Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
Hello everyone, I am new to this site and it's refreshing to learn that what I am going through is not my imagination and there is support for us out there.
My story is...i have been in a relationship with my guy for just over 7yrs now. The beginning was amazing as something new always is. He is the most caring, generous, loving person I have ever met. He has done some incredible things for me over the years....but.....then I got to see his true side.
He didn't like the fact that I was single when I met him and was always going on about having others in my life. He use to say that I should have waited for him, as in from when I was a kid. He ransacked my home when I wasn't around to find anything he could to hold against me to say there were other guys in my life. He got all my phone bills and rang every number to see if a guy would answer. And that is when he first slapped me, in his car, arguing over this. I was stunned to say the least, I have never been hit before or treated like this and i regret not walking away that day.
Since then it has been a never ending cycle of abuse then I'm sorry I love you. The physical abuse went from slapping to roughing me up to the point of being covered in bruises from head to toe. He has this thinking that women should be hit if they deserve it. That was quite a few years ago now and the last time he ever hit me.
The verbal abuse though is never ending. And what i'm finding is that everything he says is really reflecting on him and his behaviour. He never stops with the accusations that I am seeing someone else, he is threatened by the fact that he is older than me so always thinks I am with someone younger, but he cannot comprehend that if i wanted to be with someone younger I wouldn't have got with him in the first place. His lying is exceptional, and the story telling, what can I say. I have never met anyone who knows everything, knows everyone, has been everywhere, can do everything. No matter what the topic of conversation with anyone we are talking with, he always has to add that he knows all about it. He needs constant attention, needs to be noticed, if he doesn't get what he wants when he wants it he sulks like a child, gets moody and the the anger starts. There is so much more I could say but I think you all know where I'm coming from.
I never knew what the term 'Psychopath' meant until only last month when I read an article, and that left me in total shock. I have since done some research, which is when I also stumbled upon this site, and Psychopath is all him. What I was reading made me feel sick.
Well now I am trying to break free from him yet again, this time though I am holding in there as i know the cycle will just continue. I am becoming a nervous wreck though,. He is threatening me with..if I don't go see him he will go to my mothers house, says he is going to tell my kids all these things about me, if i'll just have sex with him he'll leave me alone, demanding money I owe him by the afternoon or else, the worse part though is the phone calls, they abusive degrading furious phone calls. My phone message bank is full so he started calling my mothers house where I live, so i took that off the hook. Then he just keeps calling my mobile. if I answer he can talk for like an hour without a breath, with non stop abuse.
Last night I couldn't take it anymore, I went to the police station and as soon as i walked in i broke down in tears. Even while I was talking to the police, they saw him call me at least 30 times, they said don't answer, just turn the ph off. I went to get advice on an AVO, but haven't applied for one as yet.
As much as there is so much more to say, I think I have said enough. It's nice to feel I can get things off my chest as I can't really discuss this with the people around me. I'm sure you understand.
Thank you for reading this.
My story is...i have been in a relationship with my guy for just over 7yrs now. The beginning was amazing as something new always is. He is the most caring, generous, loving person I have ever met. He has done some incredible things for me over the years....but.....then I got to see his true side.
He didn't like the fact that I was single when I met him and was always going on about having others in my life. He use to say that I should have waited for him, as in from when I was a kid. He ransacked my home when I wasn't around to find anything he could to hold against me to say there were other guys in my life. He got all my phone bills and rang every number to see if a guy would answer. And that is when he first slapped me, in his car, arguing over this. I was stunned to say the least, I have never been hit before or treated like this and i regret not walking away that day.
Since then it has been a never ending cycle of abuse then I'm sorry I love you. The physical abuse went from slapping to roughing me up to the point of being covered in bruises from head to toe. He has this thinking that women should be hit if they deserve it. That was quite a few years ago now and the last time he ever hit me.
The verbal abuse though is never ending. And what i'm finding is that everything he says is really reflecting on him and his behaviour. He never stops with the accusations that I am seeing someone else, he is threatened by the fact that he is older than me so always thinks I am with someone younger, but he cannot comprehend that if i wanted to be with someone younger I wouldn't have got with him in the first place. His lying is exceptional, and the story telling, what can I say. I have never met anyone who knows everything, knows everyone, has been everywhere, can do everything. No matter what the topic of conversation with anyone we are talking with, he always has to add that he knows all about it. He needs constant attention, needs to be noticed, if he doesn't get what he wants when he wants it he sulks like a child, gets moody and the the anger starts. There is so much more I could say but I think you all know where I'm coming from.
