Single Parenting Support Group
Today being raised by a single parent is not uncommon. About three in ten children live in a single parent home. The most common type of single parent home is one with only a mother. However, single father homes are the fastest growing type of family situation; 60% growth in the last ten years alone.
Hello, i joined here cause i am looking at being a single mom,
does anyone regret it? how do you deal with the fathers? and the families of the fathers for years to come? these are just things i am looking at.
i miscarried my first baby in april, we were heartbroken and had been exited about the baby, WE wanted another one, so we let it happen.
or so i thought we wanted another one, now he says my emergencies and expenses have taken too much a toll on him.... and he no longer wants me part of his life or in the house.... im pregnat, and i have been SICK.
ive been looking for work but i needed to get to the doctor first.... and foremost. i am pregnat again so soon after a miscarriage. and cant even hardly keep water down... ive lost 30 pounds since ive been pregnat....
he is more worried about money. money is not that tight. rent is paid, and bills are paid on time, sure, its tight, but he still has money to go to movies and work on his car.... but he wont even get me a hashbrown from mcdonalds... he says he has had enough. why would he leave me now??
its not cause he is scared... he is suddenly an ass, and my perfect relationship, or so i thought, has turned abusive and derrogatory...
last night i was upset, and of course im hormonal, i followed him out the door, and he backed into me with his car, knowing i was standing there.
he has raised his hand to me, and said harsh words that rip my heart out.
i dont know what to do. he didnt want me to work, he wanted me to recover from the miscarriage and look for a different type of job other than what i was doing..... so he leaves me, high and dry and no leg to stand on...
How did some of you get through this? get through the hurt?
survive the pregnancy with nowhere to go?
can you still have a life after this? do i really have to deal with him for the next 20 years? have to deal when he finally decides he wants a life and gets a family and my child is left in the dust??
im so hurt and lost.....
does anyone regret it? how do you deal with the fathers? and the families of the fathers for years to come? these are just things i am looking at.
i miscarried my first baby in april, we were heartbroken and had been exited about the baby, WE wanted another one, so we let it happen.
or so i thought we wanted another one, now he says my emergencies and expenses have taken too much a toll on him.... and he no longer wants me part of his life or in the house.... im pregnat, and i have been SICK.
ive been looking for work but i needed to get to the doctor first.... and foremost. i am pregnat again so soon after a miscarriage. and cant even hardly keep water down... ive lost 30 pounds since ive been pregnat....
he is more worried about money. money is not that tight. rent is paid, and bills are paid on time, sure, its tight, but he still has money to go to movies and work on his car.... but he wont even get me a hashbrown from mcdonalds... he says he has had enough. why would he leave me now??
its not cause he is scared... he is suddenly an ass, and my perfect relationship, or so i thought, has turned abusive and derrogatory...
last night i was upset, and of course im hormonal, i followed him out the door, and he backed into me with his car, knowing i was standing there.
he has raised his hand to me, and said harsh words that rip my heart out.
i dont know what to do. he didnt want me to work, he wanted me to recover from the miscarriage and look for a different type of job other than what i was doing..... so he leaves me, high and dry and no leg to stand on...
How did some of you get through this? get through the hurt?
survive the pregnancy with nowhere to go?
can you still have a life after this? do i really have to deal with him for the next 20 years? have to deal when he finally decides he wants a life and gets a family and my child is left in the dust??
im so hurt and lost.....
I was with the love of my life who couldn't wait to be a dad. Then i found out i was pregnant and he made it so stressful saying it wasn't his and i new it was. He left me when i was 3 months pregnant for his old gilrfriend. Being pregnant and single is sooooooooooooooo hard. Even the little things like in the middle of the ngiht trying to get outta bed because your to big you can't move. Or the worries about raising him/her alone. Where you well live. I did it all by myself (i can explain more to you if you like)
so anywaty i had teh appointments almost set (had to find out how far along i was to see which place to go to) for an abortion and when i see him/her on the screen i couldn't do it. God gave you this baby for a reason (same with me) i knew it wouldn't be easy or fun but i had him. And now he is 2 years old and has never meet his dad. I brought him to meet hisgrandmother and aunt on his dad's side but thats all they ahd to sdo with him. Nothing for bdays or xmas. It has been a long 2 years but i have realized that youc an't make them love th child if they don't want to. So if that is the case don't send pic's every otrher day liek i did, don't call teh dad telling him how the babay is (or do so .. so you know you tried) because as my babies father and his family they just don't care.
