I think this is interesting as well. I know you are quite young and people do date and remarry, as far as a time frame, I most certainly am interested in hearing what others have to say, but I am sure its when you have found yourself again. Good luck with whatever you decide to do

Check out "HOPEFUL HEARTS..." board here at DS. I've left a few posts there, it will give you some ideas.

Here is the link to it
http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/hopeful-hearts-love-after-loss

Thank you for the link to the hopeful group.

How would you ever know until you do date? Go for an evening of good company - without any expectations. Do not try to control an outcome. Just enjoy a moment

You might also find this discussion thread helpful. I wrote it after Mark and I got engaged and we had gone through many of the questions and issues that come up when you are contemplating another relationship after being widowed/widowered. I have been told by a number of people that it helped them sort things out in their own minds. Anyway, here it is:

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Widows_Widowers/forum/9040500-great-debate-and-two

Hope it helps...

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I am also active on Hopeful hearts that nowjustme shared the link to. I also feel that we are open to discuss it here if asked. I am in a relationship with a man now for two years and we moved in together a year ago. It is good for us, but I feel that there was work we each had to do before being ready to start seeing each other..
That is acheiving peace in the fact we are totally complete as an individual.

Being with a new person does NOT cure grief. You will never stop missing the loss of your loveone.

Being with someone is NOT replacing your love one. He or she is not your lost person. They are themself and you can NOT expect the same relationship. This is a new relationship with new people. Yes, you are a new person after experiencing this loss too.

I had a friend, platonic, as my first dating experience who helped me greatly. His wife had died two days after my husband and we meet after being widowed almost three years. We grieved together, talked and shared our feelings and learned we did deserve
happiness. We shared feelings of guilt and put them to rest. There was a great friendship but no romantic feelings other than mutual respect and caring.

Shortly after, I met Artie. I was immediately attracted to him and that attraction became love. We are both retired from our profession so we were comfortable moving slowly. That is our generation and how it was "back in our day." LOL

We are comfortable with the knowledge we had a loving past with someone else and children too. That is essential for me. I am free to talk about my life with my husband and respect his life with his wife. I feel very blessed to have two very different men in my life, both of whom made/makes me very happy. Feel free to message me if you have any questions. Sharon

I guess it is like anything else (marriage, retirement, etc.). You just know. Not an easy subject to explain.

I am in the over 50 group. Dating was different then. If the guy was serious, he had your best interest at heart. Marriage was more sacred then. Now it's just a piece of paper. The "Oh well. If it doesn't work, I'll just get a divorce."

And, when it came to intimacy, we only worried about pregnancy, gonnorhea, Hepatitis C, and siphilis. Now we are faced with so many STD's it could make your head spin. We never heard about AIDS, even though I'm sure there were victims of it.

If you want to educate yourself, just go to the CDC site. It is an eye opener.

The only advice I can give you is to follow your instincts, be careful, and take your time getting to know the person and his family. I've read too many stories about being taken for money, used for sex, or wanting to be the only one (sans the kids)

Good luck - I wish you happiness.

I think the real key is whether you compare every new person to your lost spouse, that is, as opposed to appreciating them for themselves. If every one gets compared to your lost husband, then you are looking for a replacement for him, which won't happen. That can be pretty damaging for both parties.

If, however, you can appreciate a new person for their own special qualities, then I think you are ready. I believe it has been a couple of years for you, so I don't think you are rushing into anything, and I don't get the impression that you would do anything foolish.

Falling in love again after loss is like having two hearts - which is the subject of that thread I gave you the link to. A part of you is still in love and will remain in love with your late husband. But it is entirely possible to love another person, just as it is possible to love more than one child. You will continue to miss your late husband, but you still have a life here and are entitled to love and be loved while you are here.

Some of us understand that, and others here will never understand that. There is no right or wrong for it across the board - just what is right or wrong for you. The sense I get is that it is right for you, you are prepared for it, and you are a lot more clear-headed than most and won't do anything stupid to put either yourself or your kids at risk.

Life is meant to be lived, not endured. And one very important lesson I learned falling in love again is that not all of life's surprises are bad surprises. Cliff's sudden death had made me forget that. It is easy to see everything through the filter of grief, and think that nothing good will ever happen again. But that simply isn't true.

I wish you all the best...

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I haven't been on here in a long time. Its been a year now and decided to come back and get the support that I need. I got a lot of support when trying to conceive on here. I need to feel like I'm not alone. Young, two very young children, fighting breast cancer, and widowed. a lot to handle on my own. I too wonder about dating. I have been going out from time to time with someone I went to high school with. He knows my whole story so that is comforting but at times I'm just not sure. Its really a tough place to be. I'm just letting it be what it will be and not rushing or trying to compare (which is hard to do). Nice to see you are still here. we have a lot in common. would love to chat sometime. do you have fb? I'm always on there. glad to see you and your babies are doing well. xoxo

Thank you all for the heartfelt comments. I really appreciate it. It helps to calm my nerves when I start to panic about letting someone else in to my little world.

I don't plan to be ready. I'm 56 and really don't want to deal with looking for a man or having them look for me. It's lots of work getting to know someone and my standards are way to high for an ordinary mortal to possibly fulfill. If I were maybe 10 years younger, I'm sure I would feel differently and would have started dating by now.

As to knowing when you're ready, just go out. Have fun. Don't cut yourself off from friends and fun. Then when that special someone shows up you will know.

I have just started seeing someone and it has only been a year since my Lee passed. Am I being judged as acting too soon? You bet. But surprisingly, in our blended family, it is my Lee's sons who are the most supportive. By accident I met a man that was brought over by other mutual friends just as someone to BE a new friend. Little did I know, my step-son had known him since '07 and always called him Uncle Jim. He is thrilled for me. The one most judgmental is my own daughter. She feels that I am dishonoring my Lee by seeing someone so soon. This is the first person that 1. Saved me from a bad situation the day we met. 2. Is not threatened by my feelings of grief for Lee because he puts himself in my shoes. 3. I don't compare him to Lee or the relationship we had (mostly). 4. The feelings I have for him are more pro than con. I am receiving support in my grief, acceptance of me for myself, affection and relief from my crushing loneliness. I spoke to a wonderful friend today about whether I was making a mistake to be seeing him and through a series of questions, she helped me to see that I answered my own questions about it. Will I remarry again? We are both committed to remaining single but together. Yes, I went through the guilt that comes with finding someone new but have been helped to realize that it serves no purpose. I guess long story short, I feel I am ready. I hope you will be able to ask these questions of yourself and find your own answers to whether or not you are ready.