True. They are just memories. They can't hurt you.

Everywhere hurts. My heart hurts, my head hurts and I can't stop crying. But what am I even crying for?
It's not like I was betrayed. They were probably doing these things to me before I even remember.

Jadie you were betrayed. No parent should do any of these things to their child. You were a trusting child who was hurt deeply. We come into this world trusting and expecting our parents to love us, care for us, feed us and protect us, not to hurt us physically and emotionally. The tears you are crying are justified and are from being betrayed and hurt so deeply by adults you should have been able to trust. Cry the tears because it is important to get them out.

(((Hugs)))

Hey you, please, relax... You are safe. She can't here you. It's ok. 'Gentle hug'
You're feeling this cause you're dealing with it. You're taking the power back! It takes time. I know, I'm not 100% but I'm in my way. I have my days. I still feel the rape. It hurts. I know the feelings. A lot of us do. It sucks, I'm sorry. It's unfair, not right. But by talking about it, you are getting stronger. It takes stranger to even bring it up, I'm proud of you!
Little step, little step.
You will cry... a lot.
You will hurt, sadly you will be scared.
We are here for you, we all know.
We have all been there.
We all are at different places in healing.
There are some that even help me.
I can help you, and yet others can help me.
You are special!
You are great!
You are you!
And though it might be hard to understand, the things you have gone through have shaped you to be the person you are today...
With me, I care more, I love more. I want to help my fellow victim/survivors! Before I was abused? I can't say I would want to... I know what I was like before I started remembering... I would never had been in this site...
But here I am!
Here I am loving and helping all I can, as much as a can!


Anyone (including you) are always welcome to drop me a line/message I'm always welling to talk or help in anyway I can!!

As always you are....

Not alone!

Your safe here. Its ok to let it out. Say what only what you can. I can relate. I was 4 yrs old but dont remember. If want to talk, if you need to cry cry, if want toget angery i punch my pillow. Its safe here, i want to tell you i understand

You were betrayed, and you wouldn't be crying if it was 'ok to do' you know what happened was wrong. Maybe not at the time, so what if you think you enjoyed it... Our bodies (ALL of our bodies ) are programmed to respond to touch, to feeling, to emotions, to everything that an adult 'bad' person knows how to 'activate' those feelings to make us act/respond/do what ever THEY want us to do.
It's THEIR training us to seem like we wanted it. And if we say no, or act like we want to fight it, THEY know how to push OUR buttons to make US do what ever they want us to do.

Did I want to get molested? Probably not. Did I enjoy it? Probably. I know my body responded in that manner, I remember him telling me that. Did I deserve it? No.
Were you abused? Yes
Did you enjoy it? Probably... (It's normal, please don't beat yourself up)
Did you deserve it? No way!

You can ask any of us these same questions, was it abuse? Yes ( we wouldn't be here if it wasn't)
Did we enjoy it? ( those answers will vary) some yes, some no, some confused.
Did we deserve it? No


Hugs to you!
Be kind to yourself
:)

I guess I will try writing this. I am very afraid and ashamed to and I am very sorry if it offends anybody. If you think you might be offended please don't read.

My father was very different from my mother. For as long as I can remember, he took me into his bed by himself for special time. He would tickle me and touch me and kiss me and we were both naked. He got me to do things with my mouth on him and he put his fingers inside and it hurt and I cried at first but he was so nice to me and made me feel better after. It progressed to him having sex with me. But I never tried to stop him. I even liked it. I looked forward to spending time with my dad, I loved him. I found out how wrong it was one day and told him to stop but he said if we both liked it it didn't matter. I didn't know what to say.

It's not happening anymore and I don't see my father. I'm so ashamed and feel disgusting. I'm sorry. I still love and miss him even though I know it was wrong it's so confusing I can't understand it.

I'm so sorry I've upset and offended everyone.

I'm not offended Jadie Lynn. I have memories of my dad playing with me too. Well playing and touching in places he shouldn't and sometimes with his mouth. You have nothing to be ashamed of, It's his shame and it should go onto him not you.He was the adult and used your innocence and taught you a twisted game that he should not have. It's not your fault.

