I've had too many bottoms. Puking my brains out in the bedroom of a guy I knew, who was NOT my boyfriend, who I passed out and slept next to all night while my boyfriend was at the police station trying to find me. Thankfully I am almost 100% certain nothing happened between me and that guy that night. Fast forward several years, falling in the bathroom with my son in my arms when I was taking him out of the bathtub. The alcohol made me so uncoordinated I couldn't even handle that. Driving under the influence with my son in the car. Being too drunk to drive home from my mother-in-law's house, parking my car on the side of a desolate highway with no shoulder to speak of and walking five miles home at midnight, falling and sustaining a leg injury that I still have scars from to this day (and wrecking my favorite pants!) My 2 1/2 year old son demanding a beer because he was so used to seeing me with one always in my hand. There have too many bottoms, and I kept drinking! I love my child more than anything, even more than alcohol, and he is one of my reasons for getting sober, but my biggest reason is for ME. I do not want to negatively influence the lives of others, and I want to live to experience the freedom that comes with being sober. Today I am a fragile, wounded, ashamed soul. It will get better.

Well, they say the true bottom is death or insanity if we keep going. I've hit some gruesome bottoms and couldn't even say whether I've been raped in the past because well... I BLACK OUT!

The trip to the ER with a .46 BAC last year was certainly scary and the crazy thing? When I came home I knew there was still some of the stash left and I went up to the hiding spot and slugged the last 2 shots-worth - after 3 days in the hospital! It was like I was on autopilot because who in their sane mind would do that? My BF was upset and angry. I was combative, trying to leave to walk to the liquor store because he wouldn't let me out the door. I'm not violent by nature but I did swing at him.

Oddly enough, totalling my car and getting the DWI isn't even on the "bottom" list. It's the shameful things I've done that are more "bottomy."

Wow, I've had sooo many rock bottoms...hard to choose just one! But my last drinking binge was nearly a year ago. I'd been planning my parents' 50th wedding anniversary. It took all I had to get everyone to agree to come because my parents aren't on anyone's top ten, ya know. My anxiety was way too high over that and some other personal issues...I was entering the dark door of menopause, (fun) and just overwhelmed at making stuff perfect. Well, didn't realize that worry was over nothing. Ended up in E.R. via ambulance after combining lots of beer (I mean LOTS), a few too many pills and went a little nutty...duh. AND when they wouldn't let me have a nicotine patch or a smoke, I fled out the back exit in a hospital(poor hubby following me) and left. Cops were at my door a few minutes because I was under a suicide watch. (They didn't do a very good job at watchin!)The hospital had given me fluids thru an I.V. so I had sobered enough to convince them I was now rational. And to top it off, the hospital "lost" my clothes and my just renewed driver's license.

Oh, and parents never got their party....

There have been so many times I thought I hit rock bottom and then it wasn't. I worry sometimes that I don't have a bottom to hit. I also think that those moments I thought were bottoms are memories that keep me drinking. I feel like such a loser thinking back on the times I've made a complete fool of myself being drunk. This past birthday marked 28yrs of drinking - I planned on quitting (just like so many other bdays) but still am drinking. So it goes...

My rock bottom, was abouit 6 years ago. A bad breakup with aboyfriend. I started drinking to self medicate. Stopped that. Then had a bf with borderline personality disorder and I medicated the same. 2 dui's in 2 months. I was outof control. lost jobs left and right. now I constantly battle alcohol. I dont crave it every day. I never have. I rarely dink, but when I do-i dont stop. I hate it. I dont know if I should beat myself up if I do it once in a graeat while, I just know now I gotta choose when its ok. but I still kick myself.

I have hit it somany times..which one do you wanna know about...

Hi all,

I have been an alcoholic for almost 9 years. I have been sober for 9 months. My rock bottom was when I had an argument with my husband and completely forgot what I said. Then we spent the next 10 mins recounting ever foul thing that came out of my mouth that that quickly I forgot. The next morning with shaking hands from the withdrawal( I was drinking more than eating at that point) I broke down. My husband was getting ready for work and I knocked on the bathroom door crying, just blurted out that I am an alcoholic. And he said he kinda figured because of my erractic behaviour. I was a functioning alcoholic. Would work all day , and all day crave that drink. I had bottles stashed all over the house. Now that I think about it I just couldnt imagine how I allowed myself to get like that.The worst part of it all is I was on anti depressants, sleep meds and I have degenerative kidney disease. I guess I somewhere in the back of my mind I was waiting to self destruct.....Thank God I woke up from the nightmare, now it is one day at a time......