And also i well let you know that for now and a few months maybe a year after teh child is born yoru horemones well make everythign worse then it is. Just be happy your carring god's gift to you!! Be happy as much as you can. read to him/her in your belly and just try to be happy! Don't resent the child before he/ or she is born!! trust me it won't make it better!
Ok sorry i'm rambleing on!
Add me as your friend if you have any questions!!
i have had enough... im going through the process of accepting what is happening, and that there is nothing i can say or do to make him understand how i feel. and it is hard wth the hormones... i CRY and cry and cry and cry and cant stop or breathe... i never run out of tears it seems. and im not they crying type at all!!!! everything is so INTENSE. and all i want is to feel safe... and someone to hug me..
and that hurts.. cause i cant have that.
i want someone to put a hand on my belly... be willing to get me a glass of water... and just love me. i dont resent the baby... i resent my decision to trust the father... i am ANGRY... angry because i will be alone.. i will not have the family i was promised, not now anyway. now im trying to figure out what avenue i should take to protect myself.... should i make a police report????
logic says yes.. and go to abuse counseling so that it is documented as well, that way i can say what happened in the future and have it on paper when he tries to make me look like a crazy woman. but when i do that things will be UGLY. i know there is no turning back right now.. but i am trying to be as civil as possible. as peaceful i should say. do you ever wonder where your breaking point is? you know when you feel your heart and mind are about to break? and somehow you keep going? you always remember those times.... and now i wonder... i hope i can keep going this time.....
I was in the same boat! The lady i was living with hs ehad sold her house faster then she thought was was and i had a month to find somewhere to live. I couldn't aford a place on my own so i asked the father to help and he said there wasn't anything he could do. I told him if i had to move away from him and his family i wasn't coming back at all. He did not care so my bother's g/f at the time came from far away and moved me back with them. When i was still living where my son's father was i use to beg him to come to the dr's appmt's. Just cause i knew when he found out that teh baby was his he would regret not going to them. He went to 1 and that was it.
I cried allllllllllllllllllll the time when i was pregnant. Liek you i just wanted someone ot hug me someone to love me and say it is okay. But you know what us woman (and mothers to be) learn to fast that we have to do it. We have to do what we need to do for the unborn child. Do what you feel is right not what yoru heart wants you to do. (this is my opioion thats all.. going on what happened to me sweetie..you don't nessescarily have to do it my way) I listen to my heart and kept him in the loop becaus i was wishing he would change, listening to his empty promises to come see his son. and nothing he never did anything. I should have went to court and documented everything like you mentioned but i didn't. I have listen to tooooo many treats with him. That in November of this year i am going for full custody.
I have tried with his whiole family and i am sick of feeling like they don't care so they aren't going to get the chance to see him at all..untill he is old enough to make his own decisions. I tried 3 times.. I flew up to their province for them to see their grandson and they just stood away from him liek he was a plag of some short. And i got thrteatn by his father (my son's dad) that he paid for the F***king kid he was gonna come take him. he didn't want him he wanted me to be there to yell and scream and i was getting a friend to bring his son to him. But he wouldn't see him unless iw as there. I was to scared so i said no. But still wanted him to have teh opportunity and i am glad i went with my gut not my heart and didn't let him see him. He would have took him.
All i can say is try not to stress (easier said then done i know)
But we are all here for you. Just send em a message if you like
As for your breaking point i had mine wayyyyyyyyyyyyy to many times. there is only so much you can phsiycally handle and that you should not have to deal with. Take a stand and say you have had enough.Tell him first how you feel a if he still don't care then do what you need to do fior your well being ok.
