I have been trying to figure out the Why me. This can't be normal. The select few that know can't give me any advice. I feel lost, hurt, alone and my best friend husband is no more.

My husband and I have been together for 13 yrs, married 9. I have 2 boys (not his), 17 and 18. He has a son 23. When we first meet he told ne over drinking that he wanted to be a woman. Huh??? Thought this was more of a bedroom fetish. Everything about him to me is a man. He was in military, likes fast cars, has a penis and loves women. As the years went on, we married (I am wife #3). A few times here and there would find woman clothes and bras. I got upset and he hide it again.

Since September 2016 he has decided he wants to transition to being a woman. Fully...to me this is crazy. He's 48 now and says he has a clock. He's getting older and if doesn't do this now, he won't have opportunity to do later. He feels like he was wired in his brain to be a woman. He fought for a few months, he has depression, PTSD and other medical issues. I decided in November I couldn't support this. Tried to figure out how to leave, do it all on my own. Then he couldn't seal with us not being together and said he would try not wanting this. This lasted from January to last month (September). 

We had been miserable for months. I hated his loom. I lnew deep down this wasn't over. The hair longer and nails longer. He had started hormone pulls before and had stopped but rhey were still growing. Sex stopped and I had a hard time looking at him.

Now this is it. He's doing it. He immediately started back on hormones, his b oons are getting bigger, closet full of girl clothes...As much as he's trying not to throw it in my face it is. 

I love him. He's my best friend. It was supposed to be us forever. I can't look at him. I cry all the time. I feel alone and lost.

I thought I could try and support him. But his little things he does is big things to me. He says he understands me but I don't think he does really. I like men. I like everything a man is. I am not attractive to woman. It is more than love to me. 

I feel like everyone around us is supportive (except my parents and my one son knows). But they don't have to live with him or be with him.

I don't want to leave. I know it will tear him up even more. He's very fragile. I don't know how to be happy, supportive. Yes I also think about what people will think. What happened to your husband? Who is this? My family is not supportive? 

Am I alone in my feelings? I feel like I am not only losing a marriage but grieving loss of my husband.