Stillbirth Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.
Today it has been 5 wks since we lost our baby boy, Hunter. I feel like everyday I find myself counting the days he has been gone and where I should be in my pregnancy right now. Today especially I find myself going over all the events of the day that lead to the worst nightmare of my life the loss of our son. I was seen by my doctor the on Wednesday where he listened to Hunter's heartbeat and it was strong. He checked my uterus and it was closed. Sent me home with the recommendation to rest and drink lots of fluids. That night I started having stomach pains about 9 o'clock went to bed and had a hard time sleeping because I was so uncomfortable and having menstral like cramps. The next morning my husband took me to the hosp and I was already dilated to 2. They said the cause of losing, Hunter, was a placental abruption. I just keep thinking did I fail my son? If only I had gone into the hospital the night before would they have been able to stop contractions? Would I now be 28 wks into my pregnancy, perhaps on bedrest but non the less with Hunter still in my belly? Was I responsible for his loss? Am I to belame? It had to be something I did wrong right?
i think we are all guilty of blaming ourselves, or trying to find a reason for our loss. I think its a natural part of the grieving process.
In your situation im sure there was nothing that could of been done by yourself or the hospital, and your did everything you could.
Give yourself time to grieve and live the pain, and in time it gets easier to deal with.
I lost my daughter at 35 weeks 7 months ago now, and although i still miss her loads, i have found each day its been easier to handle the pain we feel. to deal with that pain i had to feel the grief and live the grief.
this group has helped us all so much, as we all truely understand your loss, so feel free to write to me any time you want to talk.
thinking of you,
Big hugs
love from helen xx
There is no way I will ever know if the outcome would be any different - and that is the only thing that keeps me from constantly blaming myself. That and the simple fact that I would have done anything for her if I would have known. We are all victims of unfortunate circumstances.
Even my mom was surprised the other day to hear that I had not yet totally forgiven myself. She and everybody else tells me that it was not my fault - I didn't know. But that's where my anger stemmed from, my lack of information (because I'm kind of a perfectionist). My mom told me that she could tell me it wasn't my fault until she's blue in the face - and I told her that it still probably would not help, because I think this is something that I have to get to on my own. I think once I finally forgive myself I will truly have come to a place of acceptance. I'm getting there little by little but it will take time.
The simple truth is that this is our reality, cold and harsh as it is. It was them instead of us. (Even though we would switch places if we could). We have to find a way to keep moving forward in this life, with our angels in our hearts and minds. I learned that it simply wasn't healthy for me to keep dwelling on what should be - because they aren't nor will they ever be. We cannot change the past. So we must learn to live with our present and hope for the future. But, it took time to get to that place.
I will pray for peace for you as you work toward a better tomorrow and find ways to live in the now. I have hope for you. ((Hugs!)) you'll get there!
You have to tell yourself that it wasn't you fault. Guilt is a natural reaction in this situation. We have all felt that way. Just know that it was NOT your fault. If there was anything you could have done to save your son, you would have done it. You could go crazy blaming yourself, so don't. ((Hugs))
I spent so much time blaming myself. If I had not taken the medicine... if I'd insisted on being delivered when my heart started acting crazier than normal... I've finally realized that there was nothing I could do to save her.
Take each day as it comes... It has almost been 16 months since I've said hello and goodbye and my heart still aches as though it were only yesterday.
My heart aches for and with you.
Stay Strong!!
Nneka