Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
Hello everyone, I am new to this site and it's refreshing to learn that what I am going through is not my imagination and there is support for us out there.
My story is...i have been in a relationship with my guy for just over 7yrs now. The beginning was amazing as something new always is. He is the most caring, generous, loving person I have ever met. He has done some incredible things for me over the years....but.....then I got to see his true side.
He didn't like the fact that I was single when I met him and was always going on about having others in my life. He use to say that I should have waited for him, as in from when I was a kid. He ransacked my home when I wasn't around to find anything he could to hold against me to say there were other guys in my life. He got all my phone bills and rang every number to see if a guy would answer. And that is when he first slapped me, in his car, arguing over this. I was stunned to say the least, I have never been hit before or treated like this and i regret not walking away that day.
Since then it has been a never ending cycle of abuse then I'm sorry I love you. The physical abuse went from slapping to roughing me up to the point of being covered in bruises from head to toe. He has this thinking that women should be hit if they deserve it. That was quite a few years ago now and the last time he ever hit me.
The verbal abuse though is never ending. And what i'm finding is that everything he says is really reflecting on him and his behaviour. He never stops with the accusations that I am seeing someone else, he is threatened by the fact that he is older than me so always thinks I am with someone younger, but he cannot comprehend that if i wanted to be with someone younger I wouldn't have got with him in the first place. His lying is exceptional, and the story telling, what can I say. I have never met anyone who knows everything, knows everyone, has been everywhere, can do everything. No matter what the topic of conversation with anyone we are talking with, he always has to add that he knows all about it. He needs constant attention, needs to be noticed, if he doesn't get what he wants when he wants it he sulks like a child, gets moody and the the anger starts. There is so much more I could say but I think you all know where I'm coming from.
I never knew what the term 'Psychopath' meant until only last month when I read an article, and that left me in total shock. I have since done some research, which is when I also stumbled upon this site, and Psychopath is all him. What I was reading made me feel sick.
Well now I am trying to break free from him yet again, this time though I am holding in there as i know the cycle will just continue. I am becoming a nervous wreck though,. He is threatening me with..if I don't go see him he will go to my mothers house, says he is going to tell my kids all these things about me, if i'll just have sex with him he'll leave me alone, demanding money I owe him by the afternoon or else, the worse part though is the phone calls, they abusive degrading furious phone calls. My phone message bank is full so he started calling my mothers house where I live, so i took that off the hook. Then he just keeps calling my mobile. if I answer he can talk for like an hour without a breath, with non stop abuse.
Last night I couldn't take it anymore, I went to the police station and as soon as i walked in i broke down in tears. Even while I was talking to the police, they saw him call me at least 30 times, they said don't answer, just turn the ph off. I went to get advice on an AVO, but haven't applied for one as yet.
As much as there is so much more to say, I think I have said enough. It's nice to feel I can get things off my chest as I can't really discuss this with the people around me. I'm sure you understand.
Thank you for reading this.
My story is...i have been in a relationship with my guy for just over 7yrs now. The beginning was amazing as something new always is. He is the most caring, generous, loving person I have ever met. He has done some incredible things for me over the years....but.....then I got to see his true side.
He didn't like the fact that I was single when I met him and was always going on about having others in my life. He use to say that I should have waited for him, as in from when I was a kid. He ransacked my home when I wasn't around to find anything he could to hold against me to say there were other guys in my life. He got all my phone bills and rang every number to see if a guy would answer. And that is when he first slapped me, in his car, arguing over this. I was stunned to say the least, I have never been hit before or treated like this and i regret not walking away that day.
Since then it has been a never ending cycle of abuse then I'm sorry I love you. The physical abuse went from slapping to roughing me up to the point of being covered in bruises from head to toe. He has this thinking that women should be hit if they deserve it. That was quite a few years ago now and the last time he ever hit me.
The verbal abuse though is never ending. And what i'm finding is that everything he says is really reflecting on him and his behaviour. He never stops with the accusations that I am seeing someone else, he is threatened by the fact that he is older than me so always thinks I am with someone younger, but he cannot comprehend that if i wanted to be with someone younger I wouldn't have got with him in the first place. His lying is exceptional, and the story telling, what can I say. I have never met anyone who knows everything, knows everyone, has been everywhere, can do everything. No matter what the topic of conversation with anyone we are talking with, he always has to add that he knows all about it. He needs constant attention, needs to be noticed, if he doesn't get what he wants when he wants it he sulks like a child, gets moody and the the anger starts. There is so much more I could say but I think you all know where I'm coming from.
I never knew what the term 'Psychopath' meant until only last month when I read an article, and that left me in total shock. I have since done some research, which is when I also stumbled upon this site, and Psychopath is all him. What I was reading made me feel sick.
Well now I am trying to break free from him yet again, this time though I am holding in there as i know the cycle will just continue. I am becoming a nervous wreck though,. He is threatening me with..if I don't go see him he will go to my mothers house, says he is going to tell my kids all these things about me, if i'll just have sex with him he'll leave me alone, demanding money I owe him by the afternoon or else, the worse part though is the phone calls, they abusive degrading furious phone calls. My phone message bank is full so he started calling my mothers house where I live, so i took that off the hook. Then he just keeps calling my mobile. if I answer he can talk for like an hour without a breath, with non stop abuse.