I'm not offended either. A young child doesn't know anything about sexual matters, nor should they have to. Your father was kind and attentive to you, and that was probably the most love you got in your life. It's so hard and confusing when the one who abused you is your own dad. A part of you loves him as your dad, and a part of you hates him for violating your boundaries and saddling you with so much shame and anguish.

But nothing that happened, and nothing you felt, was your fault. You were an innocent child. Your parents created and defined your world. You are free of blame and guilt and shame - it's all on them. You were just a child.

Hi, it's me again.
You're probably getting tired of seeing my name up here...
I Do have to say, I'm very proud of you!
It takes a lot of strength to be able to talk about abuse. You did very good, I'm proud!
No one will think bad of you, or anything mean... There are a lot more of us here that have been hurt by loved ones than you know... We are here, we care for you, and each other.
Very good job, I know you were probably crying writing it... It's ok, crying is good, no one will think ill of you.

We and I are here for you.. Always!!

You certainly didn't offend or upset me...write what and how you want. If you have any concerns about what you're sharing bothering or offending someone......just put .Trigger warning! At the beginning of the post.....as it warns people who easily get triggered that they need to proceed with caution. Then just express yourself as openly as you're able.

I know it was difficult and took courage to share things that cause you to feel ashamed and afraid to talk about. I believe you do feel shame. So did I the first time I shared on here...and felt very, very anxious waiting for what others might have to say about what I'd revealed. I never received anything but positive support and understanding.

I could make this a very long reply trying to help you understand that the shame you experience is completely and totally unjustified...but also know while it's nice to hear people tell you.... that you are completely faultless, but it's doubtful you can accept it at the deep emotional level you must to turn loose of it. Sadly, almost every survivor feels shame until well into the healing process and what's even more tragic too many continue carrying shame even though "intellectually" they know it's true..the child faultless. No exceptions!

You were groomed....as you said "For as long as you can remember, he took you into his bed". Your father set out to sexualize you long before you had any understanding of the wrongness of what was happening to you. It and by the time you became old enough and learned it wasn't right...it had become too complicated. Very few, very few children who have been abused for a long time are able to make it stop...for countess reasons...too many to go into here....just know for many Its for the same reasons as you...it's your father and he confuses you with his adult reasoning and logic and lies ...such as his telling you "if you both enjoyed the interactions then it's okay" As a child who loves her father, you want to believe him and so it made sense at the time...so it continued....but that's all on him, it doesn't matter whether you got pleasure or not. You were a child, father are there to protect you...he failed and instead exploited you. I must stop....it's not your fault..any of it and that's just the truth whether you can accept it right now or not.

YOU did nothing wrong....and it's okay that you still love him and miss him.it might take some time to fully understand why you have nothing to feel shame or guilt about...but in time you will...

Sorry I didn't notice the big TRIGGER ALERT title....sigh

Thank you. I'm sorry you had to read that. You are all so kind to me and I don't know why.

I try to tell myself that my father is a bad person and I should hate him. But it hurts because he was so nice to me. And my mother physically and... other ways abused me a lot (well... I think it's a lot. Most days).

My father also taught my brothers to touch my privates. We would have a bath together, even though they're quite a bit older than me, and he would encourage them to be nice to me by making me feel nice. He also taught me to do the same in return.

But my brothers they are frightening. They liked to kill animals and bury them in the garden. They made me do it. My father forbid them to have sex with me or put anything inside. But they did. And things they shouldn't have. They enjoyed hurting me in lots of ways.

So really my father was the only one who was kind to me. And I miss that. But I know I am very bad and wrong for that. I should stop saying it.

Hon, what he did to you felt good.
Children need to be touched, held, and cuddled.
If that comes along with stuff that feels icky and good/gross/overwhelming?
Children will go along with that.

It is the job of grownups not to take advantage of little kids and their innocence.