Okay, so I noticed an increase in my hair loss. I've made a short list because its also really important to know what I'm doing wrong. Plus, this way you guys can tall me through all this and hopefully you'll have better ideas on how to target these areas that create stress and anxiety.

Here's an update on what I did poorly:

1) Dehydration
2) Caffeine Binge
3) Physical Exhaustion
4) Sugar High
5) Skin Reactions (probably because of my poor diet)
6) Headaches (lack of sleep an accidentally sleeping with my hair up. I find that it creates tension on my already damaged scalp)
7) Lack of set routines
8) Self-loathing

Here is what I did well on:

1) Exercise
2) Wearing hair open at home
3) Vitamin Supplements

Oh my gosh, I can completely relate to your list of what you did poorly. Those things definitely ramp up my urges and lower my motivation. I find that we have to be gentle on ourselves and maybe just work on one thing at a time. We have to not expect perfection and not beat ourselves up when we fall short of our goals. Simply achieving a few things each day can help. Perhaps you could write down what you've achieved at the end of each day, including eating a healthy meal and drinking enough water. I'm glad you did well with exercise and taking vitamins, what great things! Plus wearing your hair out. We can't expect to change everything at once, so I think you're doing great.

So this week I was working on setting good routines. It didn't work. So far I had kept my hair tugging at home. But for the first time, I caught myself tearing out my hair at work. I'm not working with food or anything like that, but still. When I saw the strands of hair cascading to the floor, I was nearly sick. It was so disappointing. And then I kept at it for a bit longer. I was so stressed about this new development that I couldn't stop. Say hello to a new tear site.

There is no one place I pull out my hair. I pull it out anywhere! Try to breathe, calm. As you noticed, beating yourself up over pulling causes even more pulling! We have to be gentle with ourselves. We cant undo the past, we can only focus on the present. Perhaps next time you find yourself pulling, try to notice what youre feeling in the moment. Are you beating yourself up? Feeling unworthy? Stressed? Im really trying to focus on changing my thought patterns and stop beating myself up so much. Im only human. No one is perfect.

I can't cover my bald spots. There's just too much. I'm shattered. It's just too much. Up until now it wasn't so bad. But I can't hide this anymore. It's humiliating. There's no beauty in this.

Big hugs Blissa... The effects of Trich are so devastating. Hug hug hug.

Now breathe, and know that you have some options. Can you afford a wig or partial wig, eg a topper? Real hair ones always look better than synthetic but they are more expensive. If you go that route I can help you try to find one.

Another option is to wear large headbands or head wraps.

There's a product called dermatch which can help, you can buy it here: http://www.dermmatch.com
I have used it often, you rub it into your scalp when your hair is wet. It lasts ages.

Now you could shave your head, but I wouldn't recommend it if you plan to grow your hair out again soon. People seem to really struggle with that. However if you're happy to rock a shaved head for a good amount of time, then it could be cool. Here's a link to a great YouTube video of a girl with trich who has a shaved head. She talks about her experiences with trich and shaving her head and how it's helped her. She's a lovely girl, she used to be on DS a long time ago and I also knew her on Trich World. http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=16KL-Vbk7Gc

I hope I haven't scared you. You don't HAVE to do anything. Having trich is not a shameful thing. It's a disorder, and millions of people have it.

Blissa, there are moments when just breathing right is overwhelming to me, as I am bad about shoulder breathing which brings on a lot of other situations. When you feel lost, just stop, pause, and appreciate your breathing. It will help you balance those pesky thoughts of ..., and help you find your path to healing.

When it comes to pull ... push. As much as you can. One tiny step in changing the process will help change the result since the usual reaction no longer fits. You are not alone in this, and I agree with C's suggestion about using what you feel most comfortable with.

You are beautiful, just as you are. Your hair does NOT define you. It is only a part of the whole you.

You can do this!

I hope you're ok. Perhaps what I wrote was too intense. Thinking of you.. I agree with mid, our hair does not define us.

C: Nothing you wrote was too intense. I read and reread it all. And I feel like I can move on now. I just needed time to cry, get mad, be disappointed, and resolve all that self-resentment. It took some time to stop and think about what I was feeling. I know now, that "self-doubt" and "overanalyzing" are the primary reasons I yank my hair out. I second guess myself to the point that I lose any sense of who I am as a person. Then I analyze every action, every word and every interaction until I am so upset that I give in to the urge. I think that for me, the key in battling trich is in making myself feel safe. If I feel safe and grounded then hopefully I will beat this.

Mid: I like that. "When it comes to pull...push." I can't let my hair or lack of hair define me.

I am me, if only because I don't know how to be anyone else. With or without my hair, I am me.

You sound like you're approaching this very well. I can really relate to everything you said about self doubt and over analysing being big triggers for you. They are for me too. Also feeling "less than", not good enough etc. Yes, feeling grounded, safe, and also confident in yourself and accepting of yourself is key. We can work on identifying these negative thoughts and replacing them with logical thoughts. We can do this!

C: It took me a few days before I could look in the mirror again and say "I am strong, lovely and confident". The first time I tried after my crisis was the hardest. I think that accepting myself is going to be a constant battle. It's easy for me to accept who I am when no one else is around. But the second I see a full head of gorgeous hair, I feel like I can't possibly love myself. Does seeing gorgeous hair ever get easier?
I like that you've made this "identifying negative thoughts" into a group project. We are helping each other find the ultimate weapon to battle this. It's like joining a questing party in an rpg. Haha. I think I may have found a new art book idea.

Hmm does seeing gorgeous hair ever get easier? Probably.. Maybe.. If we really start to focus more on things that matter like being kind, working hard, etc. I know I definitely get jealous of people with nice hair. But I know they probably have other areas they're insecure about.

Tehe I had to look up "questing party" and "rpg". Yes it is like that! Let's get our prize :)

How are you doing Blissa?

Hi C,

I'm okay. I've been facing a lot of stress at work and home. Life is never what we expect it to be. I've been combating the stress with lots of sleep and plenty of nutrition. That has helped greatly. For the past couple weeks I haven't lost too much hair at all. I've chosen to make the most prominent focus in my life "budgeting". Budgeting money, time, food and even the amount of emotion and anxiety I can expend on a particular problem...This method of coping is very precise and doesn't always leave too much computer time. I'm just trying to make things a little more predictable and stable for myself. We will see if the budgeting idea is sustainable.

Blissa

Hi. I'm sorry to hear things are a bit tough at the moment. I know how that feels! It's do great you're doing lots of self care by getting lots of sleep, a good diet, and managing your stress and time. I'm trying to focus on those things too. I'm finding it's really paying off.