Hi Debbie...I too was married for 31 years...with my hubby for 35 years...I am 53, with a twin sister who is married as long as I was and who only lives a stone's throw away from me....so I spend alot of time with her (which both of our husband's were used to )...I have been widowed 11 months (one year on Dec 3)
I also find living alone peaceful- Mike had a life insurance policy, so I was able to pay off the house and put most of it away in an annuity for retirement...so I don't have that extra stress of wondering where I'm going to go...I'm staying put.
Yes, overwhelming at times...still the occasional crying jag...but I'm so busy at work and church that my melancholy moments are not as often. But i still have them...
i ask God for peace and strength daily...and He has provided that for me. And i have no qualms about "what's going to happen to me"...I know God will always wach over me.
Peace to you as we continue this strange new adventure...Jill

I'm with you as far as living "on my own" for the first time ever. Only 3 months as a widow, so I do hope that it becomes easier with time. If I did not have my cat-companion, life would be very empty. Since you are widowed over 2 years, please tell me it really does get better? (You can even tell a fib, just to encourage me !?) By staying in touch every day with family, friends and neighbors, somehow life goes on, But the daily responsibilities of living alone can be overwhelming, I know. Do you have a pet? Another lovely DS member, Anne, said her life as a widow was helped by getting a dog/puppy...a great idea. Wishing you well.......
Nancy

Hi Debbie:

I was married twice. First time I was 19 straight from mom and dads house and was married for 8 years and had two kids. I was divorced, had a roommate and two kids living with me, so I never lived totally alone. I was married the second time for 28 years. I don't mind living in the house alone, it is the being alone I mind. I am trying to learn to embrace single life, not easy in some ways.

Hey Debbie - widowed 3 years, 3 months. I had my own apartment for 3 years by myself before meeting and marrying Joe. A few years into our marriage, he went on the road as an OTR driver - home every weekend, but sometimes not for 2 weeks or so. I guess we became independently dependent on each other. For the most part, I enjoy my alone/home time. A far cry from the first months when I dreaded even putting my key in the door. I knew I had to do this for myself to give myself a sanctuary - do you know what I mean? Of course there are times it's still hard, and yes, overwhelming - but that comes with life also, not just grief. Hugs, Marsha

As an only child I learned young the skills for being alone. Although I lived at home until I married at twenty. I was married for 35 1/2 years and we knew each other for 37. Yes it is hard but after 2 1/2 years of widowhood it is easier. I live in our home and am in the process of refinancing to stay here. I have made new friends including one who is also an only child and a widow. Life is not what I expected. I planned on being married longer but I sure have some great memories of a good man. I still talk to him and yes I cry once in a while. Oh I have two basset hounds who give me plenty of love. It does get better but you have to want it to. Hugs

Married for 31 1/2 years, divorced, then single for eight before meeting and marrying Jim. Twenty one months yesterday since Jim's death and I have become adjusted to living alone again. I still miss Jim and wish he was here but I wasn't unhappy being alone in the eight years before I met him and find....according to my kids.....I have reverted to my "old independent self".

I am widowed 14 months. I lived on my own through 4 years of college and one year after graduation. I am not really alone because I have children, but that is not the same as having another adult in the house. I have a long way to go in finding peace and quiet in my house.

Maggie

I met my sweet husband when I was 14--went straight from mom and dad's house to married life at 18 and we were married right at 40 years--we would have celebrated our 40th anniversary this past June, he passed on New Year's Day of this year so I'm right at 10 months. We had four children who are all grown now and this is the first time in my life I've ever been really on my own. It was very overwhelming at first--I've never minded spending time alone, in fact at times it is rejuvenating---but suddenly finding myself having to come home to an empty house every day was gut wrenching because I didn't know what to do with myself or how to go on without him. My husband always said I was way too independent, determined to do things myself---but once he was gone I felt anything but independent. I never even realized how much I depended on him. He spoiled me rotten. I haven't had the worry of losing my home that some have had, he had enough life insurance to pay off all the bills including the boat, car, everything except the house, but we refinanced a few years back and I have a very reasonable house payment so it hasn't been a problem. I feel very fortunate. It took me a while but I adjusted to being alone somewhat---even enjoying some alone time again---but there are still times it screams at me and I fall apart. Just a few weeks ago my oldest son moved back in with me, he's divorced and single and wasn't particularly happy with his roommate---and he was spending too much time worrying about me being alone. He works nights so most nights I am alone and content and he's here during the day when I am gone. We have a few nights home together and it's been nice. He helps around the house, the yards and such and pays towards all the utilities and such so that's nice too, gives me a little extra to work with. I'm more financially secure than I would have guessed I would be if I had thought about him leaving me this soon, I have a good job and good benefits, so I feel fortunate, there are so many here who have lost their spouses and are struggling financially as well as emotionally--I know I have much to be thankful for but still don't understand why I had to lose him. I really feel like I am just now beginning to WANT to live again let alone figuring out how to do it. I've made up my mind to do my best to start living again. I have no desire for another relationship but I do have kids and grandkids and would like to make new friends, friends who understand what I am going through and don't just hope I won't talk about it. I just want to create some kind of normal again.
Thanks for posing these questions, I've really enjoyed reading everyone's story.

