I just wanted to add that that sounds incredibly depressing. I am happy most days, I was only ranting about the bad days, please don't post and tell me to get on meds. Healing is a process... Hugs, and thanks for listening to me be crazy :)

I am sorry you are feeling down. Everyone grieves in ther own possible way and thier own time limit.Hugs that you feel better

You are not crazy. I hope your bad days are few with enough good days between them. You can rant here anytime :) (hugs)

I feel the same way you do so no judgement here...we have actualy had to cut people out of our lives that are less then supportive and give bs comments about it being gods plan for us and we need to move on...they have no right and no idea what we are going through.

I couldn't agree more - drinking helps me more than anything else has, call it good, bad or indifferent, i really don't care. You have to look out for yourself, and only YOU know what works and what does not.
Keep your head up, like you said, it's a learning process. There's no manual for "grieving the loss of your one and only child." If you need anyone to talk to, i'm always here.
Hang in there.

I agree...nobody has the right to tell us how to act or grieve! Hate to mention "counselor" but mine didn't bat an eye when I told her I've been drinking more...she expected me to!

So the next time you pour your drink there is a pretty good chance i'm drinking with ya in southwest PA!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sorry about your bad days. But glad to hear that you are also having some good days too. You are right that your friends can possibly understand what you are feeling. They don't understand that you are still hurting and have not 'moved on' like they might expect you to.
All of the stuff you wrote in this post, maybe you should write something like this to your friends and family. Maybe they need a reminder that you live this grief every day. When I first lost my daughter, I send out a mass email to my friends and family explaining the situation and letting them know how to interact with me, what to say/not say. I got great feedback from people that admitted they didn't know what to do or how I felt.
If you think your friends would be receptive to something direct like that, then think about it. It's easy to be upset with them for being insensitive, but they probably don't even realize it. Maybe they need to be told that certain things bother you (that you don't want to hear them complain about their kids, etc). Be honest with them. The true friends will understand and adjust their behavior. The ones that are offended or don't care, well, they aren't a true friend anyway...
Keep smiling :)

I feel the same. We have thrown down a few too because I need a break from the hurt. Cheers to you feeling better. They don't know what it is like but we do.

I am sorry=( Drinking has been helping me too, so know you are not alone!

We all have our bad days... It is a slow process and a long journey through grief there is no time limit. The ones who mention counseling and rehab and all the things you should do are usually the one's that don't want to deal with what we have gone through. They can't deal so they want us to suffer in silence. Keep up your progress at least you recognize what you have been through and are dealing. Sending you light and love during those dark times.

sophia ... i have been feeling the same way you are for the past 23 YEARS!! yes 23 years!! Joseph would have been 23 this April, and the pain remains forever... it changes, and shifts, and you move on thru life, but it has been a struggle for me, and will be till the day i die!! sorry i cant make you feel better i can only say your normal and your feelings are real.... take it one day at a time.... ~stinke~

cheers to that!

you are not alone. the first thing my counselor did was try to put me in a CDRP class (basically AA but without all the religion is how they put it). I was infuriated as I only drink during stressful times and to help me go to sleep. (meds don't work for me and they're not good to be taking when I'm TTC anyways) this is stressful and trying to put me in one more group to see more counselors isn't going to help. I see enough as it is. I go to wrk job stress even though I haven't yet went back to work. I was in a class for two weeks for suicidal thoughts. I easily see over 5 therapists, psychologists, counselors and have about 4 appointments a month. Not to mention I am going to SAND(support after neonatal death), compassionate friends, and sharing parents support groups. So i understand you not wanting to hear about going to counselors or getting on meds or that you're an alcoholic. We have been through the most tragic thing in our lives and we will cope and navigate through this hell the best we can manage. I have lost friends along the way or make it a point not to talk to others because of their insensitivity or lack of empathy. I want to tell them to go bury their baby and see how they'd feel. To be told what you want on the headstone cannot be placed on there exactly as you'd like it to be. I have even had issues with my fiance because he wants me to be better. I know he wants to take away my pain but this is just something that will not go away. I told him to trust me that I will not starve myself, I just need to grieve and feel how I feel. And that if he wants me to come lay down with him and cuddle then tell me that he misses me and wants me to get in bed and not demand that I go get in the bed and go to sleep. I can deal with him better though than I can with others telling me how to do it especially when they haven't experienced this themselves.

I am so glad that you were able to say all this and get it all out. It's great that we have this place to come and rant.

You're right - they don't have the right to tell you how to grieve, only you know what you can handle in any given day, you are the one having to live it and there is no right way. I hear so much strength in those words, especially the part about Baby Steps. I hope that strength continues and that more good days than bad are ahead for you.

That is a great rant, and I hope it helped you! I love me my big BOWL of wine most nights.
It is terribly annoying and condescending when people give advice as if they have been "there"--and even when they have been in very similar situations it can still do more harm than good. All we can really do is try to be there for each other. I hope you have some true friends/family who just listen (and drink with you!).