Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
This weekend was pure hell as I realized that the person I had been seeing for 5 years is a sociopath. My heart has been aching nonstop as I come to grips with the fact that everything I thought was real on an emotional level in fact wasn't real. The person I fell in love with wasn't real but a fabrication to get me to take the bait. I learned this weekend that he's been living with someone else for the last 1 and a half years. He'd make promises to see me, send me emails professing his undying love, but then he wouldn't show up when he said he would and give me a lame excuse as to why he didn't show up. Then he'd ask for a second chance. This cycle repeated itself for years and I kept falling for it and rationalizing his behavior. But this last time, I had enough and told him to F off. Curious as to what was really going on with him, I did some research this weekend, and found the real reason why he continually stood me up. I had turned into the other woman when I was in the beginning the one he wanted to marry, the one he wanted to live with, the one he couldn't live without, etc. After being there for him no matter what for 5 years, supporting him emotionally, financially when he asked, spiritually, I'm devastated. Trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I was just a mark to him, that I was just a game to him is so hard to digest. Any suggestions? How do I survive this? Why didn't I listen to the warnings I received? I always sided with him when the red flags blew right in front of my eyes. He as so convincing.
1) Do not blame yourself for having ignored the red flags -- we have all done that here. Anyone could fall prey to a psychopath, even psychologists!
2) Read all you can about psychopaths so that you understand what happened to you (that helped me a great deal). We all come come out of this experience feeling totally confused because it doesn't make any sense, except to the bizarre mind of a psychopath. I will provide you with several suggestions for reading if you like.
3) Talk to other victims of psychopaths, but do not seek the advice of people who only think that a psychopath is a serial killer because though they may mean well, they will not and could not understand what you experienced. You will soon start hearing your close friends tell you how you have to move on or start dating again -- if it were only that easy!