Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
I am not there.....YET,
but I do believe that the only way to become healthy again, and that will be the final step, is to forgive. If we cannot forgive and let go of the anger, resentment, may be even the hate we feel, we only keep hurting ourselves.
'Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned' ~ Gautama Siddharta~
I just went to the movies and watched The Railway Man....very much along this topic, Loved it!
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2058107/
I have also been following The Forgiveness Challenge. So for any of you who are looking in this direction, check it out: http://forgivenesschallenge.com/
You can forgive without having to talk to, to write or to ever see the person again, who has hurt you. You can forgive people who have passed on. You will give yourself one of the greatest gifts there is: Inner Peace.
As I mentioned above: I am not there yet (right now my hand is burning), but one day I WILL BE!
but I do believe that the only way to become healthy again, and that will be the final step, is to forgive. If we cannot forgive and let go of the anger, resentment, may be even the hate we feel, we only keep hurting ourselves.
'Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned' ~ Gautama Siddharta~
I just went to the movies and watched The Railway Man....very much along this topic, Loved it!
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2058107/
I have also been following The Forgiveness Challenge. So for any of you who are looking in this direction, check it out: http://forgivenesschallenge.com/
You can forgive without having to talk to, to write or to ever see the person again, who has hurt you. You can forgive people who have passed on. You will give yourself one of the greatest gifts there is: Inner Peace.
As I mentioned above: I am not there yet (right now my hand is burning), but one day I WILL BE!
As an aside, the other day I was feeling miserable and depressed. It dawned on me that THAT was exactly what my ex wanted me to feel. So I thought, FORGET that! I'm gonna work to feel better!
Empathic: You GOT it! You already ARE working on feeling better! Better than she ever will....but that is not of your concern. It is about you, and about you only! :)
I probably didn't quote that 100% correctly, but I hope you understand what I'm trying to say. We're beating ourselves up by holding in the anger, the pain, the misery, the bitterness. Being able to let all those negative emotions go... to purge them from our souls allows us to grow and bloom.
Having said that, I also believe we go through stages in our healing process. Phases of emotions on the journey of recovery. It's taken me years to overcome the heartache, and I never want to go back to that negative dark side again.
Wishing everyone here peace and harmony....
In my head, and the way I understand "forgiveness" it means to no longer be angry or upset with the person.
So, I AM angry and upset with my abuser- I am pretty sure it is thanks to continued BS from him. I don't have the luxury of NC, so how am I supposed to forgive someone that continues to screw with my life and make me miserable?
I have made peace with what he is, and how things have happened. And I have made an active choice to fill my life and my days with more positivity and less concern for the petty nonsense he throws my way. I'm trying to get the wheels of karma and attraction to spin my way- Is that forgiving myself? Or do I have it all wrong?
traditionally the work of the heart begins with forgiveness. Forgiveness is the necessary ground for any healing. To begin with, we need a wise understanding of forgiveness. Then we can learn how it is practiced, how we may forgive both ourselves and others.
Consider the dialogue between two former prisoners of war:
“Have you forgiven your captors yet?”
“No, never!”
“Well, then, they still have you in prison, don’t they?”
Forgiveness is not weak or naive. Forgiveness requires courage and clarity; it is not naive. Mistakenly people believe that to forgive is to simply “forgive and forget,” once and for all. This is not the wisdom of forgiveness.
Forgiveness does not happen quickly. For great injustice, coming to forgiveness may include a long process of grief, outrage, sadness, loss, and pain. True forgiveness does not paper over what has happened in a superficial way. It is not a misguided effort to suppress or ignore our pain. It cannot be hurried. It is a deep process, repeated over and over in our heart, that honors the grief and betrayal, and in its own time ripens into the freedom to truly forgive.
Forgiveness does not forget, nor does it condone the past. Forgiveness sees wisely. It willingly acknowledges what is unjust, harmful, and wrong. There is a strength to forgiveness. When we forgive, we can also say, “Never again will I allow these things to happen.” We may resolve to never again permit such harm to come to ourselves or another.
Rae, when you have some time (1hr) may be you'll like to watch this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yiRP-Q4mMtk
:)
Since all the research and studying about personality disorders, I can somewhat understand how their minds tick. I don't feel the hatred for him I once felt, and I don't feel angry with myself anymore. There are moments when I'm disgusted with his crap, his rages, and attempts to control me. But they don't work anymore. He can't make me feel bad towards myself now. When he tries, usually via a phone call because he travels for work a lot, I can now sit back and smile knowing he can't touch me with his nonsense.
It's hard to describe, but I don't feeling anything for him anymore. It's like I'm kind of numb... no emotions for him. To get to this place emotionally, I've had to remind myself that he is wired differently from normal people. And I believe he was born this way. He's a sick individual, and it's not my fault. Don't get me wrong. There are times I get mad at him, but it's not that hatred filled anger I used to have. And since I've been able to heal some (due to the knowledge I've gained over the last couple of years), I've been able to let go of that kind of deep dark negativity.
I really think it takes time, or at least for me it did. It doesn't happen overnight. It's more of a progressive type of healing. I'm still married to my abuser and we're still business partners. A few days ago, I had a friend here on DS suggest I put up a kind of emotional shield around myself, and I realized that's exactly what I've been doing. I put up this kind of mental shield where my abusers barbs are deflected. They don't hurt me like they used to.
For me, holding onto the bitterness and anger I felt for my abuser was hurting me. The negativity of those dark emotions were eating away at me.... not him. When I understood that, I prayed... a lot. That's what worked for me. Whether it's prayer or meditation, it helps so much to find that "place" of peace. To be able to forgive and release all the dark feelings. That's when the healing truly began for me.
I wish and pray for all of us who have been tortured, emotionally and physically, to find peace, to find forgiveness, and to find healing. It takes a lot of effort, it doesn't come easy. Give yourselves time to recover from the pain. It will get better. Big hugs to all and best wishes. :)
I will try to find some links for you. I think you have a real sence of reality . I totally understand that forgivness has nothing to do With the other person at all. It is for us to moove on. Sorry I still disagree With the most of you,
I do not in any way try to forgive the abuser. I as as much as you out here moving on but I dont need to forgive in the way some of you think. No one have the absolute right / wrong in this.
Down on the site there is a blue link: alternative to forgivness and revenge.
A lot to read but the sublect is not taken easily.
Hope this will be a help to sombody.