This was perfect JadieLynn. I am very sorry that all your family hurt you. It is unfair.

Big hugs for you.

um.. yeah going through puberty every one was disgusting to me.. I wore baggy clothing to hide in.. I hate people staring at me.

I think that they might have been doing it from when I was born. Well my parents at least. I can remember things happening from being very small. When I was very small I did not speak. I wore a diaper and nothing else most of the time. I spent a lot of time in my cot in my room by myself. But I wasn't a baby. I was 3 or 4 years old.

I still don't know how to say what they did.

You are doing great JadieLynn. Take your time and write what you can. You can keep it as simple as (TW) "they touched my genitals" or "the put something in me". It does not have to be detailed at first.

It took strength to say that, good job! With that, and each day a little more strength will come your way!
Your doing good! Just relax, you're fine... No one here is going to do anything... You are safe.

Jadie Lynn I get where you're coming from. In 2006 I started to have memories of being a baby and my dad sexually abusing me. More has since come out recently. It's the most disgusting thing to take advantage of a baby . sick and disgusting. that about sums it up.

My first memory it looked like I was only a few months old and I saw it in a third person.

My mother breastfed me for a lot longer than usual.
When she did, she would come into my room and pick me out of my cot. There was a brown couch in there too, she sat on the couch with me on her lap. I'd latch on. And she would put her hand down the front of my diaper and touch my genitals. Sometimes she would put it in the back and try and get her finger in my ass. If I tried to stop sucking or get away she'd scratch her nails down my back. She had long fingernails and they were usually painted pink.
I don't know why she did this to me. I don't understand now. Then it was just how it was. But now I am very confused and sad.

That is very sad and confusing. I am so, so sorry that happened to you.

I do not know why abusers do what they do. I am sorry that was done to you.

so sorry that happened to you. you didn't deserve that. horrible thing to do to a child.

I shouldn't have written about my mother. Now I can feel her nails raking down my back again and the strange feelings and small trickles of blood and she must know somehow and be doing it again... spiritually? I don't know. I don't believe in that stuff. But I just know I can feel her doing it again and she must be really MAD at me.

I should never have said anything about her.

It's Ok Jadie Lynn. You're probably have a physical body response. It's normal trigger response. Therapy helps lessen the physical triggers.

I had nightmares (horrible ones) for two days straight after reading my confrontation letter aloud to my now deceased dad.

It's probably a part of your own mind, an introject of your mother, punishing you for "telling". It is so scary, but in reality, your mother does NOT know and you are probably safe. You don't have to keep her secrets anymore. You have to tell in order to heal. You have a right to heal. Your life belongs to you.