It's been 4 years since he told me he likes to dress in womens clothes. He says he won't ever transition but I'm not so sure. I hate her I've tried to be ok with her but I'm not. I'm tired of my clothes nake up and jewelry coming up missing or worrying when someone elses us missing. I hate it even worse when I see her wear it. I love him more then I ever loved anyone but, my hate for her grows stronger everyday. She seems to grow more frequent. I really think it's time i walk. The thought hurts so bad. I miss him though. I miss not wanting to go up and grab his junk cause I'm afraid it will be tucked. Good lucks we are women and we will survive.

The chest hair never even meant much to me until it was removed. I curled up into a ball and cried when she tweezed it off. In the end the body hair doesn't matter as much to me as the drastic personality changes and other things...

Confusedfairy wrote "........ In the end the body hair doesn't matter as much to me as the drastic personality changes and other things..."

Same here. I have often said the whole "They are still the same person but only in different wrapping" is the big lie coming from the trans community. The physical changes I would have gotten used to. I can't say that I would have ever liked them or been physically attracted to my spouse's new body, but I do think I would have gotten used to it. That is not to say I was all okay with it from the get go. I wasn't. In time though, I think I would have been okay. The changes in personality and just who they are now..... that's a different story.

' In the end the body hair doesn't matter as much to me as the drastic personality changes and other things...'

Spot on. What I've read on here lately has frankly been pretty unbelievable. Some of your spouses have been behaving in an atrocious and unacceptable manner that goes far beyond the trans issues. I think if my partner behaved in that way, I'm pretty sure my bag would be packed. I understand resilience, commitment and trying to show support, but, really, there are limits. You are only human!

Luckily, any personality changes so far here have been very positive - in fact he hasn't changed much at all, but the least nice bits of him - the grumpiness, the arrogance, the intolerance, the impatience - have become less frequent.

So yes, losing the body hair, growing tits and taking hormones shouldn't matter in the grand scheme of things. Which is maybe why I am not planning on going anywhere.

Sylph - It sounds like my situation is a lot like yours. I haven't seen these big personality changes. The few I have seen have been for the better. My spouse is trying to be more attentive and loving, like when we were dating, and is always checking on me and my timeline.

The things I have been reading lately are awful and don't really sound like trans issues. I don't care if you are man, woman, transgender, gay, straight, whatever...you can not treat people that way! Being mentally abusive, hiding money, lying and being disrespectful is never ok. My bag would be packed as well.

I am not really at liberty to say much right now, but there does seem to be 2 types of people going through transition. With one type, the "same person/different packaging" may apply. On the other end though is the person with the whole personality shift.

I wish we (my spouse and I) were in the "same person" group because that person was one of the best people I have ever met in my life, and I was thrilled and honored to be his wife.

My spouse has only made minor changes both visually and personality-wise. After 23 years together, even those small changes kind of upset my world because I thought I had known him so well. And I find it difficult living with the fact that I will always be wondering how much more will change... how wrong I have been (and still am) about who he is... if everything I am seeing is authentic...

I miss the stability of feeling that I really knew my life partner and soulmate. I miss that most of all.

gallinarosa - Even with my spouse not having any "bad" personality changes I feel this! Yesterday she was telling me how much she hated playing baseball as a kid. Our whole 20 years together she had always showed off about playing baseball and being on the all stars team, etc. It's those things that I know why she lied, it was part of the "manly appearance", but they still hurt just the same. I thought I knew this person so well and I shared all of myself, even the ugly stuff. It's sad I was so wrong.

"I thought I knew this person so well and I shared all of myself, even the ugly stuff. It's sad I was so wrong."

this is me too. and he doesn't understand why I feel deceived

What's also sad is the feeling that the drastic personality changes that are negative, are going to be affirmed as wonderful along with the gender change. Therapist just answered in affirmative when I said it's my understanding that some people want to break ties with their old life completely, and my spouse may be one of them. No sympathy for me, no making me feel as though we'd work on keeping my spouse from turning into a bad father if it ever came to pass. No empathy for the fact that sometimes trans people toss their spouses in the garbage like rotting leftovers when they transition. Just "yup!"