I am not an expert on the subject, .. but it does not strike me you are anything except a loving Mother who is heavily stressed ... and exhausted. You express clearly why that would be.

Not being an expert, I can't tell you what to do .... but what you describe about yourself is ENTIRELY understandable.

I believe the doctors when they say too young to diagnose/treat. She is very, very young.

To be honest, I think you can only take it a day at a time, ...doing what you are doing .... and try your best to do it the best you can.

I am sure you want it 'fixed' ASAP ... but from what I read, .. time is the component in the future of this situation. I think you are doing all you can do.

Drop the guilt .. you are guilty of nothing. Love her, and love yourself. You are both adorable, I am sure.

Having trich myself since a young age I know how your daughter feels and as a mother I can understand how you feel as well. I worry that my daughters will start pulling when I see their hands in their hair.
I was a very hyperactive child too. That could be part of the issue. You are seeking help as any good mother would do- you ARE a good mother to be concerned and to be telling your daughter how beautiful she, without a doubt, is.
I hope that you and/or doctors find a way to help ease her pulling urges. Letting her wear a hat/scarves on her head might help to block her hand from having easier access to her hair (of course I know with a small child they will simply reach underneath) gentle reminders to put her hands down, I sometimes sat on my hands when I was little. Giving her lots of activities, arts and crafts and sports activities to use up that excess energy. Limit sugar, sugar has always been something that worsens my pulling urges.
I am sure that you're doing all that you can do. Forgive yourself because it certainly isn't anyone's fault. If there is a way for your daughter to be involved with other kids that could help build her self esteem.
Best of luck to you, never hesitate to ask questions here, or simply vent how your feeling. This is the place to do it!

Thanks for the support. I feel hopeless because she is doing all these things already and nothing is working so far :(

According to the book 'The Hair Pulling Problem-The Complete Guide To Trichotillomania' by Fred Penzel, The Reluctant Child:
Both adults and children with TTM would seem to pull either when over stimulated (stressed or excited) or understimulated (bored or inactive). In other words, it gives them an external way to regulate unpleasant internal states, it feels good immediately, and they like it, even if they do not like the consequences.
There is a huge section on children in this book and helpful websites and information-
It sounds like you are on the right track of being supportive of your daughter-
As QueenMarie has noted, I think keeping your daughter active in activities and sports is a great thing- focusing her energy on positive things while trying not to focus so much on pulling episodes.
Seeking counsel for yourself as a parent would be of help to you- As this is a stressful disorder to deal with- Be kind to yourself and take things day by day.
Hugs.
Welcome..I'm glad you found us.

Thank you all for your support. Today was a bad day for her she has two new huge bald spots right in the front. She hid and did this. I asked her why and what she does with the hair. She pointed to her mouth and says she eats some and hides some in her room. Her hair looks awful sorry to say :(. Is she too young for a wig? Do you think it will distract from own hair? Hats don't work she won't keep them on. She wishes she had long hair so maybe she would keep the wig on ? Im willing to spend a good amount of money if I need to for her. Whats your opinions? Do they look natural? Which ones do? I been googling wigs for kids and there isnt many options. I found only synthetic. Do good synthetic look realistic?

Will she wear a scarf? There are hair pieces and wigs that are available.
Something to consider is a "Topper"- Most have scalp colored undersides and you can cut and style, curl, and wash like her own hair. It has clip in combs all around the crown so they stay secure even in a strong wind. Toppers look very natural and will blend with her own hair- provided you get the same hair coloring as her own. Toppers are easy to style and you can get out the door in a moments notice.
Since your daughter is eating her hair, don't use any powders or cover ups for the scalp because of possible chemical exposures internally. Since she is starting this behavior you need to seek Habit Reversal Training soon- as she will eventually get hair balls in her stomach and have further problems with gastrointestinal problems.

