Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
Hello everyone, I am new to this site and it's refreshing to learn that what I am going through is not my imagination and there is support for us out there.
My story is...i have been in a relationship with my guy for just over 7yrs now. The beginning was amazing as something new always is. He is the most caring, generous, loving person I have ever met. He has done some incredible things for me over the years....but.....then I got to see his true side.
He didn't like the fact that I was single when I met him and was always going on about having others in my life. He use to say that I should have waited for him, as in from when I was a kid. He ransacked my home when I wasn't around to find anything he could to hold against me to say there were other guys in my life. He got all my phone bills and rang every number to see if a guy would answer. And that is when he first slapped me, in his car, arguing over this. I was stunned to say the least, I have never been hit before or treated like this and i regret not walking away that day.
Since then it has been a never ending cycle of abuse then I'm sorry I love you. The physical abuse went from slapping to roughing me up to the point of being covered in bruises from head to toe. He has this thinking that women should be hit if they deserve it. That was quite a few years ago now and the last time he ever hit me.
The verbal abuse though is never ending. And what i'm finding is that everything he says is really reflecting on him and his behaviour. He never stops with the accusations that I am seeing someone else, he is threatened by the fact that he is older than me so always thinks I am with someone younger, but he cannot comprehend that if i wanted to be with someone younger I wouldn't have got with him in the first place. His lying is exceptional, and the story telling, what can I say. I have never met anyone who knows everything, knows everyone, has been everywhere, can do everything. No matter what the topic of conversation with anyone we are talking with, he always has to add that he knows all about it. He needs constant attention, needs to be noticed, if he doesn't get what he wants when he wants it he sulks like a child, gets moody and the the anger starts. There is so much more I could say but I think you all know where I'm coming from.
I never knew what the term 'Psychopath' meant until only last month when I read an article, and that left me in total shock. I have since done some research, which is when I also stumbled upon this site, and Psychopath is all him. What I was reading made me feel sick.
Well now I am trying to break free from him yet again, this time though I am holding in there as i know the cycle will just continue. I am becoming a nervous wreck though,. He is threatening me with..if I don't go see him he will go to my mothers house, says he is going to tell my kids all these things about me, if i'll just have sex with him he'll leave me alone, demanding money I owe him by the afternoon or else, the worse part though is the phone calls, they abusive degrading furious phone calls. My phone message bank is full so he started calling my mothers house where I live, so i took that off the hook. Then he just keeps calling my mobile. if I answer he can talk for like an hour without a breath, with non stop abuse.
Last night I couldn't take it anymore, I went to the police station and as soon as i walked in i broke down in tears. Even while I was talking to the police, they saw him call me at least 30 times, they said don't answer, just turn the ph off. I went to get advice on an AVO, but haven't applied for one as yet.
As much as there is so much more to say, I think I have said enough. It's nice to feel I can get things off my chest as I can't really discuss this with the people around me. I'm sure you understand.
Thank you for reading this.
My story is...i have been in a relationship with my guy for just over 7yrs now. The beginning was amazing as something new always is. He is the most caring, generous, loving person I have ever met. He has done some incredible things for me over the years....but.....then I got to see his true side.
He didn't like the fact that I was single when I met him and was always going on about having others in my life. He use to say that I should have waited for him, as in from when I was a kid. He ransacked my home when I wasn't around to find anything he could to hold against me to say there were other guys in my life. He got all my phone bills and rang every number to see if a guy would answer. And that is when he first slapped me, in his car, arguing over this. I was stunned to say the least, I have never been hit before or treated like this and i regret not walking away that day.
Since then it has been a never ending cycle of abuse then I'm sorry I love you. The physical abuse went from slapping to roughing me up to the point of being covered in bruises from head to toe. He has this thinking that women should be hit if they deserve it. That was quite a few years ago now and the last time he ever hit me.
The verbal abuse though is never ending. And what i'm finding is that everything he says is really reflecting on him and his behaviour. He never stops with the accusations that I am seeing someone else, he is threatened by the fact that he is older than me so always thinks I am with someone younger, but he cannot comprehend that if i wanted to be with someone younger I wouldn't have got with him in the first place. His lying is exceptional, and the story telling, what can I say. I have never met anyone who knows everything, knows everyone, has been everywhere, can do everything. No matter what the topic of conversation with anyone we are talking with, he always has to add that he knows all about it. He needs constant attention, needs to be noticed, if he doesn't get what he wants when he wants it he sulks like a child, gets moody and the the anger starts. There is so much more I could say but I think you all know where I'm coming from.
I never knew what the term 'Psychopath' meant until only last month when I read an article, and that left me in total shock. I have since done some research, which is when I also stumbled upon this site, and Psychopath is all him. What I was reading made me feel sick.
Well now I am trying to break free from him yet again, this time though I am holding in there as i know the cycle will just continue. I am becoming a nervous wreck though,. He is threatening me with..if I don't go see him he will go to my mothers house, says he is going to tell my kids all these things about me, if i'll just have sex with him he'll leave me alone, demanding money I owe him by the afternoon or else, the worse part though is the phone calls, they abusive degrading furious phone calls. My phone message bank is full so he started calling my mothers house where I live, so i took that off the hook. Then he just keeps calling my mobile. if I answer he can talk for like an hour without a breath, with non stop abuse.
Last night I couldn't take it anymore, I went to the police station and as soon as i walked in i broke down in tears. Even while I was talking to the police, they saw him call me at least 30 times, they said don't answer, just turn the ph off. I went to get advice on an AVO, but haven't applied for one as yet.