Hope i'm not being to crdical because of what i personally went through. Again this is my story and just trying to let you see different sides. Ok sweetie
Take care
as sad as it is, its nice to know people with the same stories... because here is pretty much all my support, my best friend is very cynical, cause she had a baby at 16, but there is a big difference.
whether her family was angry at her or not, they were there. she had a place to go. she lived with me for a while then too. then she went off to job corp, found a husband, and he has supported her ever since.
she is spoiled, new 2008 car, new house... nice things... and she stays at home and does what he says
i dont have the luxuries she has, or had. i have had enough..... im tired, i dont have alot of fight left in me.... i wish he would just understand, and grow up, and be an adult. but all he see's is himself. and what he feels. and he wont even try to go to counseling, i asked him, he says no cause this will happen and they will just tell me im a piece of shit, i said no, thats not what they do, he says you should know cause you have been to so many of them..... i wanted to just rip his head off right there. what was that suposed to mean? and you say im the one who fights???
he apologized for the car incident, cause he started to fight, telling m what was wrong with me, i said hey buddy, look, im not the one running me over with cars and raising fists to people. he says well i apologized for that, but you havent apologized for snapping at me.
its like fuck you, im pregnat.
i know, if i were listening to myself, like i was another person and giving advice i would say get out, get away, and screw him.
i guess i should practice what i preach hugh?
Yeh see my friends ( i have 3 good friends) they all had babies and their men (except one) is with their babies daddies and they have everything they want. The other one hasn't come to terms with being a single mom so she goes and dates every man she see's to fell teh void he made when he left her.
The men try and blame us becuase it is making them feel better. It isn't your fault it is his (some maybe yours not to sure lol)
But your the one who's life is really changing not his. He gets to go on as nothing happened when you no it has cause you see your belly growing and feel teh baby move. Thats what i don't understand with men they just leave and because were carrying teh child it is all on us. It isn't fair but that si the way it is.
It is easy for us ot say "Practise what you Preach" But we would do the same thing. You don't want to give up because it is hard to come to terms with your baby not having his dad. You think it is very unfair and like you feel bad because you had the baby with this idiot. (well i felt this way lol)you've already fail your own child before he/she was born.
But God gave you this child for a reason!!! he knows you'll be fine!!!What ever happens you'll deal with it one day at a time. I wish i was there you could move in with me an di woudl be your friend to help you with that child. I know what it is liek to want an extra 5 mins to sleep and when you really don't want to get up for that 3 am feeding. I would help. I know what it is liek to want and can't have.
take care!
Am i helping at all or aking it about me??? I hope i'm not an di ope i am helping
i mean, he really is honestly stupid, not because he left me, but just in general. he likes to make inventions, or try to, and gets the stupidest ideas, i never put him down on them out loud because i thought just maybe he would stumble on something great and i would look the fool. but really, like he comes up with stuff that is already made...
he spent like 5 g's a while before i met him on a patent, but they didnt want his ideas. He likes to fix up cars, or customize as he puts it.
he had an xterra, the idea would have been kool, if he took care of the car, didnt have dents and rips in the seats....
he just does alot of stuff that doesnt make any sense to anyone but him.... and he gets made fun of alot, i stood by him.
now i say, wow, i was on the wrong side, he really is an idiot....
Also, think back, if he's an a** now, he always has been. He's just letting it out on the surface even more so.
U don't need him. U don't deserve the abuse and U need to give yourself permission to value who you really are.
Send the Cad his walking papers, sell the house and move to a place that's yours and don't call him when the baby comes. Neat thing about birth-certificates...you don't have to list who the father is...
You will find someone who will value you and want to show it to you.
Get out of the abuse first and then find your local support for having this baby. If your sick then going to get a job right now is not the answer, the stress could cause another miscarriage. There are government programs to help with prenatal care and things. You paid for them while working now that you need them use all the resourses you can to stay healthy physically and emotionally and spiritually.
Keep Smiling.
And remember YOU R Strong than you feel...Have faith...
i went to the hospital last night, my blood pressure was low and they gave me two liters of fluid and prescribed some anti nausea stuff. it issnt working so great yet... but its a start at least, they even got the prescriptions for me so i didnt have to pay, i told them my situation.
they did an ultra sound... not the best picture, but the baby perked up and was literally waving his arms and legs around. it had one arm up above its whole body just wiggling it around.... like HI HELLO.... it made me laugh. so the baby seems healthy.
im not ready to work yet, im still so weak.
but here is my question...
WHY DO I FEEL BAD FOR FILING A POLICE REPORT???
and the officer went and talked to him.
now i guess his command is not allowing him to talk to me.
he is coming here with one of his cheifs later to "discuss" matters.
and he is not allowed to talk to me what about. im afraid.
he said he had to stay away from me before a no contact order was issued, i told him that i didnt do that, he said that it didnt matter, the military would. why does this hurt so much?? I feel sad....
did i do the wrong thing???