Trichobezoars (bezoars):
Bezoar. A mass blocking a person's digestive tract. It can sometimes occur in people with TTM who swallow the hair they pull which then form a blockage. Such hair masses are called "trichobezoars." Although somewhat rare, these can be life threatening if left untreated, and may require surgical removal. Swallowing longer hairs will increase the risk that this problem can occur.
The swallowing of hairs may be the most physically hazardous symptom of TTM, as it can result in hairballs, which block the intestinal tract.
This hair eating ritual is known as trichophagy.

This sounds like such a difficult situation, but it seems like you are being as supportive and proactive as possible, especially in terms of not punishing her for pulling and keeping things positive.

If she won't wear a hat, what about other types of barriers to prevent pulling? Band aids over her fingers? A scarf over her hair? Maybe give her a few different options but tell her she has to choose one.

Can you make some kind of chart to visually show days she has not pulled? I personally use this to control my own trich, and as a teacher, I have used extremely similar charts to manage behavior with kids your daughter's age with a lot of success. Maybe for every day (or hour or half-day....whatever is attainable) she can add something to the chart - a sticker or whatever you choose. Or maybe the whole chart can be a puzzle and for each day she doesn't pull she can add one puzzle piece. After she meets the goal of getting a certain number of stickers or completing the puzzle or whatever it may be, she can a reward. It would continue in your method of keeping things positive and giving her some incentive. Small and attainable goals, positive reinforcement, and let her be involved in making the chart and choosing her reward.

Telling her she is beautiful is great. If she is so worried about her appearance, hearing that she is smart, kind, and other things not related to appearance will boost her self-esteem even more. I am sure you do that already though, because you seem like a very caring parent.

As others have said, eating the hair is a more serious issue and something a doctor may be able to help more with, as it can lead to serious problems.

Good luck! You are doing all you can - it is not your fault or hers, just the difficulties of having trich.

You guys im seriously horrible at being a parent. She is extremely hyperactive and I yell at her because she is non stop doing something and it never ends. I try to be patient its so hard sometimes after telling someone not to do wrong things over and over. Then the trichotillomania on top of the adhd is crushing. And finding out meds for her extreme adhd triggers trichotillomania ...I feel fucking hopeless!!! She is going to need adhd meds to help her pay attention in school. Like seriously I can't take all this pressure anymore. I am failing her and myself.

I am calling her doctor tomorrow about her eating her hair. Im sorry if I sound like im over reacting but I honestly am not eating, sleeping, etc. I constantly try to research how to help her. I've tried so many things like bandaid, gloves etc. She said thats not going to stop me and twisted a chunk out with gloves and bandaid. Her might not being able to get meds for adhd because of the trichotillomania I think is the most devastating blow to me. I wish I could crawl under a rock right now

Im praying she isn't going to need medication for adhd but the doctor thinks so. Im really sorry I'm not more positive about all of this at this im trying to work on that

There will be times when being positive is hard to even imagine being but you'll get there. You're going to be frustrated and angry, it is so hard to feel as if this is something that we can't control. I can imagine how hard it is as a mother, seeing your child struggle. Have patience. Be sure to breathe. Remember that despite these problems she is an otherwise healthy and beautiful child of yours. She will someday be a very strong and independent woman because of these obstacles. I wish there were more comforting things I could say to you.
Keep a journal where you can vent your frustrations, where you can let out how you honestly feel so that you don't loose your patience with her. Be sure to celebrate the things that she does well, celebrate when she demonstrates any kind of behavior that you want to see more of. Positivity and feeling that the adults in my life were proud of me really helped me to feel proud of myself.
Keep in contact with her doctors. Give different treatments plenty of time to work before trying a new approach. Don't let her be alone for too long. Have her help you clean and cook.
I hope you continue to keep us updated on how she's doing and how you're doing. Sending you positive thoughts, wishes, prayers,. I know it'll be a long road ahead of you'll get where you want to be. Really trust that, help her make goals and help her to reach them, start small. Go 15 minutes without pulling. I liked the idea someone had (sorry I forget who) about a sticker chart. Having something to look at and to see evidence of success I think could help her see that she's doing good as well.
Schedule things for her to look forward to- a day at the park, go out to buy new books. It helped me when I felt down to look forward to something.

