Time Management Support Group
This community is devoted to helping those looking to improve their time management skills. Time management is commonly defined as the various means by which people effectively use their time and other closely related resources in order to make the most out of it.
I'm so lost and confused and I really have to sit and examine WHY?????
I mean, I am so frustrated that I make lists of what needs to be done and I can't seem to get anything done at all. And all this leaves me wondering about my life......what I'm doing, am I supposed to really be doing? I believe it to be, yes. But I am so unhappy and irritated. I have things I want to do and NEED to do....I have household things, kid related duties, etc.
I WANT TO DO MY PLAQUES, MY WOOD CARVING AND WOOD BURNING, I WANT TO READ, RESEARCH & LEARN, I WANT TO DO MY COUNSELING COURSE! These all NEED to do this stuff and WANT TO!
I've tried list making and I've tried using the hour/appointment list making method which was worse because something always took more time than I thought or an interruption threw it off so it seemed I was even further behind with even less accomplished. I returned to traditional list making. HOWEVER, it gets thrown off CONSTANTLY.
I list my "to do's" in priority order (1) Daily Bible Study for 1 hr (2) Discipleship Course (3) Ministerial Counseling Course (4) any calls that require to be made (5) household things such as dusting, etc. (6) appointments I have to keep.......You get the picture, PRIORITIZE!
I'm just lost. I want to go back to bed, cover my head and scream, BUT I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT!
Today, I really thought today I would get caught up on my schooling (#1--#3) but babysitter backed out and I have grandson.
Now, I ADORE MY GRANDSON, but today was to be my day to actually get stuff done and a hair cut to boot! Instead, he's sick, runny nose, feels crappy, probably teething, so I sat rocking and conjoling till he finally crashed. Rushed to do my dishes and finish doing my book coverings (I use clear contact paper to protect my special books) and now I am playing phone tag with the pharmacy since this AM.
My family states "if you didn't do all that volunteer stuff" BUT HONESTLY, I ONLY DO APPX 3 DAYS PER MONTH!!!!!!! It's my family/household demands that keep my life so screwed up and the life sucked out of me. I crawl to bed at 10 PM and if lucky asleep by 11 PM and I get up about 4:30 AM or 5 AM. I get the boys up at 6 AM and out the door to school by 6:30 PM. Well, if you read my entry "Did I pass myself?" at DS journal you'll know what some of my to-do's are and that's just 2 hours. Then my family wonders if I am grumpy once in a blue moon!
I just want off this "merry go round" and have a life that matters instead of running this treadmill life I'm living. I find myself getting very down over it all. On top of this I REALLY NEED AND WANT TO REPAINT MY KITCHEN.
I'm also paying for driving all day yesterday and knew I'd be down for 2 days because of that. Now I am down due to the all day driving and will be down another 1-2 days because of watching grandson as Dr. said not to do it any longer my back can't handle it. And yes, I am in P-A-I-N!!!
OK, gotta run. Grandson is still sleeping so I might get the pharmacy by now. I can only pray he sleeps a little longer and I can at least have a quiet cup of coffee.
I mean, I am so frustrated that I make lists of what needs to be done and I can't seem to get anything done at all. And all this leaves me wondering about my life......what I'm doing, am I supposed to really be doing? I believe it to be, yes. But I am so unhappy and irritated. I have things I want to do and NEED to do....I have household things, kid related duties, etc.
I WANT TO DO MY PLAQUES, MY WOOD CARVING AND WOOD BURNING, I WANT TO READ, RESEARCH & LEARN, I WANT TO DO MY COUNSELING COURSE! These all NEED to do this stuff and WANT TO!
I've tried list making and I've tried using the hour/appointment list making method which was worse because something always took more time than I thought or an interruption threw it off so it seemed I was even further behind with even less accomplished. I returned to traditional list making. HOWEVER, it gets thrown off CONSTANTLY.
I list my "to do's" in priority order (1) Daily Bible Study for 1 hr (2) Discipleship Course (3) Ministerial Counseling Course (4) any calls that require to be made (5) household things such as dusting, etc. (6) appointments I have to keep.......You get the picture, PRIORITIZE!
I'm just lost. I want to go back to bed, cover my head and scream, BUT I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT!
Today, I really thought today I would get caught up on my schooling (#1--#3) but babysitter backed out and I have grandson.
Now, I ADORE MY GRANDSON, but today was to be my day to actually get stuff done and a hair cut to boot! Instead, he's sick, runny nose, feels crappy, probably teething, so I sat rocking and conjoling till he finally crashed. Rushed to do my dishes and finish doing my book coverings (I use clear contact paper to protect my special books) and now I am playing phone tag with the pharmacy since this AM.
