I like many of you, was married for a long time - 39 years, and only was ''alone'' in college. After two plus years, I now realize that often the ''alone'' feeling is from the hole in our heart for our spouse. In my case, the hole will always remain - it's a proud scar I carry that isn't healed completely, but a scar nonetheless. Someone said - even when you are in a crowd, you feel alone. Jerry was such a large part of my life - we grew up together into adulthood. I recognize this now, and have stopped running to find a ''solution''. It's reality, and I make the best of it. I delight in finding the strength of others now, loving others in a new way, enjoying events and places, and reaching out to help others. It took me a long time to realize that I am lucky, and I have the opportunity to forge a new life - I see that as an opportunity now - not a frantic running towards a solution - it took a long time though. Jerry will always be my touchstone to the reality that love is possible, and I had it. I feel lucky, and it brings comfort. I'm in Fl too - away from ''family'', but you can also be lonely in a big crowd. The one step ahead, two steps back will continue for a long time. Peace to you - just talk it out - that helps - especially on DS. Regards, Vicki

Vinlin, Loneliness has become my best friend. It is always withme. We were married for 38 years and this is the first time I've ever been alone in my life. I'm attending my third grief share group, joined Meetup to do hikes, etc with other "single" people. It helps to keep going places so that you have some new memories and new experiences to think about. Visiting NY would be better than moving there with all that snow, gloomy skies in the winter. Sunny FL and nice weather helps with depression. You need to find new friends in your life and new things to do. I visited my family in NJ for two weeks and they just want me to get over it and not talk about my loss or feelings. No support there at all. Try visiting the family in NY first before even considering moving.

.........I missed having someone who loved me..............and someone to love...............to share secrets with ...and laugh ...........and finish each other's sentences.........................kept myself busy going through files and all the things Norm had saved..he was a saver.............put the house up for sale a few months later..........but God, in His,timing knew best..............and now, a year later, I see that I was not ready to let go at that point....................now, I am in another state , near my son and his family..................know it was a good move.................but will still be dealing with the same issues..........making a life without my love...............be patient with yourself.....................it is a roller coaster ride...
L

I am so sorry for your loss. My husband passed away in November after being together since I was 15 years old. I am now 57. I never spent a night alone until the day he died, coming from a large family and marrying right after I graduated from nursing school. Even at school I lived in a residence. The loneliness is definately the worst part. I still struggle with it every day. I always have the radio or TV on because I can`t stand the silence. Getting out walking with my dog helps but still hard since this is something we always did together. If you have no friends or connections there, you may want to consider moving. I don`t know what I would have done without my family. Friends are wonderful but all of my friends are married and are busy with their own lives and families. Sending you my prayers, Lu Ann

When I get overwhelmed, I pick up the phone and call someone that I know will take the time and listen. Family member, friend, it doesn't matter. Everyone on this earth needs someone, if it is only for 5 minutes. I let my friends and family know that I care.

Hi Vinlin, I'm so sorry for your loss. I too, went from my parent's house to my husband's. We were married for 38 years. If you feel safe in your home, I would stay there for now. If there is a grief class you could take, either from the hospital or a church, it might help. Finding a job, will help with the loneliness in the daytime, but the nights are what are the hardest. I was think long and hard about moving up North. The winters last year were terrible, and you might still be in the same situation, being lonely. Just getting out to the mall, the grocery, anywhere people are, and maybe making new friends, would help. You are in my prayers,
Paula

I had to give up my home when my husband passed and it was like losing him all over again. It is my advice to hang onto the place where your love lived as moving can seem even more lonely. So sorry for your loss:(

Dear Lonely,
I have 5 grandchildren here with me for a few weeks and I still feel lonely at times.I write a list everyday of things to get done just to try to stay busy.It helps but only temporarily.My husband and I were together always,shared the same interests,were best friends,everything.I'm terrified of life without him but am desperately trying to go on.Everything is so uncertain,finances,keeping my home,stay here or move closer to my children. I keep telling myself take it one day at a time but you are right there are decisions to be made but if they can wait I let them ride.

Thank you everyone for writing. I do go to a grief support meeting every Tuesday. It helps some. My husband and I have only lived here for 5 yrs. We lived in the country for 25 yrs. Sold that to buy this cause we couldn't keep up to the place any more. I didn't want to leave the country and never cared for this trailer park. But it is cheaper living. We own the land so there is no lot rent just a yearly maintance fee and of course taxes. I'm looking for a job since I have no money coming in. But yet I don't feel ready for it. So I don't know what to do. Anyway thank you everyone!

I am so sorry for your loss, and I lost my husband suddenly also. It leaves you spinning. It is not an easy road. Do you have any pets? It is a start. I love my pets and they keep me busy. But I do have needs and I just turn it over to God. He is in charge and I hope that you can read some books and come to understand some of the grieving steps. It helps a lot. I am trying to come to terms with my husband's death. It has been 17 months. I just take one step at a time. Hope this helps. Hugs~Shelley