I never knew what the term 'Psychopath' meant until only last month when I read an article, and that left me in total shock. I have since done some research, which is when I also stumbled upon this site, and Psychopath is all him. What I was reading made me feel sick.
Well now I am trying to break free from him yet again, this time though I am holding in there as i know the cycle will just continue. I am becoming a nervous wreck though,. He is threatening me with..if I don't go see him he will go to my mothers house, says he is going to tell my kids all these things about me, if i'll just have sex with him he'll leave me alone, demanding money I owe him by the afternoon or else, the worse part though is the phone calls, they abusive degrading furious phone calls. My phone message bank is full so he started calling my mothers house where I live, so i took that off the hook. Then he just keeps calling my mobile. if I answer he can talk for like an hour without a breath, with non stop abuse.
Last night I couldn't take it anymore, I went to the police station and as soon as i walked in i broke down in tears. Even while I was talking to the police, they saw him call me at least 30 times, they said don't answer, just turn the ph off. I went to get advice on an AVO, but haven't applied for one as yet.
As much as there is so much more to say, I think I have said enough. It's nice to feel I can get things off my chest as I can't really discuss this with the people around me. I'm sure you understand.
Thank you for reading this.
Do not let his threats scare you. He can (and will) tell lies about you - to your kids and to anyone who will listen. (Mine told his daughter that I did not love her...which, of course, is not at all true)... But these men do not have a conscience and they cannot feel remorse.
Go back to the police station and have him served with a restraining order. You need to protect yourself, and your children.
I am so sorry you are going through this. And happy for you that you are finally breaking the cycle.
Just one more note: I know you say you can't talk about this with people around you... why? Don't make the same mistake I did. I was so loyal to my Sociopath that I was not telling many people the "truth" about his behavior and about what was going on. Meanwhile, he was emotionally abusing me, cheating on me, stealing money from me, and slandering my name. I finally had an "ah-ha" moment that I was protecting this man who was wrecking my world.... why NOT be honest about what is going on?
I can already tell you that you will have more support and empathy than you think you will.
But do not protect him any longer.... break that cycle too.
Hugs to you!
I spoke to him today, he rang from a different phone so i didnt know it was him and answered, I let it slip about going to the police and at first he was furious with new threats but I think he has now come to realise that I wasn't joking and that the police have his details, so this might be just what I needed to slow him down. He doesn't know I didn't actually get an AVO though.
Kittymama....in regards to what you said about telling people so they know what he is like.....i have kept this to myself all these years but others such as my kids and mother could read him too and except for the abusive side of him (this is something i don't want them to know about as i'm scared what my son would do), they too could see his childish moods and attitude. So now my mother is informed, another relative as well, and i have told my kids to block his number on their phones or at least not to take any calls from him.
Dee....that demeaning abuse, it really gets to your head, doesn't it. That is what i'm struggling with. I can try to ignore or not listen because I know he is just trying to make himself feel and look better, but the consistency of it is driving me crazy, is really playing with my head and getting me down.
At least today was a day of calm. Let's see how long that lasts.
I know that its hard but the demeaning abuse is just ammunition. I've heard it all and even though I rarely take any notice now, it does have a way of wearing you down. Delete his messages, do not believe the things he says you are, he is in no position to judge, he is a souless, empty creature. Listen to your instincts, and fight back! Tell him where to get off and mean it!! Noone has the right to intimidate and bully you! Remember who you are! I wish you all the best with this situation and I know that should you falter on the road to recovery then there will always be someone here who will support you.
Break contact, break the cycle and then work really hard on trying to figure out what is broken inside of you that would allow you to tolerate the abuse he dished out. That may sound harsh, and I by no means mean it that way. I am currently taking a good hard look at myself to figure out exactly what is "missing/broken" in me that he fulfilled... what belief system I have deeply engrained that would allow me to accept and tolerate my H's narcissistic abuse. I do not want to repeat this same mistake, so I want to figure out and repair whatever is broken inside of me....... I recommend a therapist to help. I know mine is helping. Journaling helps too; it lets your unconscience come out on paper.... Love and respect yourself. Take care of you.. not him.