My family states "if you didn't do all that volunteer stuff" BUT HONESTLY, I ONLY DO APPX 3 DAYS PER MONTH!!!!!!! It's my family/household demands that keep my life so screwed up and the life sucked out of me. I crawl to bed at 10 PM and if lucky asleep by 11 PM and I get up about 4:30 AM or 5 AM. I get the boys up at 6 AM and out the door to school by 6:30 PM. Well, if you read my entry "Did I pass myself?" at DS journal you'll know what some of my to-do's are and that's just 2 hours. Then my family wonders if I am grumpy once in a blue moon!
I just want off this "merry go round" and have a life that matters instead of running this treadmill life I'm living. I find myself getting very down over it all. On top of this I REALLY NEED AND WANT TO REPAINT MY KITCHEN.
I'm also paying for driving all day yesterday and knew I'd be down for 2 days because of that. Now I am down due to the all day driving and will be down another 1-2 days because of watching grandson as Dr. said not to do it any longer my back can't handle it. And yes, I am in P-A-I-N!!!
OK, gotta run. Grandson is still sleeping so I might get the pharmacy by now. I can only pray he sleeps a little longer and I can at least have a quiet cup of coffee.
Ok, so I USED TO clean the whole house and have it done. Now, I just do the really gross got-to's and work my way down to least gross.
I also am learning that sometimes, yes SOMETIMES, you just have to say "screw it, I'm doing......" and do that. The world won't end.
I am painting my kitchen in sections due to time, interruptions & health issues but at LEAST it is getting painted. Is there some law that states it must be done in 2 days? Don't think so, as I am now on 4th wk and still have 1 1/2 walls to go. It should be done by Thanksgiving and the fact of my health, I am proud it is done at all!
Hugs to all, and remember....LISTS ARE NOT LAWS, THEY ARE JUST REMINDERS....
I think with something like painting a kitchen, the "law" you might have in the back of your head is recognizing the possible inconvenience it might be to have your kitchen not 100% functioning or having buckets of messy paint around with the food. People almost always have a horror of a time when they have contractors redo kitchens and baths. They like the crews to be in and out and have the inconvenience over and done with.
So I'm thinking a part of you might be groaning over that, but your other part of you is right, that there's no rule that says that it MUST be that way. Maybe it's not that big an inconvenience for you, or that you're OK about putting up with it because there are other things you'd also like to be working on and giving your attention to. If you don't mind and nobody else minds, I say let it take 6 weeks!
And I'd point out that turkeys cook in their own time too!
But whether you regard the todo list as binding or not it doesn't stop you from feeling bad every time you don't complete it.
The first thing you must do is treat yourself like your best friend and realise that some of your priorities are wrong you said you would like some time to just sit and relax drink a cup of tea of coffee and read a book this should be your number 1 priority.
Schedule it if you like 2 hrs personal relaxation time, 2 hrs cuddling with your husband. These are the things that make life worth living.
Next pick the thing that you have the most passion about, is it the art work, the carvings, councelling services, bible class.
Select the top 2 or 3 and dump the rest or at least greatly reduce how much you do.
Finally with the house work figure out the lowest level of cleanness acceptable for you and do that and no more. Of course if you invite friends round you can always do some more cleaning that day.
The key point is, look after yourself and pamper yourself before all else and you will be much happier.
Finally
So had to redo the WHOLE wall. ROFLOL My son asked what about the other wall? I said, son, it's on the other side of the room and no one will notice with the distance. So I have touch ups but that's it.
THANK GOD. I really must remember with FM & CFS any task is a mountain and therefore must be climed DAILY at a rational pace.
Hubby stated he could've painted the room in 2 days but as I stressed to him "I NEED TO DO THINGS FOR ME EVEN IF IT DOES TAKE LONGER SO I KNOW I CAN STILL DO THINGS." Make sense?
With limitations & adaptations in life, you still need to feel successful even if it takes you longer than others. It's the fact you ACHIEVED it.
And I think SimonM has a really good point! "Time for work, time for play, time for living, throughout your day!"
But no, I'm not sure I'm getting about the "need to do things for yourself even if it does take longer." A good boss (and I like to think we're bosses of ourselves) knows how to delegate. To try to do everything you do entirely by yourself... well no wonder it takes a long time!
Wendyhi is right but you need to understand how to delagate, the most important thing you have to learn right now is.
PERFECTIONISM IS THE ENEMY!
So get others to do stuff let them screw up and still praise them for doing it. So a sweater got screwed up when your hubby tried to do the washing, so big deal, let him ruin another and another until he gets it right and all the time tell him that he is so good for doing this.
Never ever, make others or yourself feel depressed about physical things it is not worth it. This is why so many people are so miserable so much of the time.
Reality is perception, look into your heart to see the truth.
You said that your faith is an important part of your life. God has no interest in things, he is only interested in us.
That's so funny you should say that... it was always very hard for my parents to delegate things. I can hear my father gasping at your suggestion of ruining sweaters until you get it right--"Don't you realize these things cost money?" He was always worried about us kids breaking things, messing with things....
