Shyness Support Group
Shyness is a feeling of insecurity that certain people experience while being among others, talking with others, asking favors of others, etc. The initial cause of shyness can vary. Scientists have located some genetic data that supports the hypothesis that shyness is at least partially genetic.
I kinda wrote about this in my journal but I just need to vent...again.
I am currently living with a hostfamily here in US (Im from sweden) since 13 months back. I am shy. In the begining it was normal I guess. I was shy to everyone but now I know the kids and my hostmom and I are pretty close but I also have seen them basically 12 hours every weekday for over a year. But then there is my hostdad. Our relationship has pretty much not changed much since I came here. It has gotten better but before and maybe still he has felt that I dont like him and dont talk to him and at the same time I feel like I talk to him alot. The reason is simple. I dont know him. I have lived with the man for over a year but I see maybe 2 seconds in the morning, about 10 minutes in the evening and then when hes home in the weekends Im out somewhere. This summer was the first time we spent whole days together. November was the first time the issue came up, my hostmom told me that my hostdad feels like I dont like him cause I dont talk to him. Since then it has been a upcoming issue. But this whole time, everytime it comes up its all my fault. Its like they think I do it on purpose. I try to explain that its not that easy for me. To just talk...keep a conversation going is not an easy thing. And it would really help if he maybe could be aware of that and know that I do wanna talk to him but I need him to keep the converstation going if I cant.
What the really dont understand is that it is not him personally I would be the same way with anyone. Its like they think I dont even try. For them its simple...for me its not. I know I need to work on my socialskills but I cant do it over night and it will take more then a year. And Im doing better. But they dont see that.
Yes its partly my fault but I dont really feel like my hostdad is trying really hard either. It doesnt help that we have totally different personalites. I know its easy for me to hide behind "but Im shy" and I tend to do that but its not fully only me who needs to work on things.
Its just frustrating. Im trying. Im taking babysteps here. I have done so much change this year in everything inside me is in chaos.
I would never dreamt of calling up a stranger last year. Ive done that several times now. i kinda have to if I want any friends at all here. In the begining of the year I was out with 5 other aupairs (nannies) I ended up saying two words in 3 hours "Hi" and "Bye". I do not do groups well still but I do alot better then that. I might even say "how are you?"
Okay now Im rambling. Sorry for this long confusing, not making sense. If you got through it. Any thoughts?
I am currently living with a hostfamily here in US (Im from sweden) since 13 months back. I am shy. In the begining it was normal I guess. I was shy to everyone but now I know the kids and my hostmom and I are pretty close but I also have seen them basically 12 hours every weekday for over a year. But then there is my hostdad. Our relationship has pretty much not changed much since I came here. It has gotten better but before and maybe still he has felt that I dont like him and dont talk to him and at the same time I feel like I talk to him alot. The reason is simple. I dont know him. I have lived with the man for over a year but I see maybe 2 seconds in the morning, about 10 minutes in the evening and then when hes home in the weekends Im out somewhere. This summer was the first time we spent whole days together. November was the first time the issue came up, my hostmom told me that my hostdad feels like I dont like him cause I dont talk to him. Since then it has been a upcoming issue. But this whole time, everytime it comes up its all my fault. Its like they think I do it on purpose. I try to explain that its not that easy for me. To just talk...keep a conversation going is not an easy thing. And it would really help if he maybe could be aware of that and know that I do wanna talk to him but I need him to keep the converstation going if I cant.
What the really dont understand is that it is not him personally I would be the same way with anyone. Its like they think I dont even try. For them its simple...for me its not. I know I need to work on my socialskills but I cant do it over night and it will take more then a year. And Im doing better. But they dont see that.
Yes its partly my fault but I dont really feel like my hostdad is trying really hard either. It doesnt help that we have totally different personalites. I know its easy for me to hide behind "but Im shy" and I tend to do that but its not fully only me who needs to work on things.
Its just frustrating. Im trying. Im taking babysteps here. I have done so much change this year in everything inside me is in chaos.
I would never dreamt of calling up a stranger last year. Ive done that several times now. i kinda have to if I want any friends at all here. In the begining of the year I was out with 5 other aupairs (nannies) I ended up saying two words in 3 hours "Hi" and "Bye". I do not do groups well still but I do alot better then that. I might even say "how are you?"
Okay now Im rambling. Sorry for this long confusing, not making sense. If you got through it. Any thoughts?
Thank you for sharing, it took a lot of courage to write what you did so honestly. It may be your temperament is more of an introvert pattern than and extrovert one and there is nothing wrong with that.
If you feel real comfortable with someone you are friends with or live with it would be good to share what you wrote with them. A host family needs to participate as well and the host father can't expect to not help cultivate interaction. Social skill is just hard to begin with with all the hard times in the world. In your situation everyone needs to practice being gracious to each other. It can't be a one sided thing, that puts too much stress on the person trying. We all have something wonderful about us and it's the responsibility of everyone involved to see what those great things are in each other, respect and appreciate them, then become supportive to each other.
Look at your good qualities and remind yourself of these qualities you have that you will one day use fully in life and work. Your shyness is a form of innocence and that is beautiful. With time you will mature but it helps to have people around you who will see you through it and enjoy seeing you grow.
When I see someone I remind myself always that they are loved by God and for good reason. In turn I hold respect for those around me which is bridled once someone tries to take advantage. Your host family has done a wonderful thing in taking you in yet may have expectations of you being unaware of your dilemma.
You sound young and that needs to be taken into account as well. We have a lot to learn throughout our life regardless of age.
I will remember you in my prayers so that good and healthy communication and results come about for you and your host family.
Caeli
Caeli.
Yeah they do have expectations. Its like they had a picture of how I was gonna be and now trying very hard to fit me in to their picture. And I know I gave them that picture.Cause in my emails I can seem very outgoing but I am so not. Alot more outgoing then a year ago though.
As I said my hostmom and I have no problems cause I know her pretty damn well by now. And I try to tell her that its not as easy as it sounds and she sais she gets it but she dont. I know she dont. She mightve been shy in her teen but I can tell not in the same way as me.
I know I cant really expect them to read my mind and that I need to tell them how I feel but its hard. THey are amazing! I love them all and I am so greatful for everything. And this sounds dum but if I complain it feels like Im ungreatful for all the good stuff.
You said I sound young. Im 20. 19 when I got over here, fresh from highschool. And I sometimes feel that I would handle things better if I waited until I was older to go here. For the first time ever I feel like saying "hey Im young, im trying to figure out ALOT of stuff right now. Im working on my shyness and Im freaking trying to recover from 6 years of depression and selfhate and I might sound like an alcoholic but for me its day by day. I take one day at a time. And Im doing very well. So cut me some slack please."
But then it feels like thats not their problem. THey shouldnt have to consider that. I should be able to handle it.
My hostdad and I have done better after he sat down and talked to me in august and didnt go through my hostmom like every other time. My hostmom said Im doing better. But thinking about how hard this is for me I want them to think Im doing wonderful not "better". Im afraid to ask how Im doing cause I dont want them to say "fine but please do better" cause then I might throw up or something (not really).
Okay. sorry for another long rambling thing.
I just...ugh.
daegenlife.
yeah that would be awesome. But Im to much of a coward to do that. And Im pretty sure he still wouldnt get it.