It may be worthwhile to consider getting another doctor's opinion. Most doctors will not diagnose ADHD in children younger than 5. Behavioral therapy is used more often than medication in kids her age, so there may be other options out there that will work for her that don't involve meds that will increase the problems with trich.

Thank you everyone for your support. I was overwhelmed and overreacting when I wrote some things. Its just hard to see your own child pull chunks out of her head and it not hurt or bother her. I have been doing a lot of research on trichotillomania and hyperactivity in kids and some of the things I read make me feel worse than better because I keep hoping she will grow out of it. Now I feel desperate because what I keep seeing is it doesn't work that way. A lot of teachers and doctors and I keep thinking the hair pulling is because she is hyper and gets bored and that as she gets older she will find ways to calm down and that will help both problems. I am really hoping that is the case. I understand it might not be the case and she could pull out her hair for a long time to come :(. Its hard to think of that kind of future. I know what Inneed to do to prepare for it. Its just heart breaking and honestly embarrasses me too. People look at me like im a failure and I feel like one too despite what anyone says. We are looking into family counseling. My husband deals with all this much better than me because he works in the mental health feild for people who are not even able to live in there home. It feels he doesn't see this as serious as I do. Obviously something is wrong if a child pulls out chunks of hair and it doesn't hurt. :(. I get that it doesn't hurt people with trichotillomania but its so hard to deal with from a parent prospective. I hope I haven't offended anyone. I am just being a completely honest parent. I like many other parents will support my trich daughter but it hurts us a lot that others can see the problem its never a secret we can work on without outside input and uneducated judgment.

All you can do is expect the best and prepare for the worst. We all have different stories- even though we have this same habit. Your daughter is young and there's no way to know for sure when her pulling will subside. I was very hyperactive as a child, my parents never really did a lot to diagnose me or treat me. They tried their best to show me patience but I remember a lot of anger and frustration directed at me and it certainly didn't help although now I understand how hard it must have been for them. So be proud that you're proactive and doing what you can, reaching out for resources and information, to help your daughter. Being her friend and keeping her busy will be the best therapy for her along with which ever treatment option you find best for her.
Be sure to tell her that there are other people like her. I didn't have the internet as a kid. I felt as if I was the only person in the world with my "problem" Involve her in the healing process. Help her journal, ask her a lot of questions about how she feels and what she wants. There is a lot of internal chaos for me when I'm feeling overwhelmed and a good talk can calm me down.
Between the ages of 13-22 and 23-28 I had beautiful hair. I met my husband and we were married. He treats me great and loves me with or without a full head of hair. A loss of hair isn't a loss of success or of love. Focusing on her education, using that physical energy, and having fun. People will make their assumptions- I had people assuming I was a cancer patient when I was little. It was hard to deal with other people, bullies, people that don't understand the details of this issue, will make it more difficult than the issue itself at times. You daughters self esteem is way more important than her hair. Help her build that strength she'll need to deal with people that will judge by appearances. I do wish my family had purchased a wig for me. I did not like being so obviously different. I wore a hat to school for years and was teased relentlessly.
I am 31 now and I have eyebrows and eyelashes. Most people that see me don't realize that I have trich. I use hair products to help blend in my thin spots where I pull the most. I still struggle some days to keep control but I've managed the best I can and I try to remain optimistic. Those tough times molded me into a very independent and strong person. I'm grounded and I am not superficial. Every day is a new day. I always wish hair grew faster but that is why patience is so important. We can dwell on the fact that we pulled. Pulling doesn't hurt us. There is a physical feeling that is pleasing when we pull. I've often described it as an itch and pulling the hair is the only way to scratch it. It's not only a mental decision to pull or to not pull- there is a calming and pleasing physical feeling that goes a long with it which is why it's so hard to just tell someone to stop. You can ask why all day long. Why does an alcoholic drink when they know that it's not healthy?
I am glad that you're honest. Don't be ashamed of feeling embarrassed or angry. You're a mother that wants the best for your child and that's a beautiful thing. We'd all feel that way at times.