I just feel like I need to reach out to some other step-parents tonight. Im concerned about my step-daughter and Im not sure how I can help her. The situation is complicated. Ive been with her dad since she was two and she and I have always been very close. Ive always loved her as my own child. Her parents have a bitter history together which has been fueled mostly by her mothers alcoholism and her fathers resentment due to emotional abuse and neglect. The mother has a lot of issues and has always made things difficult.

Anyway, when I was first with her dad either her mother was not drinking or it was not obvious. She had already had a battle with cirrhosis of the liver and was supposedly in recovery. We lived a good distance away from each other, and so I never saw her often enough to observe, but now I sometimes wonder if she wasnt drinking all along. She drinks vodka like water.

I dont want to spend too much time on details, but it has been difficult. Her mom started doing some really dangerous stuff and we were forced to start a court battle for custody; it was a very ugly ordeal. My husband truly hates this woman and with good reason. There was a time I thought he exaggerated, but she really is very cruel and vindictive.

Anyway, my step-daughter came to live with us primarily and one day, a little over a year ago, her mom came for a visit; she picked her up from school and was in a very serious car accident with her. It was terribly traumatic for my step-daughter, but she was alright physically. Her mom was less lucky, and spent some time in the hospital and then in rehab. Needless to say, we have full custody now.

Today we got some bad news. The excessive drinking has caused esophageal cancer. She is going to start chemotherapy, and will have a surgery in a few months, but the prognosis is not good. I read online that 80% of patients diagnosed with this die within a year.

So now Im in a really tough spot. My step-daughter is fourteen now and distancing herself from her dad and I anyway. She says she hates her mom, but thats not true. She loves her and she is torn up, but she doesnt want to show her feelings. It doesnt help that her dad and mom have such animosity for each other. I want her to talk to me, but that isnt what she is going to do. She doesnt share her feelings and I know it isnt good for her to keep it all bottled up.

I dont know how to help her. I dont think it helps to be the step-mom when it comes to something like this either. Her mother is dying. How can I get her to open up? I was the same way when I was her age I didnt ever want anyone to comfort me, but I hate to just ignore this and pretend it isnt happening.
Shes been in therapy before and does not want to go back again. I dont want to force that, but I know she need support. I'm clueless.

Any advice is appreciated.