Hope you are doing better now. Keep us posted.

I am/was a successful guy. It took over 2 years to land a job. I'm SO sorry that you are where you're at. As I tell my wife, watch your vote

No one deserves to be called a loser. You will turn it around.

You are NOT a loser. You are simply between opportunities. It's beyond rough, I know. You have nothing to be ashamed of and this time in your life will pass. It's a new year and I believe great things are in store for you! Please believe this.

I am so sorry you are having to go through not only the job search (in these times) but are also being emotionally put down. I am single so my advice is from an outsider's view on marriage, but it is never ok to call your spouse names or demean them. I hope you can have some restoring time with your spouse and build your relationship to a stronger level during this tough time.

I have a relative that will put others down when in fact they are feeling scared or worried. They tend to turn their fears into hatred and anger. No excuses makes this right, but it at least explains why they might be reacting that way.

Just an idea: rent a movie from the library (free!) and fix a yummy but cheap meal and have a date-at-home. For a few hours, forget unemployment and just enjoy being with each other.

As the wife and former breadwinner, I do hope things are better for you now. I always took great pride in bringing home the bacon and frying it up, but now there is no bacon to fry.

I try to clean the house, be more active in my kids' lives, cook creatively, and look forward to my husbands meager part-time wages to get us through to the next month.

The truth is, I feel I'm terrible at it. Sure they love homemade bread (with flour from the local food pantry), and that I can attend our daughters' basketball games.

I just wish I could keep the cable on, pay for music lessons, special needs tutoring, and an occasional pizza. I see the look in their eyes. I'm a failure.

Next month, we lose phones, internet, and heat. They have no idea. The month after that, electricity. My husband can pay the rent. That is all.

For 41 years I've worked hard. Now I've got nothing but a disappointed family and no retirement to go along with no unemployment benefits, no job, and no hope.

nobody deserves to be called a loser. my boyfriend and i would argue about the job issue which is very hard on both of us.

Not doing good tonight, been called loser again and at my wit's end. We are moving to Atlanta to be closer to my wife's family and that wrecks my consulting business up here. Totally lost tonight.

I found this post looking for others who are dealing with this. I am so sorry this is happening to you too.

My story is kind of long. I live outside of my home country. Initially I found a job quite easily, working freelance for a company in another country. However, several years ago, due to cost cutting, the company got rid of the long-term freelancers in favor of a different business model.

I wasnt too worried at first, because I had found a job here before. However, it turns out that for foreigners, finding a typical job in this country is complicated for a variety of reasons too long to list here. A few are people assuming you dont speak the language and the importance of knowing the right people. I speak the language fluently and can work in any job since I am a permanent residency, but responding to job ads gets me nowhere.

Taking any crappy job or doing temp work is not a possibility. As a foreigner from a more developed country things like retail jobs are seen as beneath me and the salaries are so low it really isnt worthwhile. Temp work hardly exists here and there is a lot of abuse.

I have been married to someone from here since for over 5 years. This has put so much stress on our relationship.

I have worked my connections the best I can and I am doing some work, but I am definitely underemployed. There are times when I do okay, but other months are really slow. My husband paid for me to do a course for a possible career change, but finding clients is not as easy as he seems to think. Without experience and references it has proven impossible so far.

My husband, meanwhile, is under a lot of work stress. His work environment is toxic and, unfortunately, his field is saturated so finding a new job is not easy. He also lacks the connections that can get you the better jobs.

He definitely takes this frustration out on me. He seems to respect me less and loses his patience when small things go wrong. For example, recently, he couldnt find his credit card and ID card. He was sure he had put them on a shelf in the bathroom. So, immediately, he said they must have fallen into the trash and it is my fault for throwing them out. I mean, seriously, he seemed to think I am supposed to go through all the trash before I take it to the bin to make sure nothing fell in? Of course he takes no responsibility for putting them in a place where they could have fallen into the trash. He brought up that I was not working into the argument and compared me to this woman we know who lives off her mom and is out of work - when she used to work she was always abusing disability benefits because she is lazy. He eventually discovered they were in the pocket of his pants in the washing machine. He apologized, he always does, but not before making me feel like crap about my situation even though I have been consulting on a project for a friend for over a month and have a few other things I am doing.