But I think it's a great idea--find a bunch of "practice laundry!" Or fer Heaven's, it's just a sweater and not something irreplacable.
And I know that "merry-go-round" feeling! You wind up doing all these things you have to do, half of them are obligations and the other half are things you would really like to get to for your own life. And the obligations keep mounting and threating to take over so that you have no room for yourself. And that's when it hits you: just how many of these obligations do you feel you really want to be responsible for?
You are exactly right the word obligation is horrible to me 'I hate it!'
My solution is to try to find a way so that everything you do, you do willingly I know this sounds impossible but you need to find a way.
The answer I believe is to figure out what matters. You have to balance the work you have to put in with how important the result is to you.
For example is it necessary to clean the house twice a week or is once a week enough. Is it necessary to spend a long time cooking a meal every day or can you somtimes just cook some stuff out of a can some days or a microwave meal. Do you need to wash the car twice a week or is once a week enough.
Another important point is not always to tell other people how to do a task you can give advice but not act like a supervisor. In the end if a task is delegated it should be that persons responsability.
If you do not take this attitude then either you end up either doing the task yourself or making the life of the person you deligated the task to, miserable.
Life is too short to go through it with the feeling of being obliged to do things all the time.
These are all bad words in my book and should be eliminated.
OBLIGATION
DUTY
REQUIREMENT
EXPECTATION
You need to replace them with
helping
trust
cooperation
willingness
It may take time and alot of thought to reorganise your life like this but it is the best investment you will ever make.
haha Wow! I did not know I had a long lost sibling, but from the way you speak, I know I must!
Yeah I agree with what you say about finding a way to do things willingly, not begrudgingly. I don't know that I hate the word obligation, because I'd think the trick is to take on obligations willingly. Nobody likes to be forced into an obligation. And I suppose there are some obligations that you have to take on regardless of of you feel about them...but I think it's important that at least some of them be your choice rather than sombody else's.
And it's so funny you should use the phrase "act like a supervisor" There are a lot of supervisors, "big brothers" in my family. The word that came to my mind was "foreman".
I really don't want to be a supervisor/foreman nor do I particularly want to be a part of a work crew. I think Life is bigger than that. But I think some people like a little more supervision, a little more hands on intervention,guidance. Sometimes it's good to have someone delegate your work to you, assign you a manageable "to do" list, because it might be hard to know just how much you can reasonably take on. I'd think that might be what worries FIC (big hugs FIC).
My thought is, yes, sometimes you need guidance with a task some hands on supervision, but the aim should always be to get the person you are training (if you like) to a point where they don't need supervision.
Stop and think about it for a moment, in a factory what is the supervisor to worker ratio. Usually 1 in 10 max.
It is simply not efficient to have one supervisor to one worker. In that case you really are better off doing the job yourself.
I agree with you. But that I'd think is probably most generally the feeling of the supervisor. And we're not talking about actual jobs here, we're talking about people who might have an emotional need to have that added supervision. I think people can have various comfort levels for autonomy. And comfort is not always efficient. That's why I'm thinking there might be other factors to consider.
Like I am on a couple volunteer advisory boards to keep me "busy" and here I was so looking forward to the 3 day conference when BAM! Down I go. Had to change meds and all I did get done was rest.
I'm getting to the point of not wanting to offer to do anything even for myself (arts/crafts) because I get slammed down from nowhere and stuff just gets piled up and undone.
I did get the kitchen finished. Just a touch up or two. YEAH FOR ME. Yes, it took about 1 month, and hubby said he could've done it in 2 days but I assured him I NEEDED TO DO IT MYSELF to prove I am still able to do somethings even if it takes longer.
Don't patronize yourself. You're irritated with yourself and frustrated... OK sure, but what happened to the part about "wondering about my life......what I'm doing, am I supposed to really be doing?"
I understand if you are upset because your health issues make you more unreliable than you'd like to be, but that means then that you have to figure out how to compensate for your health so that you can be the kind of reliable person you'd like to be.
I think you're already kind of saying that with the comment "I NEEDED TO DO IT MYSELF to prove I am still able to do somethings even if it takes longer." So I think you're trying to be a viable active person (which is very praise-worthy)but that means that you must strive to take your health issues into consideration each day so you don't end up hurting yourself instead of doing something positive. So in that case, it might mean taking on fewer activities, advising others that you might finish up later than you thought due to your health. That way you will be seen as both helpful and reliable.
I went off one of my meds and began a new one and so far, so good. Hopefully, it seems to be making me a little more "me". However, that does not excuse the fact that I must review what needs done daily & weekly then budget my bodies abilities accordingly.
Thanks a big bunch. PS, soon as I rest up, my son's room only has 1 wall that needs painted, guess what I will be doing SLOWLY but SURELY when my body says to.
I don't think you have things backwards at all. Sometimes you have to wait for God to offer help, and other times all you have to do is ask!