I can your anxiety from here, or maybe it's mine. I am struggling to find the proper way to tell my family.

There is a community around you that can understand what you are going through, never be afraid to ask for help when it's needed.

Ahhh looking for edit button, fingers were moving faster than the brain.

I can feel your anxiety, is what I had intended to write

Spiffy,

I know this is not going to be helpful in the way you think but in a way it is. Perhaps it would be a benefit to you to know that (I learned this the hard way) the universe has a way of solving our problems in a manner we least like.

You expressed that you kept it a secret for good reasons but that in itself is a problem because secrets always have a way of getting out.

You are an adult now, there is nothing they can do to you to jeopardize your well being save for not ever talking to you. Specially if you are not close to any particular family member.

I hate to say it but we as a group need to be a tad less emotional and more practical, life is hard enough. Why bring more drama into our lives? I ask.

You will lose friends, it is a given whenever we change anything in our lives, change is part of life. Now that the cat is out of the bag, consider it a gift because now you no longer have to hide and you can live your life as you wanted, all along.

Sometimes we view these events as tragedies when they are not. These are blessings in disguise. Perhaps you could ask yourself what is behind the contradiction regarding the loss of people you are not particularly close to.

Take a deep breath and perhaps now you can start making plans to live your own life. Remember that whatever they say, it has nothing to do with and everything to do with their fears and ignorance.

There is no proper way, there is however, your truth to be said as you see it. That they may choose to ignore it, dismiss it or downright ridicule it is irrelevant. It is your truth and that is more than enough.

Hope this helps,
Wolf

They are family, I may not be close to them but I still support them. I am very conciliatory by nature and don't wish for drama or negativity. But this something that I cannot fix so easily. I did not want it to end like this

Spiffy,

You are missing the point, you did nothing wrong therefore there is nothing to fix. Think of it this way, even if you had told them with huge musical number to lessen the blow, they would still have a bad reaction.

Look at how they reacted to your sister's news of being bi. Perhaps, this may be a time to reconsider your views on family. if all it takes is being bi for them to react with such hostility, are they really a family you want to keep? Let alone try to please, that is not a family, it is simply a war zone.

You can support them from a distance, being conciliatory is most definitely not a healthy way to live one's life. As I said, this may be a blessing in disguise. Maybe this is the universe's way to kick your butt so that you can start asserting your rights as you so darn deserve. Fear will never be your friend, it will steal everything from you. Courage on the other hand, simply takes away everything you do not need and opens doors fear kept from you.

Been at this longer than I care to tell, transition cleaned house like nothing else could have, lost all those hostile jack wagons in my family who only cared about me pleasing them, for what? It was never goof enough anyway.

Once they were gone, my life changed for the better. A life worth living is not without pain at first.

Hugs,
Wolf

The loss of everything I have is going to hurt a lot. My already small friend group is getting smaller. Some have told me it gets easier but I don't see that happening. Part of me is jealous of others that had it relatively easy, only big hurdle was the transition itself. I just don't know if I can handle this burden for long. As I said I could tolerate being ignored, being hated is something else entirely.

Speaking from a strictly philosophical sense, when one has nothing left to lose all they can do is gain, so I guess it _has_ to get better at some point and in the event your friends all walked away, there would only be room to gain new and likely better ones. As for being hated, that is a tricky one because IF someone hates you, they don't actually hate you, they hate an aspect, In this case the concept of transgenderism, and hate as a generality comes from ignorance so they are actually hating their own ignorance not you. Of course all of this is likely little consolation but I am not willing to use the clich responses and say it will be okay and such because you have likely heard it before. What I can say is that no ones transition is easy in any way. Regardless how many explosions actually occur we tend to be our own nastiest critics through the entire thing. Even if things don't turn out as losing everything we have already lost it before we made a move as in our heads we knew it was going to happen and spent a great deal of time fretting over it. It is entirely possible that the family members you speak of could have learned something in the matter of your sister and have become a small bit more open. What that does not mean is that it is an easy thing for them to choke down. They will likely need time to process it no matter their reaction. In the mean time since they are breaking federal law (see NOTE for what I mean) by snooping through your email anyway, why not see to it they find educational information. Perhaps they can learn something that will change some views. In any case, should the worst happen in this scenario, your sister proved they won't hate you as they eventually talked to her again. When you hate someone, you don't ever talk to them again. So where it feels horrible now, it may be a bit better than you think and has the potential to be even better than you can imagine. You won't know until the whole thing has run its course. Your friends, any friend that walks away is not a real friend and yes I know I said no clich statements, but that one is fact. Odds are you are refusing to meet new people because of this horrible secret you have been hiding that has now come to light and if you shared it with new friends it may get out to everyone else. Well cat is out of the bag, so regardless of how it turns out right now, it leaves you open to meet others and they can know right away. It is also entirely possible those friends are simply processing still. If you don't educate them or put yourself out there, they will continue on what they know and still hit the same cognitive errors they always had. I understand that they may not want to listen, but the fact is, they will hear it, and by way of having to hear it, they will have to process it. The brain is funny that way. You will be the one who creates your reality during this entire thing and for the rest of your life. You can either see the sky falling to the ground to crush you or the ground moving up so you can touch the sky. That choice is entirely yours. That said, I do hope things turn out better than you currently fear and there is always hope, it is just a question of whether or not you choose to look and see it. *huggles*