Things will be fine for a while, but then something else happens, the computer is acting up, something goes wrong without dinner, and of course it is all my fault. It is exhausting.

My husband has been unemployed for 2 years. He has tried to find work and I understand he is depressed. I don't know if most people looking for work understand that their spouse is also under intense pressure while the search goes on. We are supposed to offer unflinching support but are often yelled at and insulted by the stressed job searcher. We are supposed to be bright and cheery and be upbeat about prospects only to often be told we are stupid and a job won't work. I try every day to help but most days I feel so hurt and hopeless. He is destroying my self esteem as well. I feel as if he is so destroyed that he has to destroy everyone else. What have other people done to try not to dump on their wives?

To the previous poster, this group is for the unemployed, maybe your post would be better on a forum for the spouses of the unemployed.

Personally, I am not looking for unflinching support, as you put it. Not being blamed for every little thing that goes wrong would be enough of a start for me. Maybe your husband lashes out and attacks you, but I don't do that.

Fortunately, my husband was given a bit of time off work from stress and prescribed something for mild anxiety. It seems to have helped. Things that would have set him off previously, like not being able to find something, seem to roll of his back more. He calms down and concentrates on finding what is missing instead.

Also, I was paid my tax refund and a partial payment for a project I did, plus I have some money coming in from an English class I am doing, so he seems more relaxed about that. The best news is that an internal job opening has become available in the agency that he works for. It is closer to our house and is a step above his job now, so it would be more money. Plus, if it works out he would get away from his psycho boss that is the source of a lot of his stress. I really hope it comes through. I am helping him get his application packet together.

I have a very different perspective from the other posts here. I am unmarried, unattached and have neither siblings nor children. In other words, I am going through all of this completely alone.

For everyone who is struggling with an unsupportive spouse, I encourage you to try to work through those challenges, including seeking counseling to help you understand each other's perspective. I think it is so much better to walk through the obstacle course of life with someone by your side than all alone.

Good luck. Give your spouse a hug and a kiss!

You make a good point, Mariah, dealing with being unemployed all alone comes with its own challenges.

Things have gone back to crap here. My husband decided to stop taking the meds and refuses to go back to the psychiatrist. I made him appointment with someone different but he cancelled it. It has not been a good thing.

Yesterday he blew up because the computer was slow and it must be my fault for going to sites with viruses since I all do is play on the computer all day, according to him. In fact, all I had open was a well-known news site and some corporate sites related to the project I was working on. Plus, I am the only one who bothers to scan the computer for viruses/malware and back up the files.I hate this. I feel stuck and like a failure, but I honestly don't have anywhere to go.

Hi Unemplexcpat: Sorry to hear about your challenges. Only you can decide what is working and what is not. Please remember that you cannot be responsible for your husband's decisions. Also keep in mind that no matter what anyone tells you -- you have the power to decide whether that critique and/or expression of anger is merited or simply irrelevant venting. Yes, I understand it is much more complicated when those emotions come from someone you care about deeply.

I encourage you to try to keep the negativity in perspective and "be a duck" -- let those comments roll off your back.

Good Luck! You deserved to have support and a partner in this extremely difficult process.

Things have been a lot better lately. We had a 4-day weekend recently for national holidays and the break was really good for my husband.

Even better, a worthless co-worker of his was transferred to another office. Having to work with that guy always brought a lot of stress to my husband since he was out sick a lot and didn't do much when he was in the office. So, my husband had to pick up his slack. Unfortunately, they work for the government so the guy could not be fired. A new woman was sent to replace him and she is working out a lot better so far.

We are also going on vacation towards the end of the month, so he gets another break from the office. He has definitely been more relaxed lately and isn't blaming things on me all the time.