I have been widowed for 3 years 4 months. I too went from my parent's house to married life. We were married 1 month shy of 29 years but had been together for 37 years. I started dating him when I was 16 and married him at 24. I will be 57 next month. I do get lonely but I am set in my ways now and don't think I would want to remarry. I'm contented with my life as it is. Barbara

It's hard to believe that my MIke has been gone for almost two years. I"m 49 and we were married at 18 for 28 years. We knew each other 30+ years (grew up across the street from each other in our little town) I now live in the first house we ever bought together (after he retired from the military) It's my sanctuary from a fast-paced job and world. My pup and daughter in her 20's live with me, so I'm never alone for long. My 30 year old daughter and 4 year-old grandson (who just happens to be my heart) lives 20 minutes away, so I feel pretty lucky. My family is everything to me and I thank God for them everyday.

I started dating my husband when I was 16, him 20. I married at 18 and had our first child 4 months after we were married. (she was born early ---by 2 days). We were together for 32 1/2 years so I never was alone in my adult life. This is the first time I have ever been by myself.
I enjoy it at times because I can watch whatever tv program I want, Eat when and what I want and go and do what I want when it suits me. I just wish I had my husband by my side so I could tell him all I am doing.
Its hard at times to come home to an empty house but I am getting stronger as the days go by. It has been 8 months into my journey and still find it hard to realize that I am alone in this home. I get the peaceful but sometimes overwhelming.
Brenda

I started dating Joe when I was 17, married at 19, so, yep, moved out of my parent's home to live with my husband. We were married for 38 1/2 yrs. The last 26 yrs of his life he was an OTR truck driver, but, the last 23 yrs. he only had to make 2 trips per week, so was usually gone almost 2 nights, arrived home the 2nd night between 10:30 PM -- 2:00 am; home the rest of that night and the next, then gone another night and back home 3 nights. So, he was home 4 full nights a week.

At first, of course, we had the kids still at home, so I wasn't alone. Later, after they all moved out, I had to adjust to being alone at night for part of the week. Joe tried to make sure that everything was as safe as he could make it for me to be by myself. We had motion lights put on every corner of the house. (now some don't work anymore and I turn the others off), had security locks placed on all outside doors, windows replaced with a better lock, a light put on the unattached garage that stays on from dusk til dawn. I also own guns. ;-)

He told me he just wanted me to feel safe when he was OTR. It took a little time, but, I became accustomed to those nights.
After he died, I was very aware of the nights he was supposed to come home, and those he should be at home. Yes, it hurt!!

It has been 3 yrs. 10 months 7 days since he left this world. I do enjoy my alone time now. Becoming used to doing "my own thing" and not having anyone to be here and to compromise with, has made me even more independent than I have always been. Yep, have to say, I am rather independent and even more so now.

I do still love/miss Joe and always will. Since I can not have him back, I have adjusted. Yes, to those who are new to this journey, it really does get easier. You do have to work through your grief and give yourself the time you need to do this. We are all alike in many ways, but each of us is different in many ways and have to "work" through the grief in our own time. Getting "stuck" at some point happens occasionally, but,we learn to wade through those times to get to a better day.

Occasionally, the old grief wave will hit, as time moves on, but, it doesn't stay as long and the time between episodes becomes further apart. Adjustment, that is what happens ~~ over time. Peaceful, but, many times lonely. Keeping busy is the best medicine that I know. Time has passed much faster than I thought it would.

I also have my little Pug who keeps me company. She is the last Christmas present that Joe bought me. She will be 4 on Dec. 7, and he will be gone 4 yrs. Dec. 21st.

Hugs, Joely

I'm 54 and very overwhelmed. I hate having to do everythng. There's no one I can turn to for help. I'm doing it all. Funny thing is I've been independent most of my life. I thought it would be easy to transition back. But no. I'd spent the last 8 years knowing my husband had my back. Now I feel like I'm flying without a net. If I lose my job, there's no husband who'll say, 'we'll make it on one salary." It's a sobering thougth.

Since my husband passed, I've ended up in the ER twice. Both times by myself, although my step-daughter offered to come. I just didn't want her to have to drag the kids out in the middle of the night. If my husband had lived, he would be the one sitting next to me in the hospital. But then again, I doubt that I would have ended up in the hospital. Boy is my husband lucky that he got to go to Heaven first. Earth is a tough place to be.

I've never really lived alone, until I lost my husband. But I've always been independent with a survivor mentality (which used to make him crazy at times). I've never been needy, but thrived knowing that others needed me.
At 14 I was responsible for my new baby sister; at 17 mom moved out of state without me, so my older brother and I took care of each other: a single mom at 20, and met my husband at 23.
I still haven't gotten used to being alone, but most days I enjoy my alone time; I've been widowed for 2 years, 1 month. It's the lonely time that really gets to me. For the first time in life, at 50 years old, I am not responsible for anyone...and that's probably a good thing since I don't really have a schedule and I have horrible eating and sleeping habits. My house is VERY quiet, seldom do I even turn the TV on.
It's just me and the dog, who became very overly protective of me. I love it that she still needs me. Amazingly, I'm not afraid to be alone, but then again, I am well armed.
I love him and miss him terribly and would gladly trade it all back in.
Cathy

My husband and I were together 31yrs. , since we were teenagers, rarely spent a night apart. I was very independant and busy in the last few years before Les died. So hard to come home to an empty house, and a cold bed. It has been 21/2 years for me also, but my progress has been(?) G-