years....seems like only months. I am staying in our home...I think its good advice to not make any major decisons of moving if you dont have to in the first year. I lived most of the first year in a fog and numb...for the most part the fog has lifted over the last few months...but the numbest comes and goes ...I see it now as a Godsent to deal with the pain. Hang in there...Debbie:)

Vinlin, so sorry for your loss. Glad you found DS though. There are a lot of wonderful people here who will help you as much as possible. Yes, one minute at a time, on to 30 min. to an hour. It does eventually get better. The first year is very painful. Cry as much as you need to, and don't worry about that. Drink plenty of water and take vitamins too.
The loneliness is one of the harder things that we have to deal with on this journey. Sometimes, even when with a lot of people around, we still feel lonely. W/O our spouse/partner that is a great part of our grief.
We were married 38 1/2 yrs., so, I understand what you are saying. I left my parents home when we married. Our children are grown and have their own lives and homes. So, it's just me and my little Pug. Joe bought her for my Christmas present ~~ the year he died. He has been gone 3 1/2 yrs. and she is 3 yrs and almost 7 months old. At least when I talk ~~ she is here to listen.
Hugs, Joely