In keeping with this topic I have forgiven the guy who abused me sexually when at school in rade 1. He was in grade4 or5 at the time. A whole bunch of other onlooking students found it hilarious. I forgave them and others and am experiencing amazing peace. Now My Mom I forgave years ago. Thus I can forgive her for being so sociopath like. But forgiveness and reconciliation are two differrent things. Things will remain NC. therefore.

Forgivness is very easy to talk of. I dont want or have any need to talk in that direction when it comes to the man that abused me. It feels like an insult. I want to forgive myself , thats all. No, i will hopefully not go around and hate People, for me forgive can be a slick Word.

Me too Fisk, I have had to forgive myself and I feel that I have. As for the ex, she isn't worthy of forgiveness. She wouldn't care anyway. She knows she's a monster, but more importantly I know she is. So why would I even bother forgiving anyone but myself.

Thank you Bavarianangel for these resources. That movie looks amazing! The forgiveness challenge is an amazing concept.

Empathic , it is NOT about the other person. You or anyone is NOT doing the OTHER person a favor by forgiving. It does not matter what 'they' think or if 'they' care. YOU DO! That is one of the differences between someone who is a Sociopath and someone who isn;t. WE CARE!

I have to go to work, so can't write more right now- read this article:

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/a-reason-to-be-grateful-for-our-most-difficult-painful-experiences/

I'm obviously not there yet either- I read the word " forgiveness" and my instant reaction was "...annndd....I'm out......" I feel like forgiveness is a gift that he isn't worthy of. Is that healthy for me? I'm pretty certain it isn't. But as of right now- The act of me forgiving my abuser would be a daily choice that I would have to actively make. Almost like everyday shoving done my very intense anger and hatred for him. He doesn't care if I forgive him or not- so why should I put myself through that? His souless carcass isn't even capable of accepting forgiveness, or love, or anything. It would be throwing my precious energy into a void.

I've always envied those who could forgive the people who have done them wrong, Mothers forgiving their child's murderer, etc. It is a really peaceful and beautiful thing to be able to do. And the sensible side of me knows that the act of forgiveness in situations like that, and like ours, are really to help the victim heal, its a way of letting go.

That is one thing I love about this forum- there is so much information out there, and we share so much. We have all suffered similar circumstances, but all will heal by very different means

I always thought of forgivness in the way presented here. For me I have gain the knowledge that I dont need to forgive. That is a big relife to me. Hate is not always the opposite of forgivness.

I agree with those who have said that forgiving yourself is the primary goal. As far as forgiving the predator, I can only forgive someone who is sincerely sorry for what they've done. I don't believe an S/P/N is capable of true remorse. So, even if they asked for forgiveness, it would be insincere.

Thanks Bavarian. I like tinybuddha articles!

I was thinking today that really, if I use my bad experience as a tool to be able to filter out people I don't need and choose better relationships with people in general (no way am I ready for another romantic one), then the socio gave me a gift she never thought she'd give me.

To tell the SPN that you forgive them is just giving them more reason to continue to be awful to people. ANYTHING you offer to them will come back to hurt you tenfold.

Important thing. Turn the experience into something so much greater. I always thought that "compassion and empathy" led to healing but at this point in my life, it's led to abuse.

Not being a victim. A survivor now!

PS I don't think they are doing the best they can in the same way that nons are. They're not trying to be good people. They're doing the best they can to rip off and hurt. It's so stupid. What losers.

I NEVER told my mother I forgave her just to avoid letting her feel she has a clean slate and the right to continue the abuse. It was more me dropping the debt I felt she owed me and going on with my life.

I did tell my ex I forgave her for being a monster but it was more about my understanding and articulating that she's a monster and saying, I don't care anymore. Totally understand Doug.

Although there is a part of me that also said I forgive you just to see if she would come back, so I could repel her.

It really is about oneself. There is no word nor gesture you can offer the SPN that won't be returned with some hideous treatment in return. :)

So I strongly believe, that what we think about is what we attract. That is another reason why I am trying to work hard toward the point of Forgiveness.
Again: it is NOT about the other person or 'letting them get away' with what they have done. They do not matter any more. Yet our thoughts of hatred, anger, resentment even retaliation, do not serve US well. What will happen is that we will bring more of these kind of experiences into our life.
I strongly believe that and one can witness, if one chooses to, every day in sports and athletics ( I love sports, can you tell?) How is it possible that able people cannot finish an IRONMAN (2.4mi swim, 112mi bike ride, 26.2 run) and DISabled people very often will succeed? ....because that is what they tell themselves and what they focus on CAN'T and CAN.
Henry Ford said: 'Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.' - so whatever occupies your thoughts, that is which you will attract :)

So I have two links for you girls and guys, if you are interested: one is a movie by Wayne Dyer, called THE SHIFT (full movie 2hrs) and the other is about CAN ;)

The Shift http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5O1CTlSwg4

Team Hoyt http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDnrLv6z-mM

Forgiveness turns the matter over to God, the universe, however one chooses to think of it. When you hold un-forgiveness in your heart, you neutralize the power for the process of retribution to unfold. When you let go, the universe steps in, and the karma of the wrong-doer unfolds. I have seen it happen. This might serve as a bit of incentive, but forgiveness is also a process. It can take a couple of years to a decade to fogive a life-altering wounding, and this comes in stages, where there are longer and longer periods of forgiveness (peace in your heart) over time.

It is the natural movement of your heart to forgive. It will happen. The heart of a psychopath is the opposite--it moves alway in a direction of hatred and vengenace due to its desire to serve its master--Evil.