Hi - It must be hard!!! - my husband still presents as a male and want to be the children's dad (at this moment in his life he is not ready to ever tell the children) but I know the future could be different. I agree with you that the hardest part is to be happy and not just pretend to be happy around other people. Is your husband fully transitioning? All I can say for now is to hang in there!

Aww. love, I do understand. I too want it all to go away, even though my guy doesn't even want to transition. It's hard enough just knowing that he dresses up and wears make up and fake boobs sometimes. I hope for your sake and for your little boy that you can find a a way through this. It's like wading through mud sometimes, though, isn't it?
Hugs xxx

I've been feeling the same, just sadness over losing him, and everything changing. I want to be ok with it, and sometimes I am, but the sadness always comes back.

Our son is over a year, and we've been trying to teach him to say "dada", but I found out recently that my partner is uncomfortable with that. He wants to be called Mum as well, but I can't cope with that, because I'm Mum, not him.

Hopefully we'll get over all this and find peace with it.

Confused, my heart goes out to you. This is a difficult and trying time. It doesn't compare to anything else in life. It's like grieving the lost of someone and yet sort of still seeing them or glimpses of them. As for your little boy, I think kids are adaptable and they accept the life they have as normal. When they become adolescents is when it might get difficult. You might want to cultivate a good male role model for your son early on. If your partner takes issue, then you need to explain your reasoning. I for sure have my opinions and reasonings, but they need to be yours. I think kids grow to love accept people, which is really what we all want, but I agree he needs exposure to male influences and role models.

Yellow Sub, OMG! I have to try real hard here not to get angry. I think if it were me in your situation, I would have to demand that you be called what you want to be called first as you are the mum. They can be whatever else is left, mom , momma, what ever, There are not to be two people with the same name. How confusing. That's like the TV show where they introduced: "This is my brother Darell and this is my other brother Darell." Crazy. I recently - last year - got hooked on the show The Fosters, not really knowing what it was about until I was hooked. But, they are a lesbian couple and one is mom and the other is momma. It works on the show, seems normal enough. Again, I think kids are resilient and accepting, but I would demand I be called what I want before they ever got to chose from the female identifications that related to me. If you chose mum, then he /she needs to chose something other than mum. But you get first choice as you are the MUM. Maybe your kids would call they by their new female name.
There's an option.

I do wish the both of you the best during this difficult time with your children. I know you are both grieving the image of the families you had, the pictures, the plans, the expectations. It's a real loss and you both should grieve it. But, then you need to focus on the new, teach your children to be accepting and loving, and nonjudgmental. The world really needs more people like that. We have enough haters and mean girls/boys all around. Your children might be the change the world needs.

Confused, this really sucks and I'm sorry for the situation you're in. The feeling you describe is like a kind of grief for the future you envisaged for your family as that's changed forever now. I hope that with compromise and love you can navigate your way through what's an incredibly difficult time. I agree that kids should have role strong role models and it's particularly important as they get a bit older.

YS, that's a blow and 17 has suggested some good compromises. Having said that, my daughter has a friend who has 2 mums and that's always been fine for them.

It's a huge adjustment for any relationship and probably even more so when you're also dealing with the challenge of a young family. Please try to enjoy them while they're little as those times fly by so quickly xx

Confused, you have only known like 2 or 3 weeks right? If it is any consolation, probably most of us were still a wreck at that point. And most would say that slowly, it DOES get better. I think I was still sobbing uncontrollably for at least the first two weeks and barely eating or taking care of myself. Thankfully we got into therapy right away and we also had many very uncomfortable conversations that often ended with me crying myself to sleep. And as painful as all that was, it was necessary to get us past that point and bring us closer.

That's not to say I still don't feel immense sadness sometimes. I do a lot. I think the difference is, now I can recognize I am having that thought and try to be more aware of what it is, why I am thinking that, and when I am lucky, I can will myself to be more positive. But I couldn't manage that for the first few weeks at all. Even so, my problem now is that I am completely lacking motivation to do anything. I think because I stopped thinking about the future because it is scary, but now I have nothing to look forward to or work towards. My therapist said she could teach me some "tools" to deal with this. At least I feel like I am progressing.

So even if you can mentally know that there is nothing inherently wrong with being transgender and there is nothing inherently wrong with a lesbian relationship and there is nothing inherently wrong with a kid having two moms, you still have to reconcile that with the fact that YOU did not want or choose any of those things for your life and you had hopes and dreams that were completely different. It is a wide gap to bridge. If it can be bridged, it will take time. Allow yourself to grieve over what you had hoped for but try not to let it make you bitter. No one is at fault. Allow yourself to be sad, but don't wallow in it for your own sake. Whatever happens, you and your son will be okay in the end.

I have a teenage son. When I think about it, he never had a male role model. Even if my husband had presenting as a man all these years, I have always been the one to show him how to fix stuff around the house, how to work on cars, to take him camping and hiking. But I know there are many other positive male role models in his life. I am not worried about him.

Try to find something, anything, that gives you pleasure, or at least eases the sadness, and make an effort to work it into your days, even if you have to start with really minor things like a good cup of coffee or a hot shower. Let yourself REALLY enjoy them and use them as anchors to take steps forward. It will get easier. If you let it.

*hugs*