I lived alone for 5 years before I got married. When I was 20 years old I would have rather been in prison than be married. The thought didn't appeal to me until I was about 25. It took me 5 years to find the mother of my children. I am now kind of addicted to having some kind of action at my home. I live with my son and DIL , and grandchild. I really like coming home to whatever they are doing. Drawing a picture, playing with a puppy, cooking something, doing yard work, or whatever. I love it.

My first marriage was out of my parents home, and into marriage. It was a bad mistake, and there really wasn't alot of happy times, but it brought me three beautiful children, and I wouldnt trade a day for them!!!!! My first husband got up and left one day, when my kids were teens, and the youngest just starting into teens. I found that I could make it on my own, raise my kids, and was proud of that!

Then I met G and I knew what a REAL marriage was like! I can do the alone time. I can deal with the things that need dealing with, and I can be there for my kids, stepkids, and grand kids! They are the most important people in my life. My two youngest still live here with me, but are gone alot, so I have the house to myself more than not.

I fill my weekends with things to do, places to go, people to see. I visit my MIL regularly, and it gives us both something to smile about! I love going to see her, and I know she looks forward to it too! Keeps me busy and not thinking of all thats lost. But what I still have!

What is hard to handle is that lonely feeling, when I want to share the day, have a glass of wine, make dinner, watch a program with him, and just know he's there. Getting much better with that now, and defininitely a work in progress!

Diane

sorry Debbie, I've been widowed for nine months as of the 3rd.

HUGS Diane

Debbie,

Our 42nd anniversary occurred on the night I stood before the casket bearing the body of my husband. It wasn't the way I imagined we would spend our 42nd anniversary. I met my husband at 14 and married immediately following my graduation; I was 17 and he was 20. I never experienced living on my own until his death.

It took me a while but I was eventually able to set a goal for a hopeful future and reached for it, discovering that it was incredibly more difficult than I could have imagined. I have been widowed for 6 years, 3 months.

Being an independent person was not new to me as I've always been my "own person," but I quickly discovered that there are different types of independence. After my husband's death, I entered another level of independence that totally blind-sided me; however, I soon found my footing and was able to start that journey into a new future.

For those who are beginning this journey, I echo what Joely said in her responsethat adjustments are made and become part of our everyday routine. Moving forward becomes a lifetime of adjustments and concessions. My faith has played a huge role in the peace that I experience, and I try to focus on gratefulness for what I had rather than being bitter for what I have lost. Blessings to you, Debbie. TJ

Oh, Debbie, I forgot to add that I live on a farm and run and maintain a maple syrup "sugar bush." Being overwhelmed almost shattered any thread of confidence I formerly possessed before my husband's death. For a while, I was a wreck trying to figure out how to do everything without him. All the loose ends finally came together, and life took on a semblance of order. Thankfully, it does happen given enough time and determination. TJ

I find my situation is a lot like Brenda's (and some others here). Just 38 days into my solitary journey, I sometimes feel a little guilty when I check into a tv program I've wanted to watch before, or not fix dinner if I didn't feel like it, etc. When he worked (before retirement), I savored my times alone at home and got a lot done. When he was home, though, all I wanted was to be with him. He was my whole life...literally...and he spoiled me terribly.

I love our home. It's been paid for for nearly 30 years now (along with everything else, so I don't have that worry...just upkeep), and it is my sanctuary from the world outside. But I never knew a house could be so empty when half of me has been torn away. I never was a 'goer' except when we went together, and that hasn't changed. Still, after being married for 48 years (he passed on Sept. 22 and we had just had our aniversary on Sept. 14), I do find that he is so much with me. We finished each others sentences, knew what the other was thinking most of the time, and that hasn't changed. When I have a problem or question in my mind, this still, small voice from inside tells me what I need to know...and I know it's him.

Sorry this is so long. I have been rightly accused of being too 'wordy' at times (plus I love to type..lol). Change is often hard and long, but I have to believe that there's a reason. There must be something I have yet to do in my life...or a lot more to learn. I was blessed beyond all my dreams and am always thankful for the time we had together...that will never change.

I have to say this is a great thread. We get to tell our story and learn everyone else's. I was pretty much on my own since 11, that is a whole other thread so I won't to into details. I was married once before at 23, it was a complete disaster and I don't even consider it to be a marriage. By the time I was in my 30's, I was pathologically independent and was not interested in any relationship.

Then came Bob and he was so persistent. I wouldn't even give him the time of day for over four months. But I had to call him to get my ham radio license. That one phone call lasted 3 hours and the rest is history. He did not make me dependent on him but he made me content for the first time and now I just feel like I am wandering the earth seeking that contentment that I know I will never find. We were together as a couple for 9.5 years and married for almost 5 of those. He died on NYE so I am just at the 10th month anniversary.

I am lucky in the sense that I have a "career" and I make good money. I have some left over $ problems related to his T19 qualification but I am remedying those. Our house was my house first and he didn't work due to illness for a long time so $ is not really a problem.

Always being a loner, I don't mind being alone. But I miss my best friend. I miss laughing. I miss knowing that no matter how sick he was, he always had my back, would tell me the cold hard truth and was my biggest fan. On the other hand, I don't miss the "consulting" on every little thing. Although he did give awfully good advice and when he pushed an issued (I hate to admit it) he was ALWAYS right. He would say the craziest things and I would think he was full of BS, but it would ALWAYS turn out he was right. Infuriating as this was at first, I now miss having his patience and wisdom to rely on.