Last night I couldn't take it anymore, I went to the police station and as soon as i walked in i broke down in tears. Even while I was talking to the police, they saw him call me at least 30 times, they said don't answer, just turn the ph off. I went to get advice on an AVO, but haven't applied for one as yet.
As much as there is so much more to say, I think I have said enough. It's nice to feel I can get things off my chest as I can't really discuss this with the people around me. I'm sure you understand.
Thank you for reading this.
I wasn't able to see the solicitor that day but have another appointment later today. The solicitor here is someone who will give me legal advice on my situation. He will be able to tell me my rights, information about avo's etc.
I have also spoken to a Psychiatrist over the phone and she said from what i described, my 'S' sounds psychotic and has morbid jealousy and she said these people are usually dangerous.
That very next day I arrived home, I was walking from the train station and saw his car parked in the local club where I found out later he had gone to ask my mother where i was as he saw my car in the driveway and knew i was back home.
As i got further down the street I was crossing the road and there he was at the traffic lights. He drove down to me but i kept walking but he got out of the car and ran after me. So we stood in the street for about an hour talking, and at least in the street it was an open public place so he couldn't really try anything. Answered his questions yet again to his face and made it clear we are over.
As much as we despise these people for what they have done to us, I myself am not a cruel person, and I don't want to see him end up in jail and did tell him i don't blame him for what he is doing or has done as he has a problem that he cannot see or control.
He is seeing a Psychologist, and I rang this person to give him my side of the story because as you all know our 'S' are good story tellers. The psychologist was quite surprised by what i had to say especially with the physical abuse and after his meeting with my 'S' yesterday, he rang me and asked if i would go into see him in person. So I have an appointment with his psychologist on saturday, which was given the ok by my 'S' but he doesn't know what day or time I am going.
He has eased up on the phone calls now, only sending a couple of texts messages saying sorry etc, but he has started writing letters apologising, really long 5-6 page letters, which i have never seen him write a letter in all the time i was with him. He even made a cd for me with two songs that he always called our songs. And all the stuff that he wanted back, that I gave back to him, he gave it all back to me, leaving it on the doorstep one morning.
So I am feeling a little more at ease, well for the moment anyway. We know how quick that can change with these people. I am hoping we can get through this now in a more civil way without having to bring police, courts and jail into the picture. Hopefully the Psychologist can help he get through this now without destroying me any further.
But, I'm not holding my breath just yet!!!! :-)
I am confused, a little.. why did you call his psychiatrist? Did he ask you to? And why are you going to see his psychiatrist?
I guess I just don't understand why if you are breaking from him, you'd go see his psychiatrist.....? What am i missing?
Because the 'S' can be so charming, deceiving, manipulative and such a great story teller, I was concerned that the only information he would tell his Psychologist was what he wanted him to hear and not what he should hear about him. If it was only information he wanted the Psychologist to hear then the psychologist may give him the wrong impression of how to go about ending this situation and how to cope with it and my 'S' may still think he is not doing anything wrong (not that they think they do anything wrong anyway)
One thing these people don't like is for others to know the true person that they really are, so for his Psychologist to have a heads up, my 'S' won't be able to get away with being a 'too nice to be true' type of person.
The first thing his Psychologist said to me when I talked to him on the phone was that my 'S' is sane and he didn't see a problem with him.
Sane is one thing these people are not, but I did read somewhere that these type of people are so good at deception they can even fool the professionals who help them.
Does that make sense??
1. I do see why you would want to "expose" your S... we ALL want to expose the charming con artist. BUT, be careful to not step over the line of codependent - stepping in and trying to "take care" of him.... take care of YOU. Further, I think you could accomplish your mission without going to the psychiatrist..... you probably already put the doubt in his mind and if he/she is a good psychologist, he/she will start to probe your S differently and seek out inconsistencies...
2. Just because your S is seeing a psychiatrist doesn't mean that he wants help. It's probably a ploy to "get you back". And when the time comes that his psych starts "seeing behind the mask"... trust me, he will leave the psych and find another or stop going all together...
Please be careful and watch out. I fear for you...... I am glad you are checking in b/c I actually do fear for your safety sometimes..... you S is not stable and it scares me for you.... Please be careful, Hon.
No amount of therapy can help a sociopath, I fear you are in denial about what you are dealing with here. Even after the upset he caused you with the abuse and the stalking. He has entered therapy for the sole reason that it looks like he is willing to seek help and change his ways. Sociopaths do not want to change, I really hope for your sake that he isn't reeling you in again!! The natural reaction is contempt ... when someone treats you badly you should feel contempt not pity. And pitying someone who continuously hurts you is a definite sign of a trauma bond.
I can understand why you care, but in hindsight he doesn't deserve your compassion. Tell him to *Get Lost* and *Have a Nice Life* etc .. !
Sorry I haven't been online for a while, have had a lot to deal with.
I don't have much time right now to say too much but I just wanted to give you a quick update on the latest events with my situation. As soon as I get the chance I will get on and try to give more details.
But today I finally did it........I went to the Police and applied for the AVO. So as of today my 'S' can't text msg, phone me, come near my house, come near me, my mother, my kids, can't call them, can't bring me letters to the door, etc etc. The court hearing is in 2 wks to see if he agrees with it or if not to go to a further court hearing.
Will keep you posted.
p.s. I hope you are all doing ok and i'm sorry I haven't been around to support others like you have been there for me.