Soulkiss, great job keeping it up for 9 months. It's impressive you identified your rock bottom. I can pretty much relate to those who kept thinking they had a rock bottom and realized it wasn't. I thought my rock bottom was when I was laying on the floor unwilling to move and pick myself up. I never thought I'd see the day I was ever like that. Then it became almost a daily thing. But one thing I've managed to figure out is that, I never had a rock bottom. Instead, I had an abyss. I knew I had a problem, but I didn't care enough to do anything about it. I didn't want to stop drinking, I had found a way to feel what I thought was ok and feel normal. And yet, in this abyss, knowing what I had to do an not caring, I would put it off like putting off mowing the lawn or starting a new diet. I would justify in my mind..."well it's Thursday, I'll drink tonight, but then it's the weekend and I can't get through the weekend without, so Monday then. Monday is the start of the new week and is the perfect time to begin the start of a new attitude and habits...." 3 months later, here I am. Just NOW finally getting past monday. I officially hit 1 week today. And like many have said...one day at a time.

soljerboy,

Congratulations on your 1 week of sobriety. I wont lie it is hard in the beginning, but take it slow. And you will find that it gets easier with each passing day. The best thing for me when I was at a party and everyone was drinking and it didn't even phase me. I just drank my softdrinks all nite and had a good time. I then knew that I had beaten the demon instead of letting it beat me.....God Bless!!

Hi All, Well....I didnt really have a "rock bottom" so much as a bunch of speed bumps. I woke up too many mornings with a hang over. I went from drinking a nice glass of wine with dinner, to usually drinking most the bottle. I almost fell over carrying my 2 year old up the stairs after a few glasses of wine. I fell asleep fully clothed on my bed with a wine glass next to it on too many random Monday or Tuesday nights. I bought a bottle of wine with my salad when eating dinner AFTER bikram yoga when traveling. It was all just exhausting, unhealthy, and I was/ am over it. That's my boring bottom but bottom none the less:)

I hear ya, Stickywick. I also loved the wine, and would workout and do yoga, and then drink all night. Talk about conflicting messages. But I think I hit my rock bottom just last night. My drinking has taken a very self-destructive turn lately, and last night I sat alone down in the basement and drank a bottle of wine (my hubby hates to see me drunk, so I hid down there), and I ended up tripping and hitting my head on the f-ing cat litter box! It's almost funny it's so gross. I fell face-first in CAT SHIT and cut up my face. I'm lucky I didn't break my nose. Afterwards I rolled around in litter and my own piss until I was sober enough to even get up off of the basement floor. Can't be much worse than that. Then a whole lovely day has been wasted today with me recouperaing, and I have several bruises and cuts to remind me of my folly. ;-(

I hear ya, Stickywick. I also loved the wine, and would workout and do yoga, and then drink all night. Talk about conflicting messages. But I think I hit my rock bottom just last night. My drinking has taken a very self-destructive turn lately, and last night I sat alone down in the basement and drank a bottle of wine (my hubby hates to see me drunk, so I hid down there), and I ended up tripping and hitting my head on the f-ing cat litter box! It's almost funny it's so gross. I fell face-first in CAT SHIT and cut up my face. I'm lucky I didn't break my nose. Afterwards I rolled around in litter and my own piss until I was sober enough to even get up off of the basement floor. Can't be much worse than that. Then a whole lovely day has been wasted today with me recouperaing, and I have several bruises and cuts to remind me of my folly. ;-(

I hear ya, Stickywick. I also loved the wine, and would workout and do yoga, and then drink all night. Talk about conflicting messages. But I think I hit my rock bottom just last night. My drinking has taken a very self-destructive turn lately, and last night I sat alone down in the basement and drank a bottle of wine (my hubby hates to see me drunk, so I hid down there), and I ended up tripping and hitting my head on the f-ing cat litter box! It's almost funny it's so gross. I fell face-first in CAT SHIT and cut up my face. I'm lucky I didn't break my nose. Afterwards I rolled around in litter and my own piss until I was sober enough to even get up off of the basement floor. Can't be much worse than that. Then a whole lovely day has been wasted today with me recouperaing, and I have several bruises and cuts to remind me of my folly. ;-(