My nephew who moved in to help take care of Bob is still here, thank goodness. Mechanically I am a disaster. He does all the things that Bob used to do. He works nights so we come and go as we please. He is great with our animals. I tell him all the time that he is the one bright spot in a very dark universe.

I have Bob's dog and my three new kitties. They give me all the love and comfort I could ever want but they aren't Bob. I think I am still mad at Bob for leaving me here, even though I knew he just couldn't take it any more. I have had some "contact" from him, some of it pretty amazing. But it is never enough, always leaves me wanting more and sometimes make me think I am going crazy.

My other solace has come from this group.

I am getting back to my independent self but my "confidence" has been shaken, I cry a lot and sometimes just wish I was dead.

I wish everyone well and hope it gets better for all of us. Hearing from those who say they have been able to move past the awful times is an inspiration.

Grace

***I'm coming to love all you sweet souls. I find a bit of my story in each post I read and it comforts me to know that you are out there, weeping alone at times, carrying on alone nicely at times, missing that presence and at the same time knowing that there is something more to be done here on earth. You bring tears to my eyes, but I've learned to let them flow freely...the tears are here to wash away a little more of the pain. Thank you again just for being here...you are all amazing!!!***

I have not been receiving email notifications that you all have responded and just had the chance to read the posts now. Thank you all.

I met my husband at age 14, and that was it. I married at age 21. We were married short of 31 years when he passed.

I adopted a cat two years ago and she has been a godsend. Lately I have been feeling that I am not wanted, nor needed, as I also get more joy out of taking care of someone else than myself. I intend to talk to my counselor today about this because I don't like feeling this way.

As for my eating habits. They are poor. As much as I love to cook and bake, I just have not had the interest nor the energy to do so. And that is just not me. So, survival on frozen dinners, soups, etc. And ice cream.

At 2-1/2 years it has gotten better but I know in my heart that I am still Richard's wife and always willl be.

I have been widowed since 8/6/11, so almost three months now. I don't think I have had time to adjust at all yet, but I appreciated this post and reading all the replies. I married my husband at the age of 18 (he was 29) just after high school. Everyone thought I was pregnant and that the marriage would not last. They were wrong on both counts. We had some rough times, but it truly got better and better over the years and he was my very best friend and beloved partner in life. Anyway, I did go from my parent's home to ours and due to his work (self-employed) he really was never gone so I am not used to being alone. I do have one adult son still at home and I have asked that he consider staying at least through this first winter. He is 23 and is often gone on weekends so I do have some time alone but am still grateful he is living with me. I am very seriously considering moving into a new one level townhome that I think will be a better suit for me.

I was fortunate to use our life insurance to pay off the mortgage and my taxes are reasonable, moreso than any other area in the county. It is really an adjustment and one we must all make, but we do.

Hi Debbie, I was single for 39 years before marrying my late husband. We were married almost 16 years when he died. I thought I would be okay going back to living alone but there are such empty times. He taught school all day so the daytime is not bad but the evenings, night, and early mornings are the hard times. I try to journal, read and spend quiet time with God during most of these moments. Some times though I just let myself have a good cry and remember the wonderful times with my dear man. Know that you are not alone in this at all and you have all of us here for support.

I met my husband when a previous marrige died. I thought I was at the point of dying, but I met that wonderful man in jeans and a flannel shirt, with adhesive tape on his glasses and two scruffy kids. I was slow marrying him (2 and a half years) because he had custody of the 2 kids and I didn't know how I'd do with stepchildren. All my friends told me to marry him and I kept protesting that he "wasn't my type." Thank God for that because I have lousy taste in men. My "picker is broke" is what they tell me. Anyway, we were mariied just short of 20 years. Being a step[mother is very hard and we had some very sad times during adolescense but now I must say that I adore my stepchildren and their kids.
I've always been fairly independent. In situations when I had time off and J did'nt I would do such things as take the kids across the country on Amtrak, rent a car and camp in the Cascades, or fly to Ireland and drive around the country with a friend or go to Canada for a silent retreat in a Catholic reatreat house; etc. I had bought houses and cars before and had even flown small planes. But marrying J was a new kind of risk in intimacy and mutual sacrifices. He was not at all materialistic though he did work all the time We saw each other through the deaths of our mothers, drug and alcohol concerns with the children, horrible abuse in a church and a dose of cancer I had. I can't even imagine having another relationship anything like that. Although it had sad moments we also camped in Michigan, Kentucky, Indiana, went on many weekends at lodges with friends, traveled to Australia and New Zealand and enjoyed doing exciting things like going to Kroger's and the library together.
Since I am a teacher (now just part time) I have a decent pension and a small income. I am able to donate to favorite charities and I have a paid-for house, truck and more than enough in most categories.
I was hoping we could retire together and quit those 50-60 workweeks, but it was not to be. I believe God wants me to learn more about forgiveness and love before I go home to be with my darling again. I'm working on it.
I have a lot of friends, good neighbors and great families; bio, step and in-law. And 6 terrific grandchildren. I have 3 dogs (very cute) 2 cats (spoiled) and a great life in general. I just miss my darling more than I can say, but you guys know all about that.