As much as there is so much more to say, I think I have said enough. It's nice to feel I can get things off my chest as I can't really discuss this with the people around me. I'm sure you understand.
Thank you for reading this.
And CC your Mom on it, so she knows you did it. Make it BUSINESS LIKE.
He is NOT your responsibility. Remember that. He is abusive and soulless. You are taking care of yourself; you've cut off his supply and he hasn't replaced you with another supply yet.... that's all that is going on.
He is trying to manipulate you into contacting him - interacting with him. Do not call him. It will be futile.
I found myself and was on my journal of self-awareness and self-source when he re-entered 5 years ago. My intuition told me to RUN, but he convinced me that all his previous behaviors were because he was young and an "emotional infant".... that he had always loved me and only me - and that it was only at age 32, with the help of therapy, that he was capable of understanding and respecting that love.... I bought it. He talked an excellent game.
Aaaaaaand, here were are, nearly 5 years later, and I am in exactly the same tail end of the Narc cycle (discarded and character assassination)... only magnified 10x because we are married and because I exposed him in several of his big lies (the OW, finances, etc)....
I think, that this time, I have finally learned my lesson.
Scorio, please don't be like us and waste 22 years trying to "change" or "believe" a man who really is incapable of change. He is only in this for himself... it is all a game to them. He is trying to "win" right now....
Stay strong.
--Side note- I think a restraining order would be a very clear sign of "closure" for him. Perhaps you do THAT, and include your family in the order..... That cannot be misinterpretted.
Claudia Moscovici, psychopathyawareness
Several readers have indicated in your comments that the psychopaths you broke up with (or who broke up with you) don’t let you go. They can’t accept that the relationship is over. They still try to contact you even though you told them in no uncertain terms you wish to break all contact with them. Despite this finality, they still harass you with unwelcome emails or phone calls. Sometimes they use your child or children as intermediaries, making the situation even more painful and complicated. So the question arises: Why can’t psychopaths take no for an answer and let former relationships go?
I’ve offered one answer to this question in the post Relationship Boomerang. Psychopaths juggle many relationships at once. Some are in the idealization/luring phase; others are in the devalue phase; yet others are in the discard phase and finally many are in the discarded phase, to which the psychopaths return when they get bored with all of the above.
Since, fundamentally, psychopaths engage with other human beings only because they need idolaters and subjects to use and dominate, an insatiable and obstinate need for control is the main and most fundamental reason why psychopaths can’t let go of their victims. Letting go would mean that they lose ownership over former targets. They no longer can get them to do their bidding. They can no longer lie to and manipulate them. They can no longer use them for supply, be it an ego boost, sex, money, or power. Those targets are out of their reach, out of their hands.
This also means that those former targets can move on and have the opportunity to lead much healthier and better lives without the psychopaths. This is the one thing that a psychopath can’t tolerate: the idea that you are far better off without him. The idea that you can find love again, or regain control of the finances he decimated, or find a better career that he destroyed.
To move on, you need to sever all contact with the psychopath. The psychopath may not release you, but you can free yourself. If he emails you, keep all the emails and once you establish a pattern of cyberstalking turn them in to the authorities. Even rerouted IP can be identified by the police. If he calls, don’t answer. If he leaves messages on the phone, let the answering machine record them and keep them as evidence to show the police. A restraining order may not offer much protection, but proving a pattern of stalking could land the psychopath in jail. Keep all the evidence against him but never engage directly with him (or her) in any way.
For a fictionalized representation of psychopathic seduction, check out my new novel, The Seducer, previewed on the links below:
http://www.amazon.com/Dangerous-Lia...
http://www.amazon.com/Seducer-Novel...
Claudia Moscovici, psychopathyawareness
I have been keeping all his voice messages from my phone and putting them on the computer to save on a disc as they get deleted from my phone after so many days, and I have a few text messages I have kept.
Have not heard from him today thankfully.
Will keep you all informed.
Sometimes I find myself feeling guilty that I have caused him what appears to be *genuine anguish* by ending the relationship so suddenly. But then he will say something like 'You never loved me .. you're just a user and have been stringing me along' and it bursts the bubble again! He just cannot accept that HE is the reason that I left him ... his unacceptable behaviour and the manner in which he speaks to me! (amongst others). He told my mother that we had talked about getting married, and when he'd gone she attacked me for agreeing to marry him and stringing him along!! I was like 'huh??' ... I agreed to marry him when I thought he was mainly normal ... but I quickly changed my mind when I saw his true colours! He's still saying that we need to get married and have a new start somewhere else ... almost a month after I have left ... (?)
Like you said Dee, it is their behaviour and manner that has brought it to this and they cannot accept this. I don't know how many times i said those exact words to him...his behaviour and manner.
How are you feeling? Okay?
With this one, I just do not trust at all... I wonder if he is trying to make you come back so he can "get you" and make you talk to him.....
Procede with caution.
Also be ready that this was a pity play and he'll swoop back in and bombard you again...
But, you ARE winning. So stay strong.
With this one, I just do not trust at all... I wonder if he is trying to make you come back so he can "get you" and make you talk to him.....
Procede with caution.
Also be ready that this was a pity play and he'll swoop back in and bombard you again...
But, you ARE winning. So stay strong.
I have to say, as strong as I am, and I am still not responding to these msgs, that last one was rather heartbreaking.