I haven't read every word of this but I find the tone of gutted's post harsh and hurtful. I don't agree that rape only happens when there is a power differential. It's a complex subject. I do agree with seeking counseling however. You had a brutal introduction to sex and it seems to me you need to step back and heal that first experience before you start to venture out into the world of sex.

That troll is crazy! I totally believe you were raped with the second creep. ( example only) married folks can get raped.. just because you are in a serious relationship with the other person, maybe together for the last 20 years, does NOT mean that rape can’t happen.

I’m very sorry, and I know troll’s post destroyed you... it’s really a shame when you come to a support site, only to be told pretty much everything you already believe in yourself is true.... which I’m here to tell you that NOTHING the troll said, or that you have been told is true! I totally agree with Donna..
I’m so sorry this all has happened... you’re not alone in this... I promise you’re not.

Notalone00

I am so sorry this happened to you it's wrong. I know people who sexually assault seem to have no brain otherwise why would they continue to hurt others. I think it's good if we can all talk about our problems
In my case I was sexually abused by my brother my mom knew did nothing about it. After wards when I was six I was raped by someone else, again I told my mom who called me a slut. she kicked me out. I got pregnant had the baby all by myself and put it up for adoption. Years later I am treated poorly by my mother . As if it were all my fault. My mom recently died and I tried to talk to the brother who raped me , he acted like nothing happened. It's just wrong. I am supposed to move on like nothing happened.

oops I meant when I was sixteen not six. sounds dumb. Since my mom died the family is all trying to get together all nicey nice, I never went to her funeral how could I when I would have to run into the brother who sexually assaulted me and got away with it for years. Sure I tried to move on got married but fell in to bad relationship took my son moved away years later met a really nice guy who adopted my son. He is a adult but he chums with the brother who assaulted me as I I lied about all of it. it bothers me I am to give it all up.

okay yeah i regret ever posting this.
sorry for coming on a site meant for support and foolishly being under the belief that i would be treated with respect.

CasMac1 I'm really sorry that happened to you at such a young age. Mothers are meant to be protective of their children. I can see why you are still carrying this around after all these years. I'd come clean with your husband. He deserves to know this about the man he's chumming around with.

Pencil, I think we are all here for your just in different ways, I am more nurturing and Gutted is more matter of fact. No one means to hurt your feelings. We are all here to support each other. Thank you Gutted, my husband now is very supportive , yes all this happened to me years ago, but my family is more of a ostrich type personality lets pretend nothing happened. Meanwhile my adult son and my brother who sexually assaulted me for years are chummy , and think I should forgive and forget everything. it all changed my life. I had 25 years of Hell luckily I met a wonderful man and married him. But Christmas is a horrible time for me I cannot sit across the table from a child rapist and act like nothing happened. I have gone through years of counselling and now have written a book about it . Maybe be writing it I can get on with my life. I just needed some support from someone who has gone through similar events and knows what they did to handle it. . I appreciate all you say. I take it with a grain of salt. thank you Plus I am here for you all.

CasMac1, I'm so glad you got the counseling you needed and you have every right to handle that however you think is best. When I read your post I envisioned you with a small child at your side with all that trauma still being kind of fresh.

Whereas your family is operating ostrich style, mine just lets it all hang out. Ha, big difference, right? Writing can be very therapeutic, but sitting across the table must totally suck. Sorry you had to endure that. I design book covers and if you would like to self-publish your book, I'd be happy to design your cover totally for free. Just let me know. Sorry for being direct, that's just how I am.

I just went over what everyone has replied, Pencil it sounds like your confused. You were raped by someone it was horrible. It would have been better not to get involved with anyone but you know what we reach out and look for comfort and not always with the right person. sounds to me like the second guy was not there for the right reasons,. He took advantage of you. I think he is having sex with you and maybe it is rough and triggering your first rape but does he mean too. I don't know sounds like he is using you to his advantage. you need to step back and stay away from ALL guys, heal your mind and your body. don't worry what others call you. Sex can be sex and is sometimes good , bad or great but it doesn't mean the same to men and women. I hope you wait for while and find a great guy , who you can explain what's happened to you and who won't rush you into having sex. Then and only then maybe you will fall in love and have a great partner who will make you feel wonderful when you makelove or have sex. Then it will be consensual and you'll lay in bed and enjoy each other, wrapped in each others arms. I hope this happens for you. Please don't rush in sexual relationships because none of them will turn out great too soon after bad sexual ones. I wish you well.