NOTE: Accessing another persons computer, account, email, or other password protected data is against united states federal law and is considered hacking. This includes accounts to which the owner has given you the password. Those accounts can only legally be accessed upon the express permission of the owner for that incident and for the reason that the owner specifies. I just wanted to throw that out there because cyber crime of the nature you mentioned really pisses me off. They had no business going through your stuff for ANY reason short of an investigation because something bad had happened and even then it would be law enforcement and not them doing it. My family, my fiance, my friends know that if for any reason they look through my stuff they can expect me to act accordingly and to the fullest extent of the law. Your personal information is yours and YOU have control of it.

It wasn't email, it was personal delivered mail that was open. The entire dynamic of the home life has now changed. It just sucks really, I didn't want it to turn out like this.

Some people at work asked if I was okay, and said regardless of what happens I have their support. So that too makes me feel a little better. Considering the one who said it first I thought hated me. So that was pleasant surprise. It doesn't feel so dark now, but I still feel terrible. It can never go back to how it was I can only move forward. What happens now I can only try to outlast and make it to the end.

well opening someone else's postal mail is just as illegal if not more, so yeah enough said on that since I kinda covered it in the last one. Again the dynamic you feel may simply be a result of them processing what is going on and not really knowing how to approach you. In their mind you are now someone new and no who they knew. The reality is that is completely untrue because really all that changed was the illusion they created of you in their mind, but it takes time to deal with that element. You will have supporters in the strangest places and often the places you last expected to find them. I found some supporters in enemies of mine remarkably. They are still my enemies but they have also stood up for me, so that was a bit odd to me, but I was greatful. These are people who my entire life picked on me and beat the snot out of me every chance they got, they hated every fiber of who I was and one even tried to kill me (obviously he failed) yet in this they chose to stand up for me. Don't really get it, but hey, I guess its best to have someone like that as a guardian than ones who wouldn't act. Again when things seem bad, they are never as bad as we think, and when they are good they are never as good as we think.

Well at least this thread and talking to others is helping so I'm not dwelling on it. I woke up far to many times last night and thoroughly exhausted today. When I chatted with the crisis hotline last night, I was that close, they gave me a link that linked me here. To which I am very thankful.

Glad it is helping you some. its definitely not an easy thing and many in this situation don't make it which is sad because things do change, they do evolve and more times than not do get better over time. This can be with regards to relationships, money, jobs, you name it. So I am glad you came :D

You're not alone in losing the "support" of family members - a lot of us face that. I lost any connection with two of my brothers, their wives, my niece, and my sister because they couldn't accept me. I never was close to any of them, but it still hurt to be cut off. However, I decided I was better off without them, since they rejected who I really am, and have found myself freer to be myself.

I was surprised that my mother was my biggest supporter; and one brother has stood by me despite his wife's disapproval. My grand-neices seem to be taking it in stride, despite their parents' discomfort with me - and even they are getting used to things now.

For some people, it just takes time to see that you are still you - just not the gender they had always thought you were. Others never do seem to come to terms with it - and some refuse to face it at all.

I have let go of the ones who have cut me off, no real loss there.

As you stop worrying over how others react and get on with becoming yourself, things DO improve - because as they see you becoming happier in your true self, they either come around and accept it, or they leave completely.... in which case, they never were really there for you anyway.

Painful as it is, sometimes you have to clear the clutter in life, and leave those who try to force you into their narrow idea of who you are behind. It's part of growing into your own person.

I was fully prepared to be completely kicked out of my family when I told them... I knew they would likely kick me to the curb over this. I had even decided to change my entire name, to allow them that complete a level of disconnection with me. Thankfully, that didn't happen. Now, my relationship with my mother has grown by leaps and bounds, as she gets to know the son she didn't know she had.

So, yes, it is painful, being rejected by family - who should be your support system as you face the changes. But you find other people who can - and do - step in to offer you support, thus becoming a new family - one where every member is a part by mutual choice, not by accident of birth. When you think of it, that's even better - that unrelated people choose to connect with you on such a deep level, offering of themselves.

Hopefully, at least some of your family will eventually come around - but it won't be overnight, so give it a lot of time. Meanwhile, look for those who may not be related to you, but are there for you anyway.

It is still all quiet and awkward here.

its only been a couple days. It takes some time for some people to wrap their heads around some things, so it may be that way for a lil while.

I realize that you are going through a difficult time, and I want you to know that I am here for you and I offer my assistance if you need it. Don't ever hesitate to call on me if you need help, or if you just need a hug. Its going to be alright you know... HUGGS :)

Ashley