One year ago I said goodbye to cigarettes. After ten long years I decided that enough was enough. The time was now. Ten beautiful years with the only thing I could count on. The only thing that never let me down. The only thing that made me happy. The only thing that made me calm, collective, and relaxed. The only thing I (thought I) could control. But after 10 long years I realized THEY controlled ME. I toyed with the thought of quitting for many years but as always like many others convinced myself I needed it. After this pack. Maybe next week. Maybe next month. Maybe next year. And that day would never come. I was ashamed but I kept smoking because it made me feel good. Until I started coughing more. And the headaches started. And the chest pains came. Yet again I continued to smoke because I liked it. I needed them when I woke up and when I went to sleep. I needed them when I was angry, when I was sad, when I was stressed, and when I felt bad. I needed them when I drank, and I needed them after I ate. I needed them after sex. I even needed them as I talked on the phone. Need. Need. Need. Then I woke up one September day and realized: What goes hand in hand with the word "need"? Addiction. I was completely head over heels addicted to cigarettes and I realized that my time to stop is now. I took that pack of cigarettes from the previous night, taped it up, and stuffed it in the bottom of my junk drawer. I promised myself that THIS WAS IT. I am going to quit smoking! And at that very moment I started my journey to a life without cigarettes...

The first week was the hardest. I was so hard on myself, mentally convincing myself that I needed them. That eventually I would crack so I might as well have one. I would hide under my covers and hold myself, crying, telling myself that I will just end up a failure. I told myself that I chose the wrong time to quit. There were a lot of issues with my friends and family at the time and I was literally alone in my room for most of that month. Not only did I decide to quit smoking but I also made the wise decision to stop drinking to set it in stone that my mind was clear to fight this. I spent most of my time in bed watching movies and trying to ignore that devil on my shoulder temping me to open that pack of cigarettes but I refused. It was like an itch that I couldn't reach to scratch. Then, one night when the cravings got bad I stumbled across this website, and decided to take a chance.

I made an account and ended up on this board. I read a lot of your stories, questions, thoughts, fears, etc. I immediately stopped feeling so alone. I decided to join in and share my thoughts and I was overjoyed with how much support and love ran through this board. I remember a specific night where I was brought to tears thinking about how supportive and kind you all were. I had people in my life that I have known for years and not one of them gave me the kind of encouragement and strength that I got here, from complete strangers. I decided to take that taped up box of cigarettes, cut it open, and hold the cigarettes in my hands. I told myself that I would truly commit to this. And I did. I marched right outside, crumbled them up, and threw them away. I will be FOREVER grateful for that moment. Sometimes all you need in ONE person to tell you that you can do it, you can achieve your goals, and you can make it through on top. I was once a girl who didn't believe in herself. Who swore that she would never beat her addictions. Yet, here I am exactly one year later, a changed woman. And a lot of that strength came from a few kind words from a few really kind strangers.

I want you all to know how grateful I am to have found this support group. You are all amazing in your own ways and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being such top notch people. For the ones who are still kicking this addiction's butt? High five. Keep up the amazing work. For the ones who are still struggling to overcome this? You can beat this. You WILL beat this. Never give up! And the newbies who don't know where to start? Just breathe. Help is on the way. Sometimes all you need is a little love and support to get the ball rolling and we are ALL here for you. All you need to do is reach out.