Last week, at 39+4, I went to the doc and they coudn't find a heartbeat. I was send to L&D and long story short, had to be induced and give birth to my dead baby. It was easily the worst day of my life. Doc found no apparent reason and I had a next to perfect pregnancy. He said some things medicine just cannot explain. I ate right, did not drink or smoke, exercised, was within the right weight gain range. We even did amnio. I am at a complete loss. This was my rainbow baby - after having suffered a miscarriage 7 years earlier (at 8 weeks). But this was way worse as it was only 3 days before my due date.  I was put on bedrest at 34 weeks and told to get steroid shots to boost baby's lungs since all my docs thought he'd be born at 36 or 37 weeks. I wasn't dilating at all though he was 90% effaced. I have no words to express how sad and angry I am. We had everything ready for him - 3 baby showers, nursery ready, had just washed all his clothes, sterilized his bottles and put car seats in our cars. While everyone walked out with their newborn - and one couple with our same car seat/stroller - we had to leave our baby in the morgue and sign a death certificate. I usually find solace in prayer but I cannot this time. It seems like a cruel joke. God did not protect my baby in the womb. He let him die. I am angry and upset and just feeling really down. I am terrified of having another pregnancy end this way. They say it happens less than 1% of the time. I was the 1%. And while everyone gets their new baby - and I have about 6 friends who are preggo right now, I get to plan a funeral and decide on autopsies and what to do with my baby's body. I didn't get to see him open his eyes, hold my finger, cry, smile, hiccup, nothing. Just hold his lifeless body in my hands. Today I spent the day looking at caskets and burial sites at the cemetery when this should have been a time I was welcoming a new baby in my life. I am terrified of this happening again in another pregnancy. There is simply no explaining how very terrible this is.