I find prenups even in better circumstances to be concerning. Prenups mean their is no trust. I think you should talk to your soon to be husband, tell him how you feel. Your feelings count and should be taken into consideration. You should not be left with nothing. I wouldn't sign a prenup especially if you have not been taken into consideration. I really feel for you what you are going through. Don't let them win it's about your life with your soon to be husband. I would talk to him let him see that your feelings have been hurt. They are being selfish and inconsiderate. Big hug to you.

Thanks purplecloud. Its hard to work with them everyday. So I'm going to start taking a small paycheck so I can feel somewhat independent. I still don't know if I'm going to stay with him or not yet. We will see. Thanks again.

You have to think about your future. It's important he understands. I know the step children take a lot of our energy and make us sometimes feel worthless. We have to remember not to allow them to get to us. Hard to do sometimes I know. Hope things work out. Big hug to you.

I think prenups are a great thing - just about necessary for a second marriage with kids from the first - .... but you absolutely need to be taken care of too.

Do not continue on the way things are. I had a friend who did not marry but made her bf the center of her life and had no other means of support, etc. She got rid of her house and furniture and moved in with him. Then he died and she was tossed on the street in a heart beat and had no furniture and no money, etc. At least if you are married you have some rights.

You absolutely must look out for you!

I agree fuzzybunny,thanks. You are so right and I haven't been able to get that out of my head. The thought of "what if somethig happened to him" or even if our relationship didn't work out. I would be homeless and jobless with two kids to support. Completely different thinking than before all this talk.

Before I knew that I was being supported but I also knew by managing all his books and working for him, I felt like I was earning my keep so to speak. Now everything is different. And what upsets me the most is that frankly I wanted to meet a man I could fall in love with and marry. Now I'm not even sure how long we will last. Its like the child support comment from hs boys, I guess I just thought that when we got married we would face everything as a team. Whatever happened financially, health-wise or concerning our kids. Its sad but I'm going to have to go back to work. I have no choice.

Second and third marriages are tougher than first ones all around, that's for sure. If I were in your shoes ldab, I would make sure that I was earning enough to support myself and my children. If the work you do for SO's company allows that, great. If not, try to find a second job to cover the difference.

I don't think you let them win, I think, in all honesty, that you were saved from being in a very difficult situation. With a pre-nup that had everything in SO's name, and no income of your own, you and your children would be totally dependent on your SO and the steps. Not a good situation, either for you or your children. Take this time to regroup for yourself, then re-evaluate how you want your relationship with SO to be (or if you want it to be).
Hugs your way
Pam

DEFINATELY time for you to start getting a paycheck!!!

Elope!

I liked the comment ..."elope".......I was going to suggest if you and your fiance wanted to get married, go do it quietly and not even say anything.

His kids sound selfish....they don't want to share the estate with you. This is what I am assuming. the silent treatment....that is so stupid....I get that from my stepkids....one of them is 23 , he is getting worse as he gets older.....I tell my hubby he is having a hissy fit.

This is what my FIL did when he married for the second time.

He married his current wife......they have one child together. And he has 3 kids from his first wife.....they were adults when he married his second wife. He has life insurance and investments.....he has it in his will that some of his things will be given to his 3 kids from his first marriage, and then arrangements for his current wife and their son, who is now 21.

It is so clear cut. He has taken care of both sides. It is in his will on how he wants it done. he has told my husband, who is 47 and the oldest child what his wishes are....and he expects my husband to carry them out......hubby understands and will abide by his wishes.

You do definitely need to draw a paycheck and you should not be left out in the cold....if you are doing a lot for the business....YOU ARE PART OF THAT BUSINESS!!

I know it is stressful for your fiance...but he needs to tell his kids they are ADULTS and they need to grow up and respect him. He needs to call them out and tell them that they are being selfish...they are looking out for themselves, NOT HIS HAPPINESS!

If you make your fiance happy....then they should be happy for him.


I really do like how my FIL handled it.....unfortunately, for my husband's kids....they are like your fiances...very selfish.

I don't have a prenup....I don't believe in them....my personal feeling on that is that there is no trust that the marriage is going to last. I would do a living will/trust.

I have control over my husband's financial stuff ....fortunately, I am a nice enough person, where I would not leave my stepkids out....but there have been days I would leave them out in the cold!!!! And I made sure I was on deeds/pink slips, etc. We are partners . His kids would make sure I was destitute if something happened to hubby.

Bottom line...they should be thankful that you can make their father happy!

Sometimes I wonder if adult children are worse than little children.

I think they are KRenae. I only say that because my kids 9 and 16 were forced from day one to be respectful. The rule has always been you don't have to like him but you will be punished for being disrespectful to him. With this rule my kids gave up trying to fight the situation and had no choice but to get to know him, and eventually like him.

The grown kids, were too old to force respect. So I never got my chance. Not even now. I have decided to focus on work outside his shop. I own a distributorship and even though I HATE selling...I'm going to try to make a go of it for money.

All the comments have been great though, they have really made me think. And honestly when I get really angry at his boys(grown men) I have tried to stop and be thankful. Thankful that I didn't get myself into a marriage with a man whose kids won't accept me.

I will just keep praying everyday. Thank you for your comments!

the adult children need to stop worrying about what their father is doing and take care of themselves. Nobody is owed an inheritance. It is a gift. His children sound spoiled and don't deserve a thing.

Thanks guys. I was doing okay till my "bf's" mom's bday yesterday. Everyone except his mom would leave the room if my kids and I came in. Then when no one else was around the oldest ss's girlfriend called me a stupid b____. I held it together...we were stuck there five long hours of sitting by ourselves....

But I won't ever do that agian. EVER!!!

Oh, I am so sorry you had to endure that with your children. My SS23 does that to me as well.....he refuses to be in a room with me.

what did your fiance say about this? Did he notice they left the room?

Part of me would tell you to just stay away from them.....as it is so stressful for you.....that's what I need to do....however, my stepkids don't want me around at all...even at family events......So, I still go....It is a small satisfaction to me that they are not winning that war.

But, that is only for a second.

My heart does break for you...because that is a sad feeling when someone walks out when you come in the room.

and shame on fiance....he needs to stand up for you on this one.

KRanae my fiance, bf whatever...just says his boys are shy. That has been the excuse for not acknowledging my presence since the beginning. So its accepted behavior for them to do that. I just really think I don't want to be a part of it anymore. I think its a slap in the face and my bf just stays with them and leaves me alone.

And yes I think the part that hurts the most is that ignoring me...letting the oldest ss girlfriend treat me like crap....Its all "ok" with him. It must be because he does nothing about it.

And of course the rules for my kids are different and it just doesn't seem fair. Sooo....the next time there is family get together....I'm not going. The next time the oldest ss and his mean girlfriend want a sitter I'm not dropping my plans to do it.

We are not getting married now because of them, and frankly I see no other reason to let them treat me disrespectfully. As far as work goes.....ouch that's a whole other problem. I've got to get the budget where he can afford to pay someone to do my job and try to get out of there too.

One day at a time, chin up, and lots of prayer! Thanks.

SHY? Sounds like he's in denial, or he doesn't want to bother with it. In any case, I think you're doing the right thing by taking care of yourself and your kids first. It sounds like its time to move on- with or without him. Don't give up finding a man you can be happy and grow old with. You deserve someone who will give you 110%.