Spouses of Transgender Community Group
Being transgender it's not easy but neither for their spouses. This group is created with the intention of helping and getting to know others that are in. the same situation or to just educate those that are on the other side of the fence and want to know how does it feel or how would it feel to be a spouse of a transgender person. The main objective of this group is...
First, let me say, I am not receiving updates on who responds to what or who posts new stuff. So thank you for the support and words.
Most definitely this is an abusive relationship. Not one purposely put on by my spouse, I don't think, but put on by society which he is following to a tee. I've been called controlling, I have been told I am attacking him by giving alternate information and opinions, I have been reminded over and over again that the pain he is going through is far worse than what I am going through. What about us? What about those of us who have lived with, who know our partners better than anyone else and sees what is really going on? Nope. Not our right to say anything contrary. We're anti-trans or transphobic if we even remotely voice the opinion of 'hey, this doesn't seem right.' I don't know how many men out there who are going through the same experience, but this feels like another woman thing. If that makes sense. We're supposed to be loving and accepting and understanding and we certainly don't know what we're talking about. We're just feeling 'hurt' or are 'very emotional' about it. Forget that we could actual be thinking, rational, objective human beings. No, the subject is just too close to home for us to see clearly.
How in the world are we supposed to fight this when we are already the underdog in so many other ways?
You all are awesome and it is so good to know that so many have gone through, are going through or are just starting to go through this. It isn't fair. Your pain is real. Your thoughts are perfectly valid.
I'm still fighting this. For once in my life, I am refusing to let someone else tell me I am wrong (baggage from previous relationships have carried over, I get that) about something I know more about than most people.
I don't think the outcome is going to go the way it should, because, well, it's a mental illness that everyone refuses to see.
Oh, here's an anecdote...my husband is on a trans Facebook page. Someone posted something about a transwoman who is, now after surgery, experiencing cramps. Everyone made jokes about it and someone said that it was a psychosomatic thing. Helllllloooooo? How is that any different than feeling like you "feel" like the opposite sex? Hypocrisy at its best, my friends.
Most definitely this is an abusive relationship. Not one purposely put on by my spouse, I don't think, but put on by society which he is following to a tee. I've been called controlling, I have been told I am attacking him by giving alternate information and opinions, I have been reminded over and over again that the pain he is going through is far worse than what I am going through. What about us? What about those of us who have lived with, who know our partners better than anyone else and sees what is really going on? Nope. Not our right to say anything contrary. We're anti-trans or transphobic if we even remotely voice the opinion of 'hey, this doesn't seem right.' I don't know how many men out there who are going through the same experience, but this feels like another woman thing. If that makes sense. We're supposed to be loving and accepting and understanding and we certainly don't know what we're talking about. We're just feeling 'hurt' or are 'very emotional' about it. Forget that we could actual be thinking, rational, objective human beings. No, the subject is just too close to home for us to see clearly.
How in the world are we supposed to fight this when we are already the underdog in so many other ways?
You all are awesome and it is so good to know that so many have gone through, are going through or are just starting to go through this. It isn't fair. Your pain is real. Your thoughts are perfectly valid.
I'm still fighting this. For once in my life, I am refusing to let someone else tell me I am wrong (baggage from previous relationships have carried over, I get that) about something I know more about than most people.
I don't think the outcome is going to go the way it should, because, well, it's a mental illness that everyone refuses to see.
Oh, here's an anecdote...my husband is on a trans Facebook page. Someone posted something about a transwoman who is, now after surgery, experiencing cramps. Everyone made jokes about it and someone said that it was a psychosomatic thing. Helllllloooooo? How is that any different than feeling like you "feel" like the opposite sex? Hypocrisy at its best, my friends.
A high number of transgender people have been diagnosed with schizophrenia. A high number of people with chromosomal anomalies have also been diagnosed with schizophrenia.
There is no scientific evidence that a person is actually born in the wrong body. In fact, it is being discovered that the brains of men and women function exactly the same, but because of society we are coerced into using or not using certain parts. Reading the accounts of the women on here with male to female transitioning spouses, recognizing the extreme similarities of behavioral patterns, has confirmed that it is an effect of a bigger mental illness.
Feeling you are something "other" is an excellent way to protect yourself from not being able to accept who you are along with hopes that you will be accepted by others, so that you may accept yourself. Denial of the facts and rational thought, any rational thought, is a huge problem with the transgender community in all areas of their lives.
Most of the people on here are angry with the system that has made transitioning a viable option, instead of helping people love themselves and helping them not feel they have to change. Most people in this group feel absolutely helpless while their spouses jump head first down the rabbit hole.
It is actually quite deplorable for you to come on here and accuse anyone of these people that they are the ones with an "issue" because they can't accept who their significant others think they are. Some of these women feel so guilty not being attracted to their husbands sexually or emotionally anymore. And for you to accuse any of them that they don't love or accept their spouses enough, well, shame on you.
the comment above pretty eloquently says it all for me. I would add that you are obviously in the beginnings of this new relationship? I'll bet 80%+ of the female spouses here of MTF TG's started off feeling exactly as you do. We started off supportive & eager & wore our rose colored glasses proudly. We also weren't likely out proudly as a spouse to a CD/TG. because no matter what we told ourselves to feel better about the confusion, we wern't exactly willing to commit to it by yelling from the rooftops our new dynamic. Are you proudly OUT there?
The anger YOU are feeling towards other's showing a not-so-glorious perspective is a clear sign of fear based convincing. I was there too. 18 yrs ago I went looking for support for my beloved and was also angry & put off with anything less than rosy. Afterall,. "What did these cranky bitches know about how sweet & wonderful my poor hurting husband is?" I also understand how your disdain for a perspective that is strongly negative , is actually fear. But because you may not want to believe that the outcome could be anything less than blissful, you throw it back onto those that are trying to advise you of something. I'm not even concerned so much about whether my story or viewpoint "helps" anyone at this point, I'm honestly just trying to climb my way out of a deadly, dark, depressing place that has consumed my life & genuinely went against my spirit, all in the name of "support". ,And yes, I too have thought the only solution was suicide. TG's aren't the only one's hurting in this process, I sincerely hope you are never on THIS end of it. It truly sucks.
Just because you may not be as open or nonjudgmental with others perspective, does not invalidate their truth. Everyone has a story to tell if you stop & listen.
peace & clarity to you,
LoveliesSleeping
At the start he had me convinced it's not a mental illness but I don't see how it could possibly be anything else. As far as I know there isn't a single physical test that can be done to confirm the presence of gender dysphoria. Which leaves it only to be a matter of the brain.
I get what you mean about him not lying and not TRYING to hurt us, but these same comments could apply to an addict or a person with bipolar disorder. They don't want to hurt the people they steal from, lie to and sometimes even physical abuse but guess what?? They DO. And addiction and bipolar, and several other mental illnesses cause pain and heartache for those closest to the one suffering.
Like I said, I really thought it was something other than a mental illness but over the past year since I have known it just doesn't seem plausible to me that it could be anything else.
There is too much evidence just from observation to say otherwise.
What these selfish men don't understand is that if we turned the tables on them... they would have RAN, not walked... full on SPRINTED their asses out of the relationship. When I asked him how he would feel if I cut my hair and grew chest hair and a beard, how he would feel... he looked at me so shocked... as if it was the most insane thing he has EVER heard.... really buddy? Because you can't see it from anyone else's point of view. Of course they like themselves as women.... THEY LIKE WOMEN!!! So when he puts on a pair of heels... it's like he's fantasizing of another woman... in the mirror. It's so sick and narcissistic.
It is definitely unhealthy for someone to have that sexual proclivity.