Thanks YS, that's exactly it. So very well put. No one can truly know what's going on in another person's relationship, let alone judge them for it.

Leonie64, the answer to all your questions is simply: This is not all about you and your curiosity and your needs. This is about the person undergoing an unique and anxiety producing transformation. It does impact others in the orbit, that does not give them the right to know and/or see anything. I was pointing out that all the negativity might be impacting the person's ability to feel comfortable expressing their feminine side. You're pretty darn quick to pick up the shoe, since you claim it isn't your size.

YellowSubmarine, thanks for the feedback about how your all just a bunch of nice, helpful, supportive wives trying your best to make sense of this situation and for suggesting I get lost. I find that when I hold a mirror up, some people immediately recognize themselves and others shrug and just keep walking. Which category do you think you fall in after the post you wrote. By the way, I never once said I have all the answers. I'm simply offering another prospective, one you apparently dislike enough to hate on. I consider your post an invitation to visit often.

BTW: I'm not some kind of troll. I've the same issues as you, just a different prospective. I guess if members aren't interested in echoing the same old negative self-serving crap they aren't welcome. Does that sound fair to you?

Your perspective is terribly condescending and hurtful. You're nothing but a bully. All we want is a safe space to vent, and you come in here with your holier than thou attitude telling us that we need to be more supportive and think of our trans partner more.

If you want to give another perspective, fine, but don't pretend you're doing it in a kind or helpful way, because you're not.

Gutted, "never for a moment" did I suggest that this was all about me and my curiosity and my needs. But if something impacts my life then I have a right to know about it, regardless of what you may perceive as "all the negativity". Your use of the term prance around is particularly offensive and incongruent and I would have expected better from someone with a supposedly different perspective. I don't believe any of us have mocked our partners in that way. As for shoes, my husband and I have a few of the same styles, just different sizes :-)

'I'd be heartbroken if my hubbie didn't want me to see his feminine side. It's such a natural part of what drew us together that I can't imagine not experiencing that with him.'

Gutted (nice to see you back, being as supportive as ever...) - Firstly, if you read my post, I've said I WANT him to show me. He's the one who is holding back, Secondly, in another post I've said that he has always had a feminine side, which I have and do see, and like. I appreciated it and it's one of the things I love most in him. Doesn't mean I have to be happy if he wants to pursue it fully. Thirdly, it seems like you have always known of your partner's transgenderism, right from the start - that is whole different ball game. Most of us here didn't have a clue.

Sylph, I'm honestly sorry to seem insensitive to what you're going through. It's difficult to roll up onto the hot mess that's this group and not get a little carried away in the opposite direction.

I fully understood that you WANT him to show you and he's the one holding back. I was simply trying to offer some insight into why that might be happening.

I'll be the very first person to admit that when I'm caught up in a situation it's difficult to have accurate insight into my own situation. That was why I ran through some logical reasons he may be holding back. The total shit storm that ensued tells me that a lot more women resembled that remark (in one way or another) that I would have guessed.

You are coming at this from the prospective of all or nothing. Since my post is not the sum total of your relationship with your hubbie, then apparently none of it can possibly pertain to you. I'm 100% sure all of what I wrote does not apply to any one person here. However, bits and pieces do.

You are right, I did know from the start. I find that blurring of gender boundaries incredibly sexy. He knows it's a really big turn on, so he's eager to share. I can't help but compliment him, buy him scarves that match his eyes, and nice feminine button up blouses. We look at hair extensions and make up together. It's a special kind of bonding between the two of us that he doesn't share with anyone else. I want every woman here to have that!

Hi Gutted, I am very open to blurred genders. I think there are very few people in the world who are 100% one gender. I have a bit of 'male' in me too - always preferred male (non sexual) company in my youth - I was one of the boys. I was never into the whole 'girlie' thing of spending hours getting ready for a night out, experimenting with make up and often find female company annoying. I was a tomboy, still am (I wear jeans, Ts and sweaters every day, rather like he does, lol!)
You are very lucky that you have been on this road with your husband from the start, and I'm glad to see that you share his enthusiasm. But unfortunately many of us here had no idea and you have to appreciate that most of us are still in a state of shock, grieving, denial and fear (fear is my big one) - all natural reactions. And most of us do NOT find it the slightest bit of a turn on. (I'm fine with sexual experimentation, but really don't want girl sex to be the norm). I hope you can respect us. We are not all the same, and neither are our partners.
I also notice you use male pronouns for your husband, after admonishing us for doing so.

I do use male pronouns mostly, because he still presents mostly as male and that's what we are comfortable with. The important thing for me is to let him take the lead. If he had come out and said I'm a woman on the inside and want to look at a full transition, I'd be using female pronouns 100% of the time out of respect.

He likes having his cake and eating it too. He's stated very clearly he likes both and both are truly him. Since I adore him in both presentations, we use fem descriptors when he presents fem (sometimes daily for weeks) and masculine when he isn't presenting female. He would be insulted if I used fem descriptors when he was presenting male. It's individualized and based on how each non-gender conforming person sees themselves.

I was only pointing out that when women say 'he'll always be a man to me', 'I refuse to say she' and things like that are disrespectful if that is not what the person wants for herself.

My hubbie and I tend to logic our way through gender based issues and it really works for us.

YS, yes to your 3rd paragraph!

We are trying our best and we will keep going!

Maybe Gutted can find some empathy and share her story in a more helpful way. I reserve hope, but either way, we are not going away!