I am wishing you all the best and hoping for healing and peace for you! ((hugs))
His messages are really playing with my head.
I have actually, in a way to put it, run away from home. I have disappeared to another state where he cant find me. Have only told close family that I have gone but not told them where to so they can't say anything to him. And of course this has sent him into another furious outrage of messages. Full on with who are you with, is he or are they better than me.
Some days I feel full of strength and then i have my moments of feeling absolutely helpless like my only option is to give in (don't worry i'm not going to do that) I have knots in my stomach and feel this is going to wear me down to the point of becoming ill.
Feeling really lost today.
You really need to get a restraining order. I am kind of scared for you. He has gone past the line. He is stalking you. SAVE THOSE MESSAGES! Take pictures of the flowers and gifts. Go to the police and tell them he is harrassing and stalking you.
You do NOT deserve this! You have to protect yourself. You haven't responded to anything, have you?
I am glad you are safe, at least for now.
Hang in there stay strong and please go to the police. I know it may be scary, but its worse not to! You never know what they are capable of. THEY HAVE NO CONSCIENCE! They have no end.
He has now been calling my mum, she said he was quite drunk which is unlike him to drink that much. He was telling her all he wants to know is if there is another guy in my life and he will leave me alone if there is. Yeah right, as if I believe he would leave me alone plus I am telling him constantly everyday this is not about anyone else. My mum is worried he may harm himself. And that he needs help, he is sounding very possessive.
He has called my son a number of times and my older daughter seeing if anyone knows where I am.
I know I can get his number blocked on two of the phones he is calling but to block it on my kids mobiles is more complicated as they said they need to investigate it.
As much as I didn't want to go as far as an AVO against him I think I will have to do this as soon as I get home. But i'm not sure when that will be as I can stay where I am for as long as I need to. I don't know if this is something I can do from where I am but I don't want to drag the people I am staying with into this drama by having to state where I am staying.
I feel like I am rambling on, not even sure what i am saying anymore. Sorry
Stay strong though. You know he is unhealthy. You cannot take care of him - he is manipulating the situation and trying to make your mom feel sorry for him... it's a tactic to get to YOU! To get you to feel sorry for him.
I do not like this man!
Stay strong, Scorp! Don't fall for the tactics. Take care of you, not him. Get the restraining order. Your S is responsible for himself. You do not need to shoulder that any longer. Remember that.
HUGS!
I have not spoken to my psychopath for 5 days now, since I left home to stay elsewhere for a while, but he has been contacting my family etc as I have said previously.
This morning though he went to my mothers again and she said he is crying like a baby, he is still asking the same question...am I with another guy....that he just wants an answer to this and he will leave me alone. He also has started speaking to other relatives such as my aunty and cousin showing them text messages.
My mother said I need to either contact him and tell him it's over once and for all ( like i haven't dont that enough times already) she said it is like he thinks we are still together and that i have just gone to be with someone else. She said I should speak to professionals to help tell him that it is over so it will hopefully sink in and that he needs help mentally.
I feel I need to call him just for the sake of telling him to leave my mother alone, she is elderly and not needing this worry, but on the other hand I don't want to call him because then it will be like he has won with all these problems he is causing for other family members and making me get in touch with him.
My family are starting to get angry with me for leaving and that he is now annoying them.
I am also thinking of contacting a relationship counsellor to help talk to him instead of an AVO just yet, he really does need some professional help and I think getting an AVO will destroy him further or at least make things worse for me to in the long run.
He also left me messages today saying he was going to catch a plane to start looking for me too.
I'm starting to feel like I really need to log into this site daily now to get it all off my chest as I know all of you are the only ones who really know what i am going through.
all advice is greatly appreciated.
(Martha Stout)
And CC your Mom on it, so she knows you did it. Make it BUSINESS LIKE.
He is NOT your responsibility. Remember that. He is abusive and soulless. You are taking care of yourself; you've cut off his supply and he hasn't replaced you with another supply yet.... that's all that is going on.
He is trying to manipulate you into contacting him - interacting with him. Do not